[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for silentshearts[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]Trap[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: Trap

Author: silentshearts

Main Characters: SISTAR HYORIN x EXO KAI x INFINITE L

Genre: Angst, Fantasy/Supernatural, Romance

Status: Completed

Description of Story: Kim Nana ( you) leave your house for a reason and suddenly  are trapped into a house full of cute and handsome vampires.  One of the handsome vampires Kai knows you?! He says that he has been searching ten years for you and calls you ' HyoJung" what happen to your life before ?  Who is hyojung ? Why do they all call you hyojung ? you shockingly  fall in love with one of the vampire.  what will you do ? run ? or stay ?

 

 

 

From yeolwho05 ^^: First of all, I would like to apologize in advance if any of my comments/opinions I stated below came out harsh. Please do understand that I am trying my best to help you assess your story. Thank you..

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 2/5

Title. Hmm. The title of your story is VERY important for your story. A title is a story’s first impression. People make a first impression with appearance, wardrobe and body language. In stories thought, we do it with the title, so we can say that titles are extremely important. A title creates anticipation and expectation or, perhaps, disinterest. Often the title is what will determine whether or not someone reads a story. Finding something unexpected or inherently unique to your story is what you want your readers to experience. Somehow your title was intriguing. It wasn't unique but what's important is how the title is connected to the story. I would say replacing it with "Trapped" since you said that she was trapped in a house full of vampires, so it should be in past tense.

 

Graphics: 7.5/10

Surprisingly, I like your poster. I think it matches the theme of the story, the castle portraying to the house you were saying in the foreword. I would have prefered if the male characters would look more like vampires. When I first saw it, I didn't get the idea of vampires living with her. Posters are important because they're your readers' first reaction to the story. It's like dating. You probably wouldn't go up to someone and start a flirty conversation with them if you weren't attracted to them physically.

There were also cracks on Hyorin's body, specifically her arms, which I'm sure symbolizes something, right? I also like the fact that your poster matches your background Overall, I like your graphics, but I still feel like there's something lacking. Maybe it's the color, or the design, but still it was fine.

 

Description and Foreword: 5/10

Your description has a lot of problems. First was the wrong grammar, then the spacing, the capitalizations are messed up as well, the tenses were wrong, and most importantly, the idea you want to tell your readers wasn't consistent. It's like you were relaying different sentences. It would have been better if it was