☑ BitterLips

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Calling for BitterLips

"Foolish Beauty"

Author: BitterLips

Main Characters: Shin Sangchan (OC), Xi Luhan (EXO)

Genre: Angst, Drama, Psychological, Romance

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
Belle, from Beauty and the Beast loved her father and was willing to sacrifice her life to save him. Her kindess and understanding changed Beast and she ended up falling for him. Her beauty, inside and out, made the Beast fall in love with her too.
But, there's a darker side to another fairy tale.
The Little Mermaid exchanged her beautiful voice just to have a pair of legs and enter the dry land because she had fallen in love with a human. When the prince didn't love her back, she realized that her actions were simply foolish.
Shin Sang Chan was filthy rich girl who could kill anyone with her face. No it wasn't undescribable beauty - It was sheer ugliness. Her terribly unattractive appearance plagued who she really was.
No more scorn.
No more laughing.
No more affliction.
“This is the price of beauty.”



    Critique:

Story Title: 4.5/5

A story's title should provide the readers with a tiny preview of what they'll be reading later on. The title you chose matches the story perfectly. It gives off both and angst and romantic feel. I wouldn't have a problem with it if it was more unique. There are several stories on Asianfanfics with the exact same title, so that doesn't make your story exceptional. Nevertheless, I'm not suggesting you should change this since it goes hand-in-hand with the plot and also sounds really professional. 

For the chapter title, I have nothing against using it, but I highly suggest at least including the English translation in parenthesis next to it for those who have no knowledge of Chinese whatsoever (like me). 

 

Graphics: 10/10

It's quite rare for me to ever give full points on this field, but I have to say your graphics blew me away. The poster was beautiful and got my attention the first time I laid eyes on it. It's neat and the colors are prettily abstract yet not too bright. Whoever made it did a wonderful job; the blending isn't messy, the characters can be seen clearly, and the title's font goes well with everything overall. A small issue is that it states your old username (I believe?), but it's asolutely fine to leave it just the way it is. In addition, even though you didn't include a background, the foreword's format was amazing. I have no critiques for this section.

 

Description and Foreword: 9/10

There's nothing really wrong with your description and foreword. I loved that you added a meaningful quote and made connections to two of many famous Disney princesses. Doing this gives the audience an idea on the story's genre/theme before even knowing what it'll be about. Once again, I would like to compliment you on giving effort to make the appearance very pleasing. 

The reason I took off some points was because I felt you slightly lack background information on the main male, Luhan. Your brief description of Sangchan was nice and simple, but there was no indication of how Luhan will affect the story. Yes, most readers can already guess he'll play a significant role, according to the poster. But personally, I think it'll be better if you add even a miniscule detail about him. Conclusively though, your description and foreword were both well-phrased and satisfactory.

 

Characterization: 9/10

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yeolwho05
08/22/14 ~ 40 stories has been transferred to the Archives.

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