Calling for deedee_zelo90

"Between Temptation and Vengence"

Author: deedee_zelo90 and Imma_WOLF88

Main Characters: Choi Junhong, Jung Hana (OC) / Kim Himchan, Choi Alex (OC)

Genre: Action, Fantasy/Supernatural, Romance,

Status: On-going

Description of Story: Their love is caught between vengeance and duty. She never knew that she would find love in such bad circumstances. During the years after she lost her parents, young Jung Hana trained hard for only one reason, and one reason only ; To avenge her parents and her brother. Vengeance, or Love? Which is she going to choose?

  Critique:

Story Title: 4/5

A title is a story’s first impression. People make a first impression with appearance, wardrobe and body language. Stories do it with a title, that's why choosing the right title for your story is one critical point. A title creates anticipation and expectation or, perhaps, disinterest. Often the title is what will determine whether or not someone reads a story.

You title was very alluring and catchy; it kind of caught my attention. It was also relevant in the story, as it revolves around vengence and temptation, so good job with that. The title wasn't that unique though, since there are some stories with nearly the same title as yours, but somehow, I still find it unique, and interesting. Like I've said before, what's more important is that it is relevant to the story, giving the readers an impression and anticipation of what the story is all about. 

 

Graphics: 10/10

I rarely give perfect scores for graphics, but you definitely deserve it. I'd like to credit Imma_WOLF88 for making such a wonderful poster + background. The effects were just... wonderful, the color blending as well. The title was visible and readable. The characters' expressions matched the theme of your story, creating a somewhat strong and gangster-like aura. It kind of emitted a supernatural aura as well, since the poster looked like it was in outerspace or sth. I have a question though. Haha. It just made me curious. What's the significance of the number 1200 below the circle? Does it signify something or is it just a part of the design?

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

Let's start with your description. Description creates a vivid picture for the reader. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to go into detail about everything in the story.  It simply means that you have to be prudent in knowing when it’s required and why. Great description helps the reader to build a fully formed picture in their mind’s eye; to understand what your character is going through and how the character sees his or her world.  It creates a sense of the whole scene. In your case, well it was fine I guess. You didn't really use "pretty" words and complicated sentence structures, you rather made it understanble, conveying only the important information to the reader in strategic places. You did a good job in conveying the emotion and mood of Jung Hana (It was her POV, right?), the tension or atmosphere, and the sense of action. All in all, you effectively delivered your description with the only necessary information, creating anticipation and interest among your readers.

There were some errors in your description, especially with your tenses, so I made my version of it. I am not forcing you to change it though.

(My Version) Their love was caught between vengeance and duty. She never knew that she would find love in such bad circumstances. After losing her parents, young Jung Hana trained hard for one reason and one reason only; to avenge her parents and her brother. Vengeance? Or Love? Which is she going to choose?

Like what I've said before, I like your description, but there are some parts where I was confused. Your title states "Between Vengence and Temptation." In the first part of your description, you stated "between vengence and duty." Then, at the end you stated, "Vengence, or Love." This is confusing, and I'm sure some of your readers were confused as well. You weren't consistent on your facts. You should be consistent with what you want to partner up with "vengence."

Next would be your foreword. Hmm.. Well, there were wrong tenses here and there, but I'm glad though that you informed them, or rather us, that English is not your first language. For the credit section, you should put it in the foreword instead of the description. Put it below the Warning section. Credits aren't that important in the story. You should focus on the important elements of your story.

This next one is only based on my opinion. Hmm. Well, I don't really recommend putting character charts, but I feel like your story needs it, considering that it is a chaptered story, and your main page kind of lacks information. You could put one, but make sure to put only the necessary information needed. Always remember not to put all your plot in your description/foreword/character chart, since it decreases the story's value and it's like you're practically telling the readers all that's going to happen in the story.

 

Characterization: 6/10

I'm outright confused at the names you used, as well as the prolouge. Why did you start of with Taekyeon's POV? It's confusing since I didn't expect him to be one of the characters at all. Also, I'm confused as to why you used him as Hana's brother. Her surname was Jung, so I assumed that he's Daehyun's sister. Maybe you should change it?

Is the prolouge like a sneak peek or something? Because that's the reason why I got confused. I kind of based the whole story through your prolouge. Introductions are a great way to set the reader up for your story. The main uses for introductions, formally known as prologues, are to give readers the general idea of the story, to  get the reader interested, and to help yourself get the feeling of your style of writing.

Prologues are sometimes not appropriate for certain stories. It all depends on the first paragraph of your first chapter. Write the first paragraph. Does it sound like you're going on with the story too quickly? If that is the case, then your story probably does need a prologue. Perhaps writing about characters that will only be briefly mentioned in the story is your way to go. Prologues often do not include the main characters or any sidekicks the protagonist might have. They can feature the antagonists, minor villains, the guardian, allies of the heroes, or practically any other character. Sometimes, prologues don't even have to feature a character! They can illustrate a dramatic event vital to the story, such as a disaster that might have triggered the grand adventure for the heroes.

All in all, I don't think you need a prolouge, especially using it in another character's point of view which was an unexpected character. I als