"Absorbing Man"

Author: sylviaplant

Main Characters: Rap Monster (Bangtan Boys)

Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst. Drama

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
He has always been by her side at all times—caring for her and loving her, even though he knows her heart doesn't belong to him.

Story Title: 4/5

The title of a story is the first contact that a potential reader makes with your story. A good title is paramount to grabbing people's attention and, most importantly, making them remember it.  You do not want something too generic or too bland.  As an example of personal taste, I despise titles with numbers in it, or anything that's too similar to another title. In your case, well it was unique and a bit eye-catching I guess. The first time I read it was like, "What the heck is an absorbing man?" Yeah. But as I read your story further, I realized that that title of yours was really relevant to the story, and that it holds a very deep meaning behind it, although I have to say, the title kind of weirded me out at first. What I like the most is how it was too much connected with your ending and the moral of the story. Even though there are many other vital elements to creating an angst story, I strongly believe that with a good title and a great ending, half your work is done.  The title is the first thing people experience and the ending obviously is the last thing they see.  Having a catchy, unique, easy-to-digest name for your story and knowing where your story will end are big components to making it more enjoyable. A great ending is key to an audience's lasting impression of your story: it needs to be satisfying. Your ending was satisfying even though it was a sad one, but the way you connected it with your title was splendid.

Graphics: 7/10

Well, I have nothing to say in this part except that you shoul've requested for a matching background for your story. The poster was nice done, and the elements of it holds some kind of symbolism. Somehow, it fits your story, however, I can't help but feel like it looks more of an action-kind of story rather than an angst because of the flames below, but yeah. The flames kind of symbolizes his passion for her, right? No? Well yeah. An issue for me is the wrong punctuation on the username part. It was placed as "sylviaplant's present," which should be "sylviaplant presents." Other than that, your poster is fine.

So for the background, like I've said, it would be better if you have a complementing background for your story since it's not always that your readers would see your poster, and having a background would add to the physical appearance of your story, making it look more interesting and eye-catching as a readers reads further. Overall, the graphics is fine except the missing background, so I decided to give you 7 points. (5 pts for the poster and an additional 2 pts for the nice design.

Description and Foreword: 6/10

First of all, I admire how you used a poem to describe your story, however, I would've preferred if you used a black font color instead. It came out harder for me to read it with the font color, and it's actually not that visible when you look at it from afar. Putting it in that kind of font color would make it seem like it's not that important in the story since you blurred it, when clearly, it's very important in the story. Anyway, there are some errors here and there. For example, "I am calm, I'm serene." You should be consistent with your words, especially when they're in the same line. Also, you should use a perios instead of a comma since they hold different thoughts. It should be "I am calm. I am serene" OR "I am calm and serene," but I prefer the first one since it sound nicer than the latter. So yeah, you got these lines from Parokya ni Edgar's song though so I can't really tell you to change or to add some lines. OTL

A description is your chance to speak directly to your readers about why you wrote the story, what it’s about, and why it’s important. As it is an introduction to your story, a description should include information about the plot. I applaud your for this. Why? Well, for one, your description was indeed interesting. It didn't really give off that much information that may include all that's going to happen in the story. "Absorbing man" was somehow explaned through it so for those who'll be confused with the title will get enlightened once they read your description. Overall, something's missing, I just can't point out what exactly it is.

For the foreword, well, you placed some of Namjoon's lines. I guess that's fine, as it somehow rose my interest, and it somehow explained a bit more of why you made your description like that. One issue for me is that you could've put some author's note or something, like what inspired you to read this and whatnot, but it's understandable since this is a oneshot story after all, and it would just simple be pointless to do so, so just ignore this one. Haha. #random (Did I mention that I'm a Filipino as well? Hi! *waves*)

Characterization: 8.5/10

I can say that your story is a character-driven one, whereas the events in the story unfold the way they do because of the character's personality, needs, desires, and actions, which seemingly reflects Namjoon's, am I right? First of all, I like how you didn't put that the chapter is in Namjoon's point-of-view. By doing so, you left the reader confused, but they'll get by as time passes, and that confusion somehow made their curiousity to rise that made them read further to know who's point-of-view it really was. In character-driven stories, character is all-important. It has been said that 'character is conflict'. This means that the conflict in the story comes out of who your character is and what they do. You did well in this part, since the conflict really did come out of Namjoon's affection towards her.

For Namjoon, well his character was simply... sad, yet admirable. Characters should come across to the reader as real people with whom they can identify. That means that what the character thinks, feels, and does should feel to the reader like how a real person thinks, feels, and acts. His personality was realistic to the point that I can really relate to what he was feeling. This is one of the things I admire as I read your story. You held the power to touch our hearts with your story, and it was just... wow. Namjoon was the typical character-in-love, yet the fact that you made him the one head-over-heels over the girl instead of the opposite made the story more interesting, making me think that it's not always the girls who get's too inlove with the opposite ! Hurrah!

For the girl, well, I don't know if you purposely didn't mention any name for her, or if you simply forgot, but it's perfectly fine for me for her not to have any name in the story since it just really rose up my interest. There wasn't really need for any name, and it just made me more curious that somehow, I just imagined myself as the girl. Teehee. As for her personality, well I was just confused since I assumed that she loves Namjoon as well, and well, I was kind of expecting a happy ending, but yeah. You proved me wrong. Nonetheless, I still feel like there's something lacking on the girl's part. Bu