Calling for KaiSooExoForever

"Winter's Memories"

Author: KaiSooExoFoever

Main Characters: Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gender Bending and Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Winter,
Where our last memories were held,
Those special memories of you will always bring a smile to me.
If only I could have you back for just a little while.
Then we could sit and talk again, just like we used to do.
You always meant so much to me and always will.
The fact that you’re no longer here will cause me so much pain.
But you’re  here forever in my heart.
Because I love you so much.
Until we meet again;
Byun Baek Hyun ~
The eighteen years old Do Chanyeol had never been in love and he never thought that he would be. Arranged marriage had finally given him the chance to experience the sweetness and bitterness of being in love. Since then, the memories between him and his wife were created.
Every season would have their unforgettable memories, but the winter had left the most unforgettable memories for Chanyeol.

    Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

Your title wasn't that original, but it was well-thought in my opinion. Winter's Memories is a title that I myselt might encounter here on Asianfanfics easily. I have read a story before with the same title, so it's a bit hard to say that your title is indeed original. However, it was straight-forward, though that itself has some of its own perks and negativity. For one, a straight-forward title is good since it gives the readers an idea of what is to come in the story. However, a title that is too straight-forward may ruin the surprise in the plot, especially if the title itself hold a very important piece of the story. This is kind of the problem that I first encountered once I read your title. From the title itself, I knew that something happened, obviously a romance, during winter, creating memories for both of the characters. It sounded sad and angst as well, and these things blew your cover. Well, maybe this is just me though, but sadly, I do found it too cliche for my liking.

A little side note: Is it really meant to be Winter's Memories? Literally speaking, it's a bit weird that the memories were of the winter, where in fact, it would be better it it was called Winter Memories since Chanyeol and Baekhyun's unforgettable memories happened during winter, am I right? 

 

Graphics: 6/10

I'm not really that good in analyzing poster reviews, but I'll try my best. I've seen the graphics and it didn't have some sort of credits and whatnot, so I think it's safe to assume that you made it? If so, then I really appreciate your effort in making your own poster. Not all authors do that here on AFF. I, for one, prefers to request from a graphics shop instead, so yeah. Anyway, the poster was nice, but it can be better. First and foremost, the background was too warm for me. I didn't necessarily feel the 'winter feeling' in your poster. If you want to emphasize the word 'winter', then you should've made the background of the poster with the typical blue and snowy winter. The picture used at the background was definitely not winter. It looked more of spring, if you'd ask me. Moreover, even if the story has something in relation to the season, spring, it doesn't matter. What's more important is to relate the poster with your title as much as possible since a poster should say it all. Moreover, it may cause confusion, more specially since your title said winter while your poster screamed spring. 

As for Chanyeol and Baekhyun, well they both look cute, to be honest, but I didn't get the feeling out of them, too. Chanyeol's expression is a bit acceptable for me, but Baekhyun? No. Baekhyun looked funny in the picture. It was as if he was cutely forcing himself to smile at the latter? On the other hand, Chanyeol's expression was really affectionate. He looked like he wanted to kiss Baekhyun for God's sake! Okay, so moving on... As for the title placement, it's a bit weird. I think it would be better if you made a bigger canvas for your poster. It was too much of a portrait. Moreover, it may be better to change the color of the title. Just make sure that the color you will be using will match the entire color scheme of the poster. 

Other than that, I think you should fix your background as well. The picture looked nice. It was evident that it was winter. However, the title placed at the bottom of the picture wasn't that much readable. For instance, I could only read the word 'winter' and half of 'memories'. Anyway, I do suggest that you request from a graphics shop, but that's entirely your choice. You can do another one though, which is again your choice, but just make sure to be reminded of the pointer that I gave you, though I'm not necessarily proud of the things that I had said a while ago. Again, I'm not very good at poster reviews, so please don't feel discouraged by my words.

 

Description and Foreword: 7.5/10

Your description was indeed enticing. The fact that it talked about winter was a really positive pull to your story considering how your title has the word winter on it as well. It was as if everything was connected and well-thought off, and that's absolutely a good thing. Now, your description had me captivated for some seconds as I'm really a fan of poems, though I haven't really wrote some since I at making poems. Nevertheless, your poem was fine, though it didn't necessarily give me that wow-factor of some sort. I guess a part of it was the fact that there weren't any rhyming words. Rhyming words aren't necessary in poems; however, yours was something like it was a simple compilation of sentences formed using a poem's format for design. It's something like that, though I'm not so sure myself. Anyway, there are a few punctuation and capitalization errors present, so I corrected them in my revised version. I think I added a few words as well. Here:

(Revised Version)
Winter,
the place where our last memories were held.
Those special memories of you will always bring a smile to me.
If only I could have you back for just a little while,
then we could sit and talk again, just like we used to do.
You always meant so much to me and you'll always will.
That fact that you're no longer here will cause me so much pain,
but you're here forever in my heart
because I love you so much.
Until we meet again,
Byun Baek Hyun.

The brief summary below this poem had a few grammatical errors as well, though they're only simple ones. There was still a few existing redundancy as well. This summary though was worth the time, though I think it would've been better if it was written deeper like the poem instead of relaying more information regarding Chanyeol's character. Nevertheless, it was fine, though I think it would've been best if some of the information were stated upon the story itself.

(Original Version) The eighteen year old Do Chanyeol had never been in love, and he never thought he would be. An arranged marriage had finally given him the chance to experience the sweetness and bitterness of being in love. Since then, the memories between him and his wife were created. Every season, they would have their unforgettable memories, but the winter had left the most unforgettable memories for Chanyeol.

 

Characterization: 6.5/10

"Since this boy is here already, why don't we just tell him?" Mrs. Byun suggested, making Chanyeol confused. "T-Tell me what?" Asked the teen boy.

This illustration above the first thing that I'd like to discuss with you. From what I have observed, you focus more on the scenes and not at the characters. I'm guessing that when you write, the scenes were already etched on your mind, making your forget the other elements of the story like the elaboration in the description of their actions, emotions and appearances, etc. Let's take for example the short statement above. If you see Chanyeol's dialogues, it was as if he was shocked yet nervous, right? Well, that is, because of the stutter effect you used with the help of a hyphen (-). However, you only stated that he was confused, leaving the nervous part. That needs a bit elaboration, don't you think? Moreover, you should also state why he was confused. For example, you can state that he stuttered as he felt the nervousness creeping up inside him at the suspense that his parents and their close friends were giving him and that he was sure that his parents are up to something terrible and such. Basically, you just have to explain his emotions; why did he feel this and that? What is the reason behind his stutter?

It was Baekhyun. "Baekhyun-ah."

This is another illustration that I wanted to point out. Make it to a point that Chanyeol and Baekhyun only met once before Chanyeol approached him coincidentally at the lake. To get straight to the point, it was a bit weird for me that Chanyeol didn't use any honorifics when the two of them had only met once. Nevertheless, even if Chanyeol had assumed that they were of the same age, he should still use honorifics to address the other, especially since they are still considered as strangers to each other. It's a basic thing for Koreans. Even if they are of the same age, they should both agree to not using honorifics before doing so. Anyway, that's what I know. Let's just be clear with that next time.

Let's discuss their personalities now. Since the story hasn't progressed yet, I will only be assessing some of the characters involved, particularly Chanyeol, Baekhyun and their parents. Both of their parents seemed too childish for me. Was that intended or not? Nonetheless, they came out too childing for me that I highly think that there's no reason behind the arranged marriage or not. This has something to do with your plot. There has to be something deep behind them agreeing to this marriage. First and foremost, the idea of arrange marriages are too cliche nowadays. Moreover, with the structure of your story, it was as if it was the typical type of arrange marriage wherein the parents are fine with it and the two lovers were opposed at first but eventually gives in. Nevertheless, my opinion states that the fact that their parents were fine with it is unbelievable.

I will be discussing this part at the consistency section, but I'll be giving you a heads start for what is to come later. There were some personality s