[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for LoyalBerries[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]Price Paid For The Wishes[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: Price Paid For The Wishes

Author: LoyalBerries      

Main Characters: Mark GOT7 and You

Genre: Angst, Romance

Status: Completed

Description of Story: People always told me that if we fold a lot of paper cranes until it finally becomes one thousands, I could wish for something and it will happen. Is it true? Can I believe in those fairytales? Can I wished for something and will it really happen? I just didn’t know. If I were to try it out, it won’t harm me doesn’t it? But there’s one thing that I didn’t seemed to took noticed of. If I wished for something, in return, the opposites will goes to my loved ones. And if it was me, then, my loved ones was Mark. But what does the opposites means?

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 4/5

Although relevant and uncommon, something it’s missing from the title but I just can’t put my finger on it. It doesn’t give me that excited feeling, nor I’m curious. Some suggestion: “Pay For Your Whishes” or “The Price of Wishing”. Anyway, it fits your story, so I’m all good.  

 

Graphics: 10/10

The graphic artist did a great job on your poster, hands down. It has a sad, angst feeling to it due to the use of neutral colors, which compliment the feeling you get after reading the description. The backgroud it’s simple but goes with the poster. 

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

I had to read your description for three time to understand what it’s the story about. The reason why you left me confused it’s the way you mixed present with past tense, and I had to guess what you actually meant.
I’ll help and show you where you have mistakes. 

(Your version)
“ People always told me that if we fold a lot of paper cranes until it finally becomes one thousands, I could wish for something and it will happen. Is it true? Can I believe in those fairytales? Can I wished for something and will it really happen? I just didn’t know. If I were to try it out, it won’t harm me doesn’t it?
But there’s one thing that I didn’t seemed to took noticed of. If I wished for something, in return, the opposites will goes to my loved ones. And if it was me, then, my loved ones was Mark. But what does the opposites means?”

(My version) 
“People always told me that if you fold one thousand paper cranes, you can make a wish and it will happen. It is true? Can I believe in this tale? Can I wish for something, which would later become true? I don’t know. If I try it out, it won’t harm me, will it?
But there’s one thing that I didn’t pay attention to it. If I wish for something, in return, the opposite go to my