"Goodbye"

Author: Parkchanchan

Main Characters: Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo

Genre: Angst, Psychological,

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
When Jongin and Kyungsoo break up,
what will happen then?
And what happened before
and why did they end up being separated?




 

Story Title: 3.5/5

Story titles are the most important determiners of whether your writing will be read. It's all based on first impression. Your plot, characterization, consistency and your graphics may be over-the-top, but if your title is not that eye-catching, your readers might not get attracted and may just walk over your story without sparing a glance. Normally, people make a first impression with appearance, wardrobe and body language. Stories do it with a title, so I think titles are extremely important. A title creates anticipation and expectation or, perhaps, disinterest. Often the title is what will determine whether or not someone reads a story.

Your title was short, simple and a bit common in the world of AFF. Although the title is somehow relevant to the story, it still didn't have that wow-factor, wherein readers would get attracted by just looking and reading your title. Personally, I think that there are many possible titles for your story, especially because the plot has some specific points and broad ideas. For instance, Kyungsoo being schizophrenic; or maybe, you could've used something that is relevant to the ending of the story. Anyway, a great ending is key to an audience's lasting impression of your story. It needs to be satisfying. Whether it's happy or sad, whether it answers all the questions raised by what preceded it or leaves you hanging for more, all can satisfy viewers if handled properly. The title is the first thing people experience and the ending obviously is the last thing they see.  Having a catchy, unique, easy-to-digest title and knowing where your story will end are big components to making your tale enjoyable. All in all, why not connect the two for an advantage? For instance, if you use something from the ending as your title, then they'd be like, "Oh! So that's what the title meant!" I'm not giving you any hints of changing your title whatsoever though. I'm just stating my opinion. Overall, I guess I'm fine with your title. However, again, it's a bit too common for me. I would prefer a title with a deep meaning behind instead of a simple 'Goodbye', but then again, simplicity is beauty.

Graphics: 6.5/10

Let's discuss the good side in your poster first. You're poster was indeed attractive. I could say that the clock behind meant the time-jumping scheme in your story, so kudos for that. I didn't quite get the blotchy white effect for the title though. I kind of thought of winter when I first saw it, but I don't remember any event in particular within the story that specified winter though. It was a bit distracting, but yeah. The color scheme was fine. It wasn't really that bright nor too dark. For the bad side, I don't really see the whole genre in the poster. I was kind of expecting a more dramatic poster, wherein Kai and D.O's faces, or rather expressions, were portraying the sadness or depression or something, since it's one of the main points in your story. I did like the gray background on the poster though. It somehow made me remember that that's D.O's favorite color in the story. Weird right? So yeah. I guess it's a bit hard to find those kinds of pictures, so it's understandable. Overall, the poster is fine. I do recommend getting a background that complements your poster. A gloomy yet simple background would do. You could request from the same shop, specifically the same designer, for less hassle. Make sure that they really complement well though.

Description and Foreword: 5/10

Let's start with your description. Honestly, it didn't attract me at all. It was too short, and it would've been understandable if there was something catchy behind it, but I didn't find any. Sad though, since your story was that good, an interesting description may help you gain a lot more readers. I suggest adding some more sentences. For instance, try putting something broad that depicits the general plot. Make sure not to let out that much information wherein you're already stating all of what's to come in the story. Also, the format of your poster was that of a poem. I suggest putting it in two sentences instead. I actually got interested at first since I'm kind of a er for poems, but sadly, nothing rhymed, and yeah. You got my hopes up. Anyway, two sentences would do the trick, but if you're thinking of adding some sentences with it, they you could just combine, or better yet rearrange the design or format of those sentences. There were some grammatical issues as well.

(Original Version) When Jongin and Kyungsoo break up, what will happen then? And what happened before and why did they end up being separated?

(Revised Version) When Jongin and Kyungsoo break up, what will happen then? What happened before and why did they end up getting separated?

I might have changed the verb being into getting; mainly because I'm used to that phrase with that verb. As for the first mistake I corrected, I removed the first and you used since there was already an and used later at that sentence; plus, it wasn't really that needed in the first place. It sounded way redundant, and it would've been acceptable if there weren't any ands proceeding that conjunction.

As for the foreword, well I have no issue with that whatsoever. One question though. Why not just set all your fonts to Avia Garde? I mean, it looks better that just a simple Arial or whatever font you kept on using is. But it's your choice, so I'm gonna back off. Overall, I felt like something was lacking, and it was a heavy feeling. Bottomline is that your description didn't attract me, so I suggest adding some more. But then again, it's your choice.

Characterization: 8.5/10

I have to say though. You did really well in this section. Their emotions were portrayed well, with their actions and thoughts expressed explicitly. Your story was mainly character-based. A character-based story, where coincidental happenings and fatalistic plot progression is secondary to character strengths and weaknesses, is one way, if not the best way, to achieve this. In this type of story, the plot actions are driven, or at least affected, by the character's human characteristics... the foibles, flaws, or special gifts, usually related to goodness. Basically, I liked it. I'm a big er for angst, romance and abuse stories after all. Another thing I admired is how you knew your characters. Through your work, I can clearly see that you really thought about them, to which resulted as getting to know them better, making more story events possible and occur as a result.

For Kai/Jongin, I got a bit weirded out with their first meeting, but I guess that was explainable when (I think) he said that he stalked Kyungsoo for many years before they officially met. His sudden confession of his love to Kyungsoo happened a bit earlier that expected as well, but I guess it was a bit fine for me since it was sweet. For me, Kai's personality is realistic, mainly because there were specific times where he expressed negative emotions. For instance, there were times where he thought that Kyungsoo was crazy and weird, unlike those ty