"The Stranger Next Door"

Author: writerfairy

Main Characters: Illiana (OC), Super Junior Kyuhyun

Genre: Abuse, Angst, Comedy, Drama, Family, Fluff, Romance, Some Violence

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Illiana comes back from Africa after 2 years. She didn't have a lot of communication with the western world. So she's behind on whatever happened in the music world. When she meets Kyuhyun (major kpop-star) she doesn't know who he is and that intrigues him. But Illiana has a bad past that follows her everywhere and will bring trouble to whoever is close to her.
 

 

Disclaimer: We are very sorry for the delay, as we have made a few changes with the reviewers concerning this shop. You had requested before we had changed the shop's rubric, but I do hope that it'd be fine if we incorporate the new one instead, as it is more lenient than the first one.
 

  Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

For your title, it's not very engaging nor original. I have seen many stories on asianfanfics and published books with the same title so I wasn't instantly interested by your title because it wasn't unique and my first impression was that it was going to become a very cliché fanfic throughout the plot lines. It's a very direct title in my perspective but after reading multiple stories and having read your description, it seems like there is more meaning than just a simple stranger next door. As I said, it's a very cliché title and the phrase is many times over used and it doesn't emit much meaning from it when you look at it. There's nothing wrong using a title that other's have used but I don't find it intriguing and interesting at first sight. 

 

Appearance: 6/10

a. Poster and Background. 3.5/5

I find your poster fitting for this story although after reading your request form, it seemed a bit out of place as you described this story to be more gore, horror and angst. It did create a nice, romance-y atmosphere which helps and the pink hue adds more of the romance into the mix. The only thing that made you lose some marks was because of the picture of Kyuhyun, it was blurry and distracting to the eyes as it didn't match the colour theme that was used in the poster and it didn't do anything to enhance the poster so it's quite useless. If you feel like you still want him there, I would suggest putting an ulzzang/actor/idol on the other side but only half showing and Kyuhyun's body, half showing because I feel like it will add more mystery into the mix about Illiana's past. None the less, your poster and background is matches well with each other; complementing each other as the background is very basic and it doesn't clash with the poster. 

b. Lay-out and Formatting. 2.5/5

As I said, the picture of Kyuhyun was very blurry and clashed with the poster; not complementing it at all, so I would suggest getting that fixed but it's entirely up to you! From the top to the bottom of the poster, the pace within that area seems very blank and wide apart. Although that isn't much of a problem because of the layout you used underneath I just thought I would point it out.  Your layout in the description is alright, the layout coding seems a little messed up for the boxes but I'm presuming it's just the version of AFF I'm on. For your foreword the presentation isn't too bad. There's a lot of images and credits and unnecessary categories. I think the 'facts' and storyline/story idea should combine together just so it doesn't take up as much space and it's more or less that same thing. 

 

Description and Foreword: 5/10

Your story summary in the description wasn't exactly engaging either. I find the first line has to be interesting to pull readers in or else they'll exit the story. I found some mistakes or questionable lines in your description which I will explain. 

- She doesn't know much about the world anymore, because of lack of communication in the past two years. 
= Saying that is indicating that she cut all connection from the outside world and was basically confined within a small world with nothing to do. I find it exaggerated especially at the 'she doesn't know much about the world anymore,' because she's only just been in Africa which I know doesn't have much connection - internet, texting on phone, signal, etc. - but I think she'll still have some slight idea. I would say that she didn't know much about Korea anymore as saying she doesn't know about the world is just a vast topic to focus on. 

I liked how you mentioned about the other main character instead of just focusing on the OC which many tend to forget (*cough* me *cough*). I liked how you kept his real life occupation the same in the story, Kyuhyun's seems pretty realistic as you keep his side in the description quite real and true to the real life version of him. 

Then ending line hints a little something while still hiding what the story is about what is great but some may think it's going to be a cliché title from the title and now the description. Other than this, I find your description alright.

 

Character Development: 10/15

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 2/5

The way they met was something you would see a lot in movies, books, mangas, animes, drabbles, basically I'm saying it's cliché. I could easily predict that something was going to happen and them meeting because of Suzy dragging Illiana to a concert was the easiest route to Kyuhyun and Illiana meeting. I liked the different POV's of Illiana and Kyuhyun so you could understand how they felt when they met each other. They way of meeting, how Kyuhyun and SUJU knew Suzy was quite genius at a point but still very cliché. 

b. Evolution of Characters. 3/5

In the foreword, you gave us some small description on the characters within the story so that really helped boost the readers interest instead of putting bits of it within the story. It's also a straightforward method to let the readers know the character's personality, appearance and characteristics.

The OC, Illiana seemed mary-sue in the beginning. I know there are some people who easily remember languages but I think you just went way over the line on how many languages she knew. It didn't seem really realistic and give me the impression that she was 'know-it-all', I have zero evidence why but it's was just like a back thought feeling. Her character is one which I've seen in many fanfics. A typical girl who doesn't know much about k-pop and meets an idol without knowing and is creeped out while slightly confused when she meets one (without him being in his group or in TV)

Kyuhyun was the typical idol character portrayed similarly to those with a similar fanfic plot. He expected the OC (Illiana) to know who he was and it gave this slightly cocky air around him. The second chapter was his POV and that made me understand his character more and how he felt about idol life (and crazy fans) so that changed my mind about air around him which I felt about him. You hinted that he had a lot of problems and scandals with girls in the past which I find interesting and it also tells the reader that he is kind hearted and wouldn't leave someone injured, hurt, etc (referring back to Illiana's fainting incident). 

Suzy's character didn't really shine out in the beginning (or within the story) at all. The only reason that sparked some interest in my about her was when Kyuhyun recognised her in the second chapter. That made me wonder if she was an idol as well and how she came to know Kyuhyun. But soon that interest in me was lost, I'm not saying Suzy is a boring character but some things I think would be better said later to keep that excitement and wonder in a reader for as long as possible. 

c. Point of View Used. 5/5

I liked how you had a whole separate chapter for Illiana's and Kyuhyun's point of view instead of switching to and fro in the same chapter as that can be annoying and confusing.

 

Plot: 17.5/35

a. Originality. 1.5/5

Every story has a cliché part in their story so please don't feel upset or negative about your story because I keep saying it feels very cliché. In the beginning, it does feel very cliché and overused because there wasn't anything that would differentiate from other stories that have similar story plot lines. I find the overall idea of an ordinary girl meeting an idol unexpectedly, not knowing, then finding out, has zero interest but soon does is something that's overused in recent fanfics. There has been many fanfics where the story plot is similar to yours. Honestly, because of the beginning of the story, it gave a sour taste in my mouth and my mind automatically thought 'not original, quite boring.' 

b. Setting of the Story. 2/5

I felt like you describing the scenery and the basic background was lacking. Normally, one would describe the airport, talk about the house when they arrived - the nostalgic scent, the homely feel, etc - but you didn't write any about that. When talking about going from a country to another country, it's like a basic (at the beginning) to talk about airport, house, etc. Your story was lacking in the description about scenery area so I would suggest focusing on that a bit.

c. Theme of the Story. 4/5