Calling for K-POPmacaroonBakery

"Key To His Heart"

Author: K-POPmacaroonBakery

Main Characters: Yoojin (OC), Naeun, Luhan

Genre: Action, Angst, Drama, Romance, Schoollife

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Hell to heaven, we visited every place we could do to be together. We loved each other so much, but what happened when we are placed in different places, when we were blocked by continuous obstacles? Fate has done way too much this time. It broke his heart and now there's no way to fix it.
I miss him. I want to help him. Because he needs me and I need him.
I need Luhan and he needs me.

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

I like your title, although it isn't that unique. In fact, it's too common. A technique I use is by searching your title on Google, and ua-la. A lot of stories with similar titles as yours popped out. There were also some with the same title. I'll repeat what I've said to the previous review I've made. The thing is, titles are not copyrighted, so you may see several stories with the same title. Avoid choosing one that’s already identified with a story in your genre as it may suggest yours is not original, or be confusing to readers. Keep in mind that a controversial title may attract some people but will possibly discourage some from reading the book, and aim for originality without purposely antagonizing your potential audience. An effective title should be interesting, convey the tone or central idea of the story, and be easy to remember.

Seeing that you joined a writing contest with this title, I think you can't change it anymore. Can't you? Anyway, if you want to know the trick in determining if your title is unique and interesting or not, and if you are planning to change the title, which I think you might not do, then try these methods:

(1) Google it. The easiest way to ensure you have an original title is to type the phrase into an Internet search engine, for me, I used Google. Some great titles will produce matches, of course—but if you are the first person to coin the phrase you’ve chosen, then you know you’ve hit the originality jackpot.

(2) Maximize your choices. Make a list of at least five different titles before deciding upon one. There’s also much to be said for asking friends and family which title they prefer.

(3) Don't forget to the voice and the point of view. Every fiction writer knows that strong prose requires a distinctive voice and a consistent point of view. Far too many writers forget that a title should do the same. If you’re narrating a story in the third person, don’t call it “My Summer Vacation.” On the other hand, if your story is told from an unusual vantage point, you can use the title to announce this fact to the reader.

(4) Include precise nouns and active verbs. A simpler technique is to select precise nouns and strong, active verbs. Eugene O’Neill’s Desire Under the Elms is far more compelling than Love Under the Trees would have been. Don't you think so?

(5) Craft two meanings. Most readers consider your title twice—once before they start reading your work, and again after they have finished. Many successful titles gain hidden layers of meaning as they’re read, so they pack an extra punch when reflected upon for the second time.

(6) Avoid sabotaging your plot with your title. If you’re writing a mystery novel or a suspense thriller, make sure you don’t give away the ending on the title. Also, refrain from using either the first or last lines of your story as your title, as such “double duty” takes away the surprise of the opening hook or the dramatic conclusion.  

(7) Make certain your title matches your story. This is the most important rule of titling, probably the only one no writer can afford to break. Often we start off with a promising title in mind for our work—and assume, once we have finished writing, that this title still fits. Unfortunately, the human imagination does not always conform to our expectations, so it’s essential to ask yourself, once your manuscript is complete, whether the original title still matches the story you’ve told.

S o u r c e  ( x )

I know that there's high possibility rate that you won't change your title, and I'm not saying that you should change it either. I'm just saying that I didn't find it unique. The tips below might be useful for you in the future, or even now, that's why I included them in this review. Ok, I'll shut up now.

 

Graphics: 7/10

Your poster was amazing, as expected from Poster Paradise. I like how Luhan was gazing at the side, as if he was looking at something, then the girl had that somewhat puzzled expression on her face. The title's font was visible and eye-catching as well. I'm pretty sure your readers won't have a hard time reading it. It was good; however, I don't fancy the color scheme. It was too bright for me, and it's a bit contradicting to your genre, although it screams romance as well. Maybe it'd be better if it was a bit darker but soofter than the present one. It'll look more angsty, I think.

I'm glad you have a background complementing your poster. It was beautifully made, but the issue still remains. It was too bright for me. 

So overall, my only issue is the brightness and softness of the poster. I would've thought this was a fluff story if it wasn't for their expressions. I'd also prefer if there was a some kind of symbolism at the poster that is related to the story, but then again, it may ruin the surprise.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

I fancy your description. I don't know why, but I was captivated for a moment when I read it. Maybe it's because you twisted some words that made it a tad more interesting. Anyway, your description was lovely and it somehow made up my mind for me that I should continue reading this story. I'd like to point out some parts though. I'll explain the changes below. Here's my version of your description:

(Revised Version) Hell to heaven, we visited every place we could just to be together. We loved each other so much; that is, until we were placed in different places as we were blocked by continuous obstacles. Fate has done too much this time. It broke his heart, and now there's no way to fix it.

I miss him. I want to help him. Why?

Because I need Luhan, and he needs me.

I replaced do with just. Why? Well. I found it weird. If you visited places, wouldn't you go instead of do? Anyway, I didn't put go though. Instead I put just simple because I found it better than the previous one. I think it made the statement more romantic, since they visited every place just to be together, don't you think so? I put some commas before the conjunction 'and' because it creates anticipation for the readers. There were some tense errors as well. If you were relaying something from the past, then stick with past tense.

Your overall appearance was exemplary. You put dividers, which is definitely a plus, and you even put a quote below which relates to what the main character is feeling. What I liked the most though is the character chart. I looks cute and presentable. I don't know, but I admire the letter spacing. For the value of the character chart though, I'd say it's irrelevant. I don't think those information is relevant, although you did state that one of the genres is action, but still, I feel like it's useless information. If you were aiming for something like a profile thingy, then you could've used a lay-out that looks more like a profile. You could've enlarged the font for the names as well since the info's font is larger than the name's. This is just my opinion anyway so don't mind this that much. Nonetheless, it lo