[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for --Prisoner[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]Love Story Of A Vampire[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: Love Story Of A Vampire

Author: --Prisoner 

Main Characters: Jessica Jung and Amber Liu

Genre: Angst, Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story: Amber Liu is a high school student. He is a human. He is famous among the female students because of his look. While Jessica Jung, also a famous high school female student, is a vampire. But no one could expect that Jessica will fall in love with the human boy. And nobody knows that Jessica Jung is a vampire. That's what it asks, can vampire fall in love?

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 2/5

Although the title fits and it’s relevant to the story, it’s way too common and plain. It lacks something, it is not eye catchy and honestly, it doesn’t make me click on your story. It’s like you summed the whole story in the title and readers may not be eager to find out what is going on in it. You could’ve used a more intriguing, angsty, fascinating and luring title. 

 

Graphics: 9/10

Both the poster and the background go well with the theme of the story, it compliments nicely and there nothing more I can say on that. However, I’m curious of that quote… Does it say, “Can vampire fall in love?” If yes, then it’s grammatically incorrect; it must be, “Can a vampire fall in love?” or “Can vampires fall in love?”. 

 

Description and Foreword: 9/10

The first description of the story gets me a little confused. Of course it is possible for them to fall in love, I mean, why not. Maybe you’ve meant “permitted” or “acceptable” or “right”. It just doesn’t sound right to my ears, since you did say that they do fall in love, meaning that it is possible.

In the second description, at the end, you’ve made the same mistake like in the poster. A simple question.. “That’s what IT asks [...]” – what is that “IT”? Who asks? 

About Foreword, well, there is nothing to say on that. You put the Disclaimer there and Credits corner. You could’ve also move the Author Note you have in Description to this section and write Author’s Note, or something, since Description is exclusively a section where you should write some words about the story itself, and only that. 

 

Characterization: 4/10

You focused too much on Amber, his friends and his life; most of the chapters were about him and, frankly speaking, they were more like filling chapters, since I didn’t really get to learn anything intriguing about him. The character is quite boring and way too cool, that it comes off as annoying. 

For a main character, Jessica barely appears and when she does, I can directly tell she likes Amber. No introduction on her life, no details about her, nothing. Her