[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for Lovemyheartforever[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]My 12 Aliens[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: My 12 Aliens

Author: Lovemyheartforever

Main Characters: exo and Nam __________

Genre: Romance, Schoollife

Status: On-going

Description of Story: The story of 12 aliens who went to the Earth and has to fall in love with a girl named Nam _________.When the mission accomplished, they need to go back to their alien planet.

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 3/5

To be honest, I didn't find your title unique at all. It was too common that I had a hard time differentiating it with the other stories with the same idea/genre as yours. But it was good that the title is very relevant to the story.

Graphics: 0/0

I won't be grading this section for now since you don't have a poster nor a background YET but I recommend getting one since posters attract your viewers into reading your story most of the time. Make sure the poster matched the theme of the story, as well as your background.

Description and Foreword: 5/10

The description and foreword is very important in a story, since it's what readers look for the moment they go to your page. It would have been better if you put a brief summary in your description before the character chart so that your viewers may know what is about to come. Also, there were some grammatical errors all over the place. The spacing and the font sizes were a bit rought too. It would be nice if you put it like this:

Description: 12 aliens went to a planet named Earth to do their missions. These missions had to be accomplished by the 12 handsome aliens with the help of a girl named Nam _____. (state your name)
Their mission is to know what LOVE is and what it takes to fall in love. If they fall in love with this girl, the mission is accomplished. They can finally return to their planet... ...and NEVER go back to EARTH.   Character Chart: *Nam ______*     -Insert her description here.* *XIUMIN*      -He never knew love.-
*LUHAN*      -He hates the word love.-
*KRIS*         -He was never interested in love.- *LAY*          -He only knew the love for your family.-
*SUHO*       -He only knew how to love his co-alien members.-
*CHANYEOL* -He's a kid without love but full of vitamins-
*BAEKHYUN* -He likes to sing songs about love but never wanted to know what it is.-
*CHEN*         -He has a lovely voice bit doesn't know how to fall in love.-
*KAI*            -He loves to dance but does not like to fall in love.-
*TAO*           -He only loves martial arts and nothing else.-
*SEHUN*       -He loves his older members only.-   I acknowledge the fact that English is probably not your first language. I'm so sorry to say this but the description was a little nerve-wracking. Yes, there are a lot of readers here who's first language is not English either but for the professional ones, they might cringe at your grammar. Sorry if it turned out a bit harsh.  I change a bit things in the description. I also added Nam ___ in the character chart since I personally think that you have to introduce her as well since she's part of the main characters.

Characterization: 6/10

I think you didn't elaborate their personalities that much. Maybe because there are a lot of characters, or maybe it's becaue you only have 2 chapters posted at the moment. I am glad though that you used some real-life facts about EXO so it wasn't that hard to catch up that if you really are a fan of EXO, you would know what they were talking about.

Oh and I got confused in Chapter 1. You said that the leader's name is Do Nam Joon. Then, you introduced his assistant as Do Nam Joon. You should fix that.

Plot: 25/40

The plot wasn't unique. I have read stories like this before, so I recommend adding more twists in the plot to make it more differentiable to the other stories with the same genre/idea of your story. Add cliffhangers too at the end of you chapters to l