[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for Nictaeny9[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]Dark Ties[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: Dark Ties

Author: Nictaeny9

Main Characters: Tiffany and Taeyeon, Yuri and Jessica

Genre: Action, Drama, Romance, Yuri

Status: On-going

Description of Story: Two very different girls yet both are similar in more ways than one. Most people think that monsters aren't human, they don't have a heart, they're grotesque. They couldn't be more wrong. Monsters are human, evil and vile. Both girls lived with monsters for more than half their lives. Both suffering, both lamenting, both oblivious to the other's pain. Most would choose to give up, run away but these two fought. What happens when fate decides to step in? Pushing them into each other's lives... Will they end up in each other's arms? How will it all end.....

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 4/5

Hmm.. Well personally, I like your title. It wasn't unique, but what's more important is how it gives your viewers a good first impression.  One of the key ways to gain more readers is through your title. It is the first thing your readers would see, right? It’s a topic to pour some considerable thought and creativity because it might pay off for you through subscribers. Readers tent to get more excited about a particular concept that most of the enthusiasm comes from the title.  For yours, I could say that it was a bit attracting, as I felt like it was the first time I saw it. It drawed me in, and I like the mysterious yet dark aura your title was exhibiting. I did get a bit confused as it seems like it doesn't fit the concept of the story, but it your title does sound good and interesting.

 

Graphics: 7.5/10

Your poster is fine. I think it matches the theme of the story. It did portray the "dark" ties. I do, however, feel like something's lacking in the poster. I'm not so sure but I didn't really like it. I just think that the 'romance' concept was not the well portrayed... but maybe it's just me. Hmm... >.<

The background, well, I have no problem with it. I'd like to read Martin Luther's quote but I can't since it's too big and I can't see half of the words. Overall, I like it, but I would have preferred a background matching your poster, but it's still good.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

For your description: I would have preferred if your description was aligned at the center, making it less boring. I didn't mean that yours looks boring but it would look better (I think) if it was aligned at the center. You should un-italisize it as well. I don't see the point of italisizing it. Another thing, this is just my suggestion: I recommend changing the font to Georgia/Avant Garde/Lucida Grande... I think your description would look a lot better.

Also, I'd like to point out a few things. This line:

Most people think that monsters aren't human, they don't have a heart, they're grotesque.

I think it's better if it was like this:

Most people think that monsters aren't human; they don't have a heart and they're grotesque.

Semicolons help you connect closely related ideas when a style mark stronger than a comma is needed. By using semicolons effectively, you can make your writing sound more sophisticated.

This one as well:

Most would choose to give up, run away but these two fought.

It should be like this:

Most would choose to give up and run away but these two fought.

You have to use the conjunction 'and' instead of a comma.

For your Character Chart: Well, I recommend putting a headline for it, like 'Characters:" ..something like that to start your character chart. I'd recommend the same thing as your description - aligning it at the center. I honestly think that you should delete it OR just provide their pictures and very very short desciption about them. The caption you put below the pictures contains a lot of information. It's very important not to relay too much information since you're practically telling your readers what will happen in story. It decreases the excitement, and I'm sure the readers will get bored since they already know what happen in the story.

For your Foreword: I really appreciate your effort in requesting to many review shops, but the way you credited them took a lot of space. Credit aren't really important. You can decrease the font size. It would look better like this: