Calling for xoxoexo

"Paper Wings"

Author: xoxoexo

Main Characters: Kim Jongin x Do Kyungsoo

Genre: Angst, Romance, Romcom, 

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
jongin saw the last of himself in a white and blank piece of paper,
but kyungsoo believed in angels and in learning how to fly.

    Disclaimer: I’m sorry I’m not as helpful as I could be, but I hope that this does help somewhat. ;-; Critique:

Story Title: 4/5

The title is interesting because when you imagine paper then we see it as flimsy and useless. Then when you connect with the words of wings and hence the idea of flying, having paper wings doesn’t really do much good then huh? For that, it gives off the theme of a more angst type nature. 

In addition to that, it seems original and invokes a certain emotion of sadness which is nice. There’s also an additional part that you added to the title which just makes me assume there is more than one part? Anyways overall, the title is simplistic but doesn’t seem like the type of standout in sea of stories, hence the score. 

 

Graphics: 7/10

When I imagine the poster, I would imagine that it would be sadder somehow because already you’ve given me the impression that it would be an angst story. However we see here is that Kyungsoo is smiling brightly, which affects the mood quite a bit in terms of the poster but I guess that’s the point since I see that the story is also apparently a romcom. 

Nonetheless it does provide contrast to Jongin who has a large emphasis on the poster. In terms of the quote, I do like how it is put on as it’s aesthetically pleasing. But there could be more emphasis and connection on the title with the use of different font to evoke a stronger emotion in terms of the story.

 

Description and Foreword: 8.5/10

I would like to point out that capitalization is a big key in making a story more appealing in the eyes of a reader. In your description and foreword, a reader can gauge just what type of author you may be, and the more effort and neatness you add, the more willing they would be to press the next button. So hence you may want to capitalize the names, as well as the word “I”. 

Anyways, in terms of your description it’s short and simplistic which I find is expected with one-shot (three-shot in your case) type of stories as it is hard to come up with one without ruining the whole plot. It is very interesting and leaves many questions about Kyungsoo and Jongin which pulls a reader in and the quote you add only aids to the overall temptation of the story. 

Your foreword is what I expect with information about the fic and what compelled you to write it. (LOL, I see, the exo files are explained here, okay.) When you overlook everything, it is very neatly laid out and nicely done. 

 

Characterization: 7/10

Based on your story itself, Chanyeol and Suho can be easily replaced; in fact if you take them out of the plot, you wouldn’t even notice. That is how much they don’t exactly matter to the overall plot of the story. They’re interesting sure, and provide comic relief but in a way by having them the idea you’re trying to convey through the story gets muddled as you force the humour into the characters like that. Your story is angst supposedly, but there’s also humour, and I’m not saying that angst shouldn’t have humour or anything, (like you explained in the end) but it does lessen the overall mood and lesson that you were creating. 

Kyungsoo is a curious character and it’s very intriguing of how you set him to be a little naïve as well as immature. The way he connects with his mom and the paper wings is very nice and I like that he likes to pass on the wisdom that he got from her. The only thing is that the comments that he makes sometimes just seem slightly off, as if he doesn’t know about life in general. What I mean by this is that despite him being naïve, he doesn’t need to be completely oblivious to everything about him, because just how old is he supposed to be in the story? It just doesn’t exactly match up. (I hope I make sense here OTL)

Moving on to Jongin, he first meets Kyungsoo and not long after those two form a bond. He loves dance, that much is obvious and he seems to be really down on himself. Basically he’s the person you would want to help, and there’s really nothing that’s really off about him. The only small thing that I would penalize you for is his way of leaving so abruptly. Like it seems to me that he does care for Kyungsoo but there he goes, without anything else but a letter. It lacks the angst that you’re going for because of that. 

 

Plot: 28/40

Actually a lot of what I said in the characterization also somewhat applies here as well. Kyungsoo goes to the hospital to check if he has anything because his brother insisted that he should. He then meets Jongin and thus the whole idea of Paper Wings comes into play. I have to say though, in terms of originality, you have that spot on, but your delivery of your story line is what falls short. 

There’s almost a lack of emotions when it comes to the writing and without much explanations on Kyungsoo and Jongin’s relationship as well Jon