Author: KaihleeLo

Main Characters: Yoo Seungho, Bang Yongguk, Zelo, Do Kyungsoo, Park Jungyu

Genre: Action, Angst, Comedy, Family, Friendship, Horror, Mystery, , Tragedy

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
A zombie apocalypse broke out in North Korea for unknown causes; rapidly people were killed, died, turned, and then they killed others.  Soon the world were infested with zombies, better known as wayfarers. Yoo Seungho's family of seven were all infected but him and one other. From the outside Seungho seemed decent and weak, but his main goal to keep his brother alive turned him into a heartless and cold person. And due to his easy going decisions making and coldness, he earned the position of being the leader among his many peers, and growing circle. However, it wasn't just about surviving and keeping others alive, Seungho made a bad decision in the past and it led to them wanting him.

Story Title: 3/5

To be honest, I wasn't enticed with your title. It was a common title, holding the main thought of the story. It was pretty evident that the story was about zombies from the title itself, but then again, I couldn't help but find it too simple. I believe that more sophisticated words would do the trick, just to give more enticement and intrigue to your readers. Furthermore, you can also try to use a title that doesn't directly tell something about zombies, which can be quite useful at times so as to surprise your readers when they stumble upon your story; just make sure that the title sounds interesting enough to catch their attention. The main point here is the attractive your title is, the more possible readers you get.

On another note, if you don't want to change the title whatsoever, then I suggest using an article, since it sounds weird for "Dead Wayfarers" alone. Articles are very important. The determinate article "the" specifies, characterizes, and identifies a noun, and often suggests the listener is already familiar with it. Nevertheless, I think "The Dead Wayfarers" would sound better than "Dead Wayfarers" alone.

Appearance: 7.5/10

a. Poster and Background. 3.5/5

Your main poster was actually really nice. The designer's editing skills were of a pro, and it looks really enticing at first glance. However, I couldn't find anything from it, whatsoever, that is related to zombies. That might mislead some of your readers, especially those who do not know what "wayfarers" mean; that's possible, you know. Other than that though, I love the poster. It's just that the big deal couldn't be understood. Moreover, providing us a main poster than proceeding with another poster as you scroll down is not such a good idea for me. Why? Readers wouldn't help but take notice and compare it with your main poster. It might get your readers discouraged, but more or less distracted. More so, it would trouble your readers to scroll down since they would typically look for the description to know what the story is all about.

b. Lay-out and Formatting. 4/5

First and foremost, I don't think you should use a colorful lay-out for your description. Why? Your poster was of black and white. Your story was supposed to have a dark theme as well. Don't you think that using a lay-out like that would ruin the theme of the story -- even visually? You don't even have to necessarily use a lay-out, too. You can arrange it accordingly in a simpler manner, and it would be better to use a black font color as well for simplicity. Oh, and for those pictures/posters/banners, if they're not that important, then please minimize the size. It takes too much space, to be honest, and it hoards the readers' eyes. The chapter lay-out though was really nice and organized. Just make sure that the indention of the paragraphs are organized. If there is a flashback, try to italicize the text instead, or put a label to indicate that the flashback had already ended. For some time, I thought that those paragraphs were indented for no apparent reason.

Description and Foreword: 6.5/10

Quite frankly, your description was really "descriptive." It stated what the story was all about, which is really important. The downside, however, was that that type of description is a description that you'd read from most zombie stories. Like, isn't there something more enticing -- something fresher? A breather, perhaps? We all know what zombies do. They kill people, who would soon turn into zombies as well, as so on. We all know that. Therefore, I think it's better to state something that we don't know -- something that will encourage the readers to read your story despite the cliched storyline or whatever, if you get what I mean.

On the good side though, the last sentence of your description had taken my interest when I finished reading it. It made me curious as to what Seungho's bad decision was that made them want him. In relation to my previous concern, perhaps this was that I was looking for. Maybe it would be better if you summarize the paragraph and try to be more straight-forward.

Also, I found a couple of grammatical errors throughout your description. See the revised version below for the changes that I made, though you are not entitled to change anything whatsoever.

(Original Version) A zombie apocalypse broke out in North Korea for unknown causes; rapidly people were killed, died, turned, and then they killed others.  Soon the world were infested with zombies, better known as wayfarers. Yoo Seungho's family of seven were all infected but him and one other. From the outside Seungho seemed decent and weak, but his main goal to keep his brother alive turned him into a heartless and cold person. Due to his easy going decisions, he earned the position of being the leader among his many peers and growing circle. However, it wasn't just about surviving and keeping others alive, Seungho made a bad decision in the past and it led to them wanting him.

(Revised Version) A zombie apocalypse broke out in North Korea for unknown causes. People were rapidly killed then turned by zombies, or better knowns as wayfarers, and soon, they killed others. Yoo Seungho's family were all infected but him and his brother. From the outside, Seungho seemed decent and weak, but his main goal -- to keep his brother alive -- turned him into a cold and heartless person. Due to his easy-going decisions, he earned the position of being the leader amongst his many peers and growing circle. However, it wasn't just about surviving and keeping others alive. Seungho made a bad decision in the past that led to them wanting him.

"People were rapidly killed, died, turned, and then they killed others." -> This sentence was really awkward. Those people were already killed, and because of the series of verbs, it could be portrayed as "People were 'died,' which is incredibly grammatically incorrect. Try to avoid errors like this in the future.

"Due to his easy-going decisions..." -> Trust me. This sounds a bit misleading. When you say easy-going, you're more like implying that he somehow relaxed and casual, when the environment he was surviving in -- with the wayfarers -- was way wicked for him to be relaxed. Some readers might think that he had a laid-back personality, or maybe he was happy-go-lucky. Even so, I don't think that easy-going is the right word to use, especially since his decisions in the story weren't easy-going. You can use simple words like "wise," perhaps. It's clearer and more straight-to-the-point.

Apart from that, there were a lot of errors concerning redundancies and commas. You place commas on the wrong places, and there were times when they were needed yet they were gone. Nevertheless, I will be further discussing the other grammatical errors on the grammar and writing style section later on.

Character Development: 13.5/15

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 4.5/5

One of the things that I loved about your characters is how they act and how they portray their emotions when they feel helpless -- something that survivors feel most of the time. I do hope that they were even more helpless on your next books, seeing as how time will affect the supply of food and the amount of possible survivors out in the field. I also love how the characters have their own distinct characteristics. There are characters that seem to be weak, yet they're not, and there are also characters that seem to lift up the mood at times. Perhaps an issue of mine would be regarding Kyungsoo's personality, though don't get me wrong. I understand how you wanted to portray his character and whatnot.

I am actually no against Jun Gyu nor Kyungsoo's characters. I understand how Jun Gyu acts, despite his age. We can't expect all members of a group to contribute equally. There will always be someone who exceeds another; I know that for sure. The same case applies to Kyungsoo. I did feel like he was too dependent on Seungho when he was, in fact, older than the latter, but I understand the situation completely. Perhaps Seungho's connection with the WWVI had made him how he was with his brother -- a bit too overprotective -- but nevertheless, I guess I did look for a few scenes that showed Kyungsoo's independence. I might have to read the next books to find the answers to my questions.

b. Evolution of Characters. 4/5

Let me assess some of your characters individually. Let's start off with Seungho, shall we? Seungho. Hmmm... He greatly reminds me of Rick Grimes of The Walking Dead. He was the leader-type of person, though in your story, he has a connection with the WWVI organization who was somehow relatively related to the infectious disease that made the people turn into zombies. Despite his cold and hard exterious, I completely understand where he was going. To be honest, he has lived a very difficult life. It was really touching to see how decicated and passionate he was just to keep his brother safe, especially when he broke down in front of his brother; that was really a scene to see, or read, at this point. Not to be brutal or anything as well, but I love it when he acted like a killing machine. It totally goes with his character wholly.

As from Kyungsoo, as I've said before, he was like the weak character and everyth