"14209"

Author: cerberos

Main Characters: Choi Seunghyun (TOP) and Sandara Park

Genre: Angst

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
You have always told me there are no words you have been able to find that make sense of what is inside of you.
But why should you ever become weary of that?
For words are just tiny winds with sound of different arrangements, and even if you are able to find the right ones, by God if they never come, know this;
You have always made sense to me. Even when you are nothing but shattered pieces.

Story Title: 4/5

Your story title of ‘14209’ is a very unique title. I found it very interesting when I first looked at it. Because I had never read a story with numbers as the title, I was really eager to start reading. You made a good first impression with this title as it really intrigued me. When I read the title, however, the only problem was that it seemed too simple (in my preference). But nevertheless, good job on choosing your title. You’ve got thumbs up from me!

Description and Foreword: 8/10

I found your description really interesting because not only was it neat and tidy, but it also didn’t give out too much information - which is good. I liked how you used small quotes, and dialogues to kind of represent your characters. Your description made sense, and didn’t confuse me. Because I never read medical kind of stories, I thought that your description was really good. I mean, I tend to read one shots, and none of them really have good descriptions; which disappoint me, because description is also an important part of a story. I applaud you for creating such a great description, it really attracted me, and again, I was keen to read more. Your disclaimer note and your credits (for the poster) was neat, so it made me happy (because a foreword on AFF isn’t necessarily the same as a real book’s foreword).

Anyway, I’d just like to say, you did make some mistakes throughout your description, but don’t worry, they were minor;

Original; You have always told me there are no words you have been able to find that make sense of what is inside of you.

Revised; You have always told me that there are no words you have been able to find that makes sense of what is inside of you.

Original; What will happen when fate brings him to meet his polar opposite - a woman he remember by only her medical record numbers?

Revised; What will happen when fate brings him to meet his polar opposite - a woman he remembers by only her medical record numbers?

Original; Sandara Park a.k.a Patient 14209

Revised; Sandara Park A.K.A Patient 14209

They may seem little, but I’m a perfectionist, so I felt the need to correct them. Other than that, you did great, and I didn’t feel that there was any other problem.

Characterization: 8/10

Honestly, I loved your characters, but there were some problems. Dara is a strong girl. She can protect herself, and she is easy going (well, most of the time). Sometimes, I do dislike her a little because of how her personalities change within the story - making her hard to understand. She confuses me, too. For instance, apparently she’s a noisy woman, but she actually seems quite shy in these seven chapters (and sometimes overexcited). Anyway, although she’s older than Seunghyun/T.O.P, I kind of like them together. I’m not really a fan of 2NE1 or Big Bang, but Dara and T.O.P seem to suit each other well in reality, though.

As stated above, I did say that Big Bang isn’t one of my favourite groups, but I do have a bias: T.O.P (and sometimes Seungri, but forget him in this case). I feel that T.O.P is a nice person in this story. He does seem a bit cold at times, but his personality shows that he cares. There was just something that I’ve noticed, however, was that he doesn’t exactly have any flaws