Calling for pandoralacey

"My Name is Her"

Author: pandoralacey

Main Characters: Moon Geun Yeong, Moon Chae Won

Genre: Psychological, Tragedy

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Aennrain and Annerain are intrigued from the first moments they meet each others.The resemblance in their name bind them in a way they have never imagine before...
My life has revolutionized after I met her – a girl who owns the similar name. My “name” is her , and she becomes the exemplification of my escapism.

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

Title is something that all writer use as their weapon. Writer’s biggest weapon actually along with the description and (sometimes) foreword. Reader tend to read something that can catch their attention at first glance. That is where title hold the power including:

Catching potential reader to read (or to click the link of the story in AFF) Advertising the story (for free) Biggest selling point of the story itself which give hope or glimpse for the reader what is in for them

First time reading your title, I get the urge to say “Well, you meet someone with same name as you. Well, so what?”. Meeting someone with the same name as you, yourself, is not uncommon in every society. Take me as example. In every school I had attended until graduate, I can find almost fifty person (or more) with the same name as me. It’s not strange. It is something that bound to happen.

Back to the title, writer should chose the title carefully. Yes, this is what every writer biggest challenge. The title should be short enough (I forget how many words exactly can be put in the title, but not more than five words) to catch potential reader attention but in the mean time also have deeper meaning that relate closely with the story without giving out the story in one glance.

Sorry but to me your title didn’t make sense. I tried to think that you have deeper or hidden meaning behind the title that will give me more understanding but when I have finished reading it, well, I didn’t find any of that. But don’t take it wrong.  Maybe as your story grow (I know you’ve just started the story, so I expect more on the long run), you can find better title that suit your story best.

 

Graphics: 7/10

Firstly, I want to congratulate you to make your own poster. Not many writer do that nowadays (including me). Usually writer leave this part to some shop that giving out the service. So I want to give you more point, actually. But I want to give some advice about the poster and the reason why I take out some point from this rubric.

I reckond the tag line in your poster “a girl with similiar name”. Personally, I like your other tag lines more than this one. Maybe you can take out this tag line and make your other tag lines in more better place and make it more tidy?

I know how hard to make a poster but with three tag lines, your poster somewhat look messy and major turn off for the reader that expect angst and psychological story as your genre stated. So yeah, I took some of your point because of this.

Maybe it’s your personal preference but I take it you use a lot of different fonts, yes? Well, poster should relate to the story and give readers imagination or vibe of what your story hold. You’ve already given the angst vibe from the color tone you use but the fonts, well, no. Your excessive usage of many fonts better put to use in poster for romcom or comedy or fluff or whatever that girly-smushy genre. First time I saw your poster I got confused. I thought I will be in for romcom story.

Please, you state that you have darker genre (angst, psychological) so don’t destroy the vibe of the poster by using many fonts. Maybe you can stick to two or max. three different fonts and using it in same phrases, like for the title you use font A and for the tag line you use font B. It will make your poster look tidy and didn’t blow the reader away.

Your story didn’t have any background on it. Don’t worry, I didn’t take out your point because of this but it would be nice to have one. Maybe if you feel somewhat overwhelm, you can find good poster shop to make your story’s background.

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

Okay, so we get into the real deal. Description and Foreword. I, as a reader, even when the title catch my attention but if the description and/or foreword somewhat “Meh”, I won’t read the story. So I try to position myself as a reader when I write my review and as a reviewer when I read the story.

Something about your description irked me. At first, I don’t know what make me feel that, but after I reread your description and foreword, I got to pinpoint what’s wrong with that. It’s the ambiance, the vibe, the feel I got when I read that. Back again, this is supposed to be a story with darker genres but when I saw the description, I got the feeling it was romantic story or maybe drama. Your description as a whole is somewhat fine, not my cup of tea but fine. What turn me off is the gifs or pictures you used at that.

Personally, I will give your description full point if you just put your description like this:

| Aennrain § Annerain |
| My life has revolutionized after I meet her – a girl who owns the similar name | 
| My "name" is hers, and she turns me into an escapist |  

Full stop. The rest of your description, to me, is not necessary. Yes, they look good. Yes, they give me understanding of their name but for what? By giving out the meaning behind each characters name usually writer will have difficulties when it comes to characterization part. Reader, like me, will have some kind of expectation with the characterization later on the story. But I will talk about it more detail in characterization part.

About the foreword, well, it’s good to put some of the scenes in the story here, but I want to talk about grammar here.

The eight years old girl turns and looks at him awingly.

Awingly. I tried to find it in dictionaries such as Oxford Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, you name it. I can’t find it. Baby, please please but please try to proofread and proofread and proofread your description and foreword. It is very important so you don’t make the reader question their English vocabularies. At first, I thought that I just don’t know the word, maybe it is something new and worth to learn. But when I try to find the meaning, well, it’s not even in the dictionaries.

EMPTINESS has filled her heart.

I take it you want to emphasize that Aennrain felt empty after her father left, Yes? If so, don’t capitalized the word ‘emptiness’ here. Maybe you can try to explain it by words. I don’t know how to revise it (I’m no beta-reader) but maybe if you explain her situation by words, reader can make out the feel Aennrain have when her father indeed left.

Nobody knows and nobody cares about the truth, but everyone is keen on becoming the writer. 

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