Calling for Taemintatee

"Written Words"

Author: Taemintatee

Main Characters: Sehun x Luhan

Genre: Angst, 

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
SeHun and LuHan have been in a relationship for a while, and one day, SeHun's Grandfather is murdered and the cops can't find any clues. That leaves both of them alone with no parents or grandparents. Soon, SeHun becomes ill and LuHan wants to go on a trip with family members he hasn't seen in a while. LuHan doesn't want to go, but SeHun doesn't let him be held back because of his condition.

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 4.5/5

Your title was indeed interesting, and a bit appealing to be honest. It wasn't exactly unique since I've read a story with the same title before, but it came out unique and fresh for me still. Moreover, it was relevant to the story, especially with the ending since Sehun wrote something for Luhan, right? And in Chinese in addition to that. Personally, I would read a story with that kind of title. I really fancy titles with clearly deep meaning behind it; specifically if it uses symbolism. Somehow, I anticipated what has to come in the story. Also, shouldn't it be 'Written Words' instead of 'Written Word'. From what I remember, Sehun's didn't leave only one word behind. There were a lot. If you are pertaining to a single word though, then you should start the title with an article. It should be 'A Written Word'. Don't you think so?

Remember that titles have always been important. Everyone knows that. The problem is deciding just what constitutes a “good” title – keeping in mind that fashions for titles change at least as frequently as fashion for shoes. Furthermore, a good title must fulfill multiple functions. It must have some relationship to the content of the story it designates. It must be notable, comparatively unique, attractive to potential readers, and nowadays, it must also work-well for on-line search engines. Fulfilling all these functions can be difficult, to say the least.

 

Graphics: 7.5/10

I like your poster, well except their expressions. Sehun should be at least smiling at the poster since I think he died happy, even though Luhan left him behind for a while for his family. He did say that he wanted to be giving for one, which was touching to be honest. On the other hand, Luhan should look devasted since he didn't know that Sehun died as he came back from his family reunion. It would've been better if they were back-to-back and facing the opposide direction. That would make the poster look dramatic and angsty, totally hitting the mood of the story.

I also have an issue with plurality, as what I've discussed above. Shouldn't it be 'Written Words' instead of 'Written Word'? If you're pertaining to a single word, then used an article. It should be 'A Written Word'. Other than that, the black and white theme of the poster matched the mood of the story well. There were a lot of symbolisms to be found all over the poster as well. For instance, a letter was placed at the bottom-left side of the poster, which is connected to what I've discussed a while ago. There were a lot of words in that letter, making it seem like 'Written Words' was the appropriate title for your story. There was only a faint picture of holding hands at the top-left side of the poster. I admire you for asking for a complementing background as well. It was simple yet it matched the mood of the story. Other than that, I guess you're all good.

 

Description and Foreword: 3/10

Descriptions and forewords are important factors since you are mainly marketing/attracting your potential readers into reading your story. A description is your chance to speak directly to your readers about why you wrote the story, what it’s about, and why it’s important. As it is an introduction to your story, a description should include information about the plot. For instance, you should give a brief description of the story; the main characters, or themes. Give just enough to get the reader interested in reading more; don’t give anything away. Make sure your description fits all the elements of your story. I've read stories before wherein their description was indeed interesting, but once I read the story, I was disappointed because it wasn't connected, and it really didn't match my expectations. Make it sound as unique as possible. It's what usually readers are after once they visit your story, so if your description is more than enough to attract them, they might read your story. You should also describe the story along with the characters. Remember not to put too much information as it may ruin the surprise/twist of the story. Basically, the description is a short summary of the story itself; however, it is what comes out of the listing pages here on AFF, so it's better to make it as unique as possible so readers would be attracted into reading it.

Your description was way too short. That short line was what you put in your poster as well, making it a bit redundant. You could've provided a longer summary at the description section; something about Sehun and Luhan, or something about death since it's the main point of your story, right? That was the prompt you used for the contest you joined as well, so I think it's right to write a tempting and appealing description about that.

A foreword is a usually short piece of writing sometimes placed below your description. Typically written by someone other than the primary author of the story, it often tells of some reason as to why the author wrote the story. It is written by the author of the story and generally covers on how the story came into being or how the idea for the story was developed, and may include some acknowledgments to people who were helpful to the author during the time of writing (credits). Try explaining some deep words you may have used in the story, how you came up with this plot in the first place, and what inspired you into writing this story; however, there are no hard and fast rules about forewords, so there’s room to be creative and have fun!

In your case, you did provide an author's note and some acknowledgement for those contest your joined as well as the graphic shop that made your poster and background. I suggest organizing them since they look a bit messy. Try placing titles like 'Author's Note' and 'Credits'. Be consistent with the font style as well as the size. It looks a bit distracting, and not to mention informal, with the font size changes. Other than that, it's up to you if you want to put some designs such as picture dividers to make it look more appealing. I suggest putting some though. It helps your story to look more appealing in the readers' eyes.

 

Characterization: 7/10

Characterization is a crucial part of making a story compelling. In order to interest and move readers, characters need to seem real. Authors achieve this by providing details that make characters individual and particular. Good characterization gives readers a strong sense of characters' personalities and complexities; it makes characters vivid, alive and believable. In your case, it is very important that your the scenes coming from your story are believable since there was a lot of drama, and the fact that you chose swine flu as Sehun's sickness made it really realistic.

For one, Luhan's character was the most understood all throughout the story since you used his point-of-view for this one shot. Luhan was a bit of a nice guy for me, and he was caring to add to that. He really cared of those who were close to him, specifically Sehun's grandfather. He grew up with Sehun's grandfather guiding him along the way, so it was clear that he was really thankful to him, and to Sehun as well. As for his relationship with Sehun, well I didn't really feel the spark of their relationship except those kissing scenes. There weren't really intimate scenes wherein their emotions were just exploding all over the place. I think that's why I focused on the other elements of the story instead. Other than that, I was also confused when he agreed to leave when Sehun was that