Calling for blingasaur25

"Oh, Brother!"

Author: blingasaur25

Main Characters: Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol

Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Romance, 

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Baekhyun is an only child. He's smart and
Goodlooking, But not quite popular. His Only child
days will end when his father confess that he
married a woman before baekhyun's mom, and he
have a son with her, who will be living with them
since the guy's mother died. It was fine with
baekhyun, in fact, he was excited, but everything
will change when his so called step brother
changes his life...... and his uality.
....

Note: Okay, so I know that you didn't request for me as your reviewer, but your request had been pending for long and your chosen reviewer was not available at the moment, so I decided to jump in an do your request. I hope you don't mind though. I did try my best. Anyway, here goes~   Critique:

Story Title: 3.5/5

The title is fine, though a bit typical and cliche in the AFF world. Google has proven that point. I saw a lot of stories with the same title as yours, but that title was indeed connected to the plot itself. It gave off the feeling as well since it seemed more like a moan? Haha. It is also connected to the characters since Chanyeol was Baekhyun's step-brother, right? All in all, it was fine, though typical, but I believe that it suits the story well.

 

Graphics: 0/0

I will not be grading this section as you had neither a poster not a background picture. However, I do advise you to get your graphics soon as they are indeed helpful in attracting potential readers. Like what I've been saying from my previous reviews, graphics are normally considered as unimportant, but they are. Let's use a book in a library as an example. Normally, wouldn't your eyes settle for attractive covers? The same goes here in Asianfanfics, though posters do their job instead. Anyway, do get them. There are various graphic shops out there that are more than willing to do the job for you.

 

Description and Foreword: 5/10

The description was actually fine. I just felt like there were a thoughts missing. For instance, at the beginning part of the description talked about Baekhyun being an only child, and that he's smart and good looking but not quite popular, then his only child days suddenly ended. I just felt like there should've been at least a sentence saying how his only child days were. For instance, was he happy being an only child and whatnot? Then and there, you can place the third sentence after that as it would seem like a contradicting sentence to the previous one. Here's an example to make things a bit clearer.

(Revised Version) Baekhyun was smart and good-looking, but not quite popular. He was also an only child, though being one was fine with him. However, his 'only child' days ended when his father confessed that he married a woman before Baekhyun's mom...

I'm not that proud with the suggestion, but I hope that my explanation above made sense. I just felt like the first few sentences didn't really match each other. Anyway, below is the revised version of your description that I made. I corrected the errors and such, and there's a brief explanation of the changes I made below.

(Original Version) Baekhyun is an only child. He's smart and Goodlooking, But not quite popular. His Only child days will end when his father confess that he married a woman before baekhyun's mom, and he have a son with her, who will be living with them since the guy's mother died. It was fine with baekhyun, in fact, he was excited, but everything will change when his so called step brother changes his life...... and his uality.

(Revised Version) Baekhyun was an only child. He was smart and good-looking, but not quite popular. His 'only child' days ended when his father confessed that he married a woman before Baekhyun's mom, and that he had a son with her who will be leaving with them since the woman died. Baekhyun was fine with it. In fact, he was excited, but everything changed when his so-called step brother changed his life... and his uality.

Based from the description, I'd say that you should've wrote it in past tense considering the fact that you were relaying something that happened in the past. The tenses were a bit mixed up in your version. It was quite redundant, though not that much. The punctuations used was problematic as well, especially with the commas. The capitalization were wrong as well, like for the second sentence where the coordination conjunction 'but' wherein 'but' was capitalized when it shouldn't be.

Just like what I've said in the graphics section, you have to mind the appearance of your story in order to give a very complimentary first impression for the potential readers. I saw that you placed "no foreword posted" in the foreword section. Normally, author's notes and credits, etc, are placed in the foreword. Brief summaries, character charts and other things like quotes and whatnot are placed in the description. In your case, the author's note that you placed after the description can be placed at the foreword instead. Since you requested in this shop, you can also placed the proper credits there. Character charts are your choice though. They are preferable from distinct stories, though you can put one since your story is a chaptered one anyway. I'm not a very big fan of character charts, but it is a good way of introducing the characters. Just don't put too much information. Giving away too much information is a big no-no.

 

Characterization: 6.5/10

Characters should come across to the reader as real people with whom they can identify. That means that what the character thinks, feels, and does should feel to the reader like how a real person thinks, feels, and acts. In that case, as the author, you have to be very efficient with your use of words. Make them do double or triple duty. Having said that,  your protagonist must be one your reader can identify with, relate to, and empathize with and be believable. Your antagonist, on the other hand, must be one your reader will fear, hate, and maybe do herself in, or not. How much characterization is required, depends on whether your short story is character driven or plot driven.

Now, based from your story, there are no antagonists yet, which was fine since the story has yet to progress, and it was a very good idea to improve Baekhyun and Chanyeol's relationship before introducing the antagonists. Baekhyun's personality was fine, too. He was sometimes innocent in terms of Chanyeol's intimacy, but he did mention that he was still a , so I can say that he is innocent, though he often cusses especially at Chanyeol though. Chanyeol, on the other hand, was the typical cocky and arrogant bad boy in the relationship. I still don't understand his character well since for one, I noticed that you focused the story on Baekhyun's side, which made me think that it might have been better if you relayed it in Baekhyun's POV instead, though I prefer a third person's though. Anyway, I would like to know more things about Chanyeol in the future.

It's pretty important you need to get the audience to fall in love with this character and care about him depending if its the protoganist. We need to know where he's coming from and where he plans on going. So far, I am loving both characters, which is, I think, a good thing that might turn into a bad thing. They had minimal flaws. Chanyeol's flaws were pretty understandable considering how he's the typical bad boy. I just want to know their limits. For instance, what would they do during these types of situations. In other words, I'm hoping that they do something bad, maybe not that bad, but bad in a way