"We Belong Together"

Author: trollprincess

Main Characters: Luhan and Minseok

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Family, Fluff, Romance, , Mpreg

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Minseok wants a child of his own while Luhan just wants .

 

   

Story Title: 3.5/5

Your story title in my opinion seemed really cliché. I thought it was more of a fluff type of story when I first saw it but as the story progresses, I can see it has a different meaning towards the whole story. I guess, it's an okay title for this story. I felt like it should be a more dramatic story since this story has drama but very little. You need to really catch the reader's attention so something dramatic but not going off the story plot would be nice. 

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

Your overall description and foreword was quite messy. Your description was short, straightforward and there is nothing wrong with it so I don't have anything to complain but it's mainly on your foreword, I guess. You put the story information (title, pairing, etcetera) first and then a short passage of the story underneath which created that messy look. I think you should switch the story information with the small passage in order to make it look neater but at the same time, for the reader to get the full understanding of the description and foreword.
There are slight errors within the foreword but these are easily fixable.

unconciously - unconsciously He really doesn't want to sign the contract deal before him. - He didn't really want to sign the contract before him. [...] that made his heart flutters - [...] that made his heart flutter. Ohh, that skilled hands that manage to get him to heaven, - Oh, those skilled hands that managed to get me in to heaven. 

Since you wrote 'Luhan though [...]', it shouldn't be 'him to heaven' but 'me to heaven' since it's saying Minseoks hands that managed to get me into heaven unless you are meaning the other way around but I'm not sure since it wasn't clear enough for my understanding, sorry.)

[...] I will going to disappear in your life. - [...] I will disappear in your life.

Your description and the part in the foreword didn't really make me gain interest before I stopped at the end of the foreword where it says, ''Oh, thank you, Luhan. Don't worry about everything (I think it would be a better choice if you saying 'anything' instead). As soon as I get pregnant, I will going to disappear in your life.'', really caught my attention and that's what made me gain interest. Kudos to you for that since both the context is short so it won't make the reader lost interest before they get to that last line. 

 

Character Development: 7.5/15

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 3/5

This story involved a lot of interactions, especially the beginning where I was legit knocked out of my breath after reading because there was so much emotions (ehem, lust) and had so many events one after the other (in a good way, don't worry). 
Everything happened all at once in just a single chapter. Honestly, I thought I was already on the 5th chapter but not in a bad way, just the extreme quick closeness they guys have together, the intimacy they both have other than the seed donation. You done well in making Minseok and Luhan interact, I liked how you put scenes other than plain , it showed how Luhan would interact with Minseok and vice versa.

Albeit the fact that I enjoy the fact that they have the 'bestfriend's aura' around them, I find them developing too quickly. Like I said, their extreme closeness, Luhan's want to see Minseok's smile and his automatic thought to go to Minseok's house to see a movie he features in instead of going to a close friend is quite quick just for the second chapter. And then the sudden chapter of then not having any contact was like shortening my lifetime because it was a sudden change from the skinship and relationship they had. 

P.S - I'm sorry for this weird question and I know this is fictional how the llama is Luhan hitting Minseok's "spot" where he can feel ecstasy? Like does holes now have a g-spot or something? 

b. Evolution of Characters. 4.5/5

At the beginning, I