Calling for JayJayLUV

"Academy of Assasins"

Author: JayJayLUV

Main Characters: Kang Chung Ae/Alcee (OC), EXO, Other characters

Genre: Action, Angst, Romance, School life

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Hello.
Congratulations. You have been accepted into the A.O.A. Yes, we know you did not send in an application. No one ever does. We only recruit our students and from what you are capable of, we would like you to join us.
The A.O.A. stands for Academy of Assassins. We train our students into becoming what the world is lacking - disciplinarians. They learn to fight, to steal, to poison, and to survive as a criminal on the run.
There are many classes available, all in which are very useful. Your major will be determined later on and you will be placed in one of these fields:
Genius Field
Superhuman Field
Picasso Field
President Field
These four fields represent the four basics of transforming into an assassin. After deciding on your majoring field, you will be sorted into another group. This group will be your mission crew. As there are four fields to major in, there are a varying number of mission crews you may be recruited into.
We will find you in a few days time and bring you to the school. If you do not wish to join, we send our best regards and hope you survive.
We will be waiting for an answer.
- Principal C.J.

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

As writers, we know that good story ideas can be hard to come by, but story titles may be just what you need to inspire your next masterpiece. Every author knows that the key to finishing a story is to give it a great title; the name can make all the difference in the world, right? What many writers overlook is that good titles can also be a great starting place; a place where characters and worlds start to take form in your mind. In your case, well it was a fine title I guess; however, I still feel like it's too common since there nothing unique in particular with that title of yours, but I must say, I can't even think of a more suitable story title for this one since the title itself is very relevant to the story.

But yeah, I still think that there's a better title more suitable for this story. First of all, I think that it's best if there's a particular name of that academy of assasins. Then, use that name instead. The "Academy of Assasins" is too broad, and it maybe one of the reasons why a small number of readers try and read through your story: it lacks attractiveness.

 

Graphics: 3/10

First of all, I admire you for having both a poster and a background that your personally made (I think). However, not only were they mismatching, but the designs were too unattractive as well. First of all, it would have been better if the poster and background was based on the color black since this is an action story after all, and based on what I've read from your chapters, I can say that dark graphics suit the mood of your story.

Secondly, the background was messed up, really. Not only was it unattractive. I can't even see what the picture is. I'm assuming that it looks somehow of a sniper shot thingy, but still, I think that the canvas is too big that only half of it can be seen. The same goes for the quote placed in red font. Only half of the words were readable, plus the color was way too mismatching to the rest of the elements of the background. A plain black background with your title on it and maybe some quote you want to put would be a better choice for me.

Thirdly, the poster was too simple; was too simple that I think I won't read your story after seeing it. I'm sorry. I know I sound so harsh right now, but I just have to say this. Graphics is one of the most important elements in a story, especially here on AFF since graphics are one of the things that most likely attracts readers mainly since the space for it is bigger here compared on Wattpad where it's not that noticeable. Back to your poster, like what I've said before, it's too unattractive. The school you put was way too normal as it looks as if it was a normal school you can find anywhere. A school that looks isolated would be a better choice since this is a school of assassins, and I don't even know if this school is legal or illegal in your story, but yeah. A more isolated looking school would be better. Also, why not put the main characters in the poster, right? A poster with just the school in it, and in black and white I must add, looks way too boring for me.

That's all I have to say tbh. You should try requesting to graphic shops out here on AFF. There are a lot of good ones, and I recommend some to you if you want. They'd be more that willing to do the job for you. Make sure to request a poster with a matching background, and try to incorporate the things I've stated above. Just try to think of it though. It's still your decision if you want to change it or not.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

Let's talk about the physical appearance of your description first. First of all, the font "Courier" somehow matched the theme of the story, however, the mood was ruined as I read all the way from your author's note to the co-author's note. Do not put colorful colors in your font especially when your story is a horror, action, or a suspense kind of story. It somehow ruined the mood of your story. Also, you may think that the foreword is not important, but no, it is. Like I've said before, it kind of ruined the mood, so it's best to stick with a black font color, and a more enticing font style if I might add. Avira Garde maybe a good choice for your author's note, or even Georgia or Tahoma. Oh and as much as possible, don't make it's font size bigger than that of your description's. Remember that our description is far more important than your foreword.

A description is your chance to speak directly to your readers about why you wrote the story, what it’s about, and why it’s important. As it is an introduction to your story, a description should include information about the plot. I have no issue with your description whatsoever. It gave a very enticing summary of what the story is all about: the plot, the theme, and the idea of what the characters 'll be. You didn't give off everything as well, which is a good thing ofcourse since it created some sort of a cliffhanger, encouraging your readers to read further. It sounded unique as well, and the fact that it was the Principal's speaking made it even more interesting. Overall, nice description, but you should word on the appearance of your main page.

 

Characterization: 7.5/10

Characterization is a crucial part of making a story compelling. In order to interest and move readers, characters need to seem real. Authors achieve this by providing details that make characters individual and particular. Good characterization gives readers a strong sense of characters' personalities and complexities; it makes characters vivid, alive and believable. In your case, characterization is too important, since this is not really a realistic kind of story, but yeah. I still think that you lack in character development. Maybe a better way of improving them would be by telling the readers directly what their personalities are like, since I've noticed that you somehow tend to go around the bush. Also, try to use a character's actions to reveal his or her personality. This is an easier way to develop them. 

For Chung Ae or Alcee, I see her as a very remorseful yet strong girl. I have to say though, I was kind of confused with her personality. Just a tiny bit though. I can't really determine what her real personality is, since at some point, she shows pity, but the next thing she shows is remorse and hate. Then the next would be fright and shyness, then she'd go berserk all of a sudden. I don't know. I was just kind of confused, but yeah, I still picture her as the strong girl. My only problem would be that she's still the typical strong and fierce girl I read with the other action fics here on AFF. Maybe you should work on improving her character development more, and make sure to add a bit of twists on her side story to make it more differentiable with the other stories here on AFF. Oh and one thing. It would've been better if you explained why she introduced herself as Alcee instead of Chung Ae. I know that it's because of her past, but I can't help but think that there's something more, since Alcee is kind of a very unique name for me, so yeah. Just ignore this one. Teehee.

For Luhan and Chen, well I can't say that they're that close with Chung Ae, but yeah. I'm guessing that Chen has a bit of a crush with General Lina, but I was a bit confused with the scenes regarding Suho, especially the ending part of Chapter 3 or 5 I think, wherein Lina slapped Suho because Suho told Chung Ae that she doesn't accept new trainees anymore. Something like that. Haha. It somehow confused me, but I guess you'll explain it in the following chapters, right? Also, I'm guessing that you're partnering her up with Luhan. That's just a hunch though, but I hope I'm right.

Another problem I might add is that you have a lot of characters, which honestly, made me confused in some part. You've used names from k-pop idols like EXO and B.A.P, but for the generals as an example, it may be hard to keep them in mind since their names aren't that well-known unlike the others; plus, you have too many characters already, so it's hard to keep them all in track. I'm assuming that you'll introduce more characters in the future, so a fair warning for you, try to lay it slow to avoid confusion and misunderstandings.

 

Plot: 34/40

I can't say that the plot is unique since I've read some stories before re