[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for sujushineebeastlover[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]When You're Gone[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: When You're Gone

Author: sujushineebeastlover

Main Characters: Kevin, Dongho, Eli,  (dead)

Genre: Angst

Status: Completed

Description of Story: After Eli's death, Kevin fell into a deep depression, pushing everyone away. A year later, on the anniversary of his love's death, would Kevin finally move on, or do what he wanted to do a year ago?

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 2.5/5

I get why you put ‘When You’re Gone’ as a title. But, it isn’t exactly very unique. Quite typical actually for an angsty-death-like fanfic. I searched this up and a jillion fanfics with the same title came up. Maybe you could make it something like: Our Beloved Death, I don’t know; spice it up with some irony like what I just did. You don’t have to be so conformed. 

 

Graphics: 9/10

I actually loved the graphics. It was perfect portrayal of your concept. I loved the dark colours which enhanced your story very nicely. 
I also really liked the background, it really went well with your December-frost idea you had going on. However, I recommend for a more faded background as it was quite distracting when I read. 
I also didn’t like the font used within the poster, the gradient and default font style made your poster looking very.. how do I put it, unaesthetically pleasing? It just lessened the quality of the poster. 
Other than that, I loved the graphics and their depiction. 

 

Description and Foreword: 8/10

It was short, and very concise. It led the reader to question what Kevin wanted to do. So I liked that. 
However, you did make a grammatical error or maybe it was just a typo: “The anniversary of his love’s death,” which should have been > “The anniversary of his lover’s death,”
Your foreword was very short, it was good, but didn’t really say much. In the foreword you’re supposed to allure the reader into clicking Next, I’m not quite sure if you did that.

 

Characterization: 5/10

There was definition not enough background information. All we know is that U-KISS is very despondent due to Eli’s death and the affect it made on Kevin. But ask yourself: Kevin is very lonely who isolated himself from everyone, was he like this before Eli’s death? Explain what he was like before he let the depression consume him. You may want to add flashbacks to where Kevin and Eli was a happy couple or when everyone in U-KISS was not inches away from tearing apart, display a goofy side of them. Trust me, it will impact the reader to evoke emotions of sadness and sympathy by comparing the past and present. 

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter