☑ signupb*tch
Mental Breakdown Reviews ★ (╥﹏╥) ★ ☰ ARCHIVES"Unfelt"
Author: signupb*tch
Main Characters: Sehun, OC
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Romance
Status: Completed
Description of Story:
Fate sweeps away everything from Sehun, while Chung Ae strives to gather everything back to him.
Story Title: 4/5
The title is meaningful. 'Unfelt' could be figurative or literal. The story justifies this title so good job on that. However, no matter how much this title suits your story, this is a very simple title. It won't make you click in an instant. In fact, it did not make me curious. I guess that is just me since, just like what I said for so many times, I am very hard to be pleased. But nonetheless, this is a good title and so I only deducted one point.
Graphics: 5/10
The poster is a pain to my eyes. Like, really. It's too crowded. I recommend another poster for this story, though I don't think that will be really necessary. You see, I cannot focus. To whom should I look at? Of course, to all characters but they are all screaming for attentions! “Hey, look at me! I am so sad!” “Look at me! I look like a rich y girl! Love me!” “Look at me! I am a stoic guy! Love me!”
The thing is, in a poster, there should be unity. Just look at the movie posters. Although a lot of them consist of many characters in one posters, there is unity, there is one theme. In your poster, however, the three characters are trying to grab my interest that I just did not want to see their big eyes anymore. Of course, I know that this is not your work but really, I did not like this poster. The only reason why I gave this half of the total score was, the images kinda match the characters in your story. Well, kind of.
Chung Ae is looking down, sad and at the same time, kind of hopeful. She knows (or at least she thinks) that Sehun will never love her and yet deep in her heart, she is still hoping that Sehun will return her love for him.
Seohyun, on the other hand...she doesn't really look like the girl in your story. Seohyun did not come off as a y secondary main girl character to me when I read your story. I don't know why I found her image on your poster as a spoiled brat girl. Perhaps it's because of the crown, or her clothes...I don't know.
Sehun: Well, he always has this stoic face anyway so I guess any serious image of him will do so I've got nothing to say.
You know how I imagine your poster is supposed to be? As cliché as it may look like, Sehun should be standing between the two girls. And then there's a road behind them (mostly on Sehun's side), a long, endless, hopeless road. I also imagine Sehun in a “vanishing” effect. With that effect, I would be more curious. Like, “why is he vanishing in this poster?” That would definitely pique anyone's curiosity. I said this because in your story, Sehun is alive but at the same time, he is also dead. Chung Ae, as I can imagine, has this faraway look, like she is looking at someone who is there but has been gone for a long time. Seohyun is wearing white, not just because she died (heck, both of the girls died. She just died first, t hat's all) but because she did not become that usual evil girlfriend we mostly see in fanfictions.
The colors, since this is angst, could be in black, red, and light brown. I usually request for those colors whenever I request a poster for an angst story. Anyway, these are just my suggestions. Still, I did not like your poster.
Description and Foreword: 8/10
The description is almost perfect had you just kept an eye of it. I know that this is just an OC version of Unfelt HunHan version and you know what? It's obvious!
Original: Chung Ae strives to gather everything back to him.
Correction: Chung Ae strives to gather everything back to her.
Be careful creating versions of your original copies, especially if you're changing the genders of your characters.
Other than that, it's an interesting Description. Not catchy, not memorable, but it is a good description, nonetheless.
As for the foreword:
Original: April 12, 2013 Chung Ae...
Correction: April 12, 2013
Chung Ae sings out of tune....
Original: “Happy birthday Sehun,” she starts the song
Correction: “Happy birthday, Sehun,” she sings.
(Don't tell. Just show that she sings)
The picture of Sehun here is just too big. It's taking up too much space. I guess you haven't had tried to view your story using your mobile phone. It's just a guess. As a person who uses her mobile phone to read fanfics, Sehun's big picture here is really an eye-rolling. Sorry, but I had to really scroll down several times before I got to the bottom of the page. Remember that there are us who view fanfics using our mobile phones so be considerate. Change the image, a friendly size, that is.
Or better yet, do not include any character images at all! Especially the Ocs. It ruins the imagination of a reader. I will say this again: The beauty of literature is, it gives you freedom to imagine, to create the existing story to your own version.
So what is the use of imagining your Original Characters' faces if I already saw how they looked like? Don't rely on the pictures you can find on the internet. Use your imagination. Describe how they look like on your story. I do not like it every time the authors info dump me. “Here's how my OC looks like, now remember it!”
I like imagining, sorry.
Characterization: 8/10
This is where I really had a hard time typing (aside from the Plot section which had loopholes and the fact that I typed this review using my mobile phone) since they are kind of hard to understand. Not in a bad way, you see. Okay, let's start.
Sehun: Sehun is this typical boyfriend and best friend type. He's not really interesting. In fact, he's kind of boring BUT this boring character has played a big role that twisted this story. So his typical characterization here is used in a good way. Because of him, Chung Ae suffers a lot. Because of him, two girls have suffered. Had he just been braved, he and Chung Ae could be together and that tragedy might not happen (I said 'might' because who knows, right?) But still, if he had told to Chung Ae that he loved her, Chung Ae would not be hurt that much.
I know that he is afraid, that he does not want to destroy their long time friendship but still, I was hoping that he could have had at least IMPLIED (aside from ending his sentences with “friend”) to Chung Ae that he sees her more than as a friend. He has, as much as he does not want to, destroyed two women's lives. It's hard to say but it's like his fault but also not his fault. You see? It's complicated! Aside from that, I was also waiting for a character development before the big tragedy happened but as I read again, I thought it was not that necessary.
Boring he maybe is, he is still the key of this story.
Chung Ae: Chung Ae is the character that has moved me. I could feel her pain when I was reading her thoughts. She's kind of a martyr, waiting for Sehun to love her back. Whenever Sehun and Seohyun are exchanging sweet words, I feel so bad for her, so bad that I want her to stop loving Sehun and just move on with her life. But how could she when she thinks that he is the only one she has left? She is this person who thinks she cannot live without Sehun. When Sehun lost his memories and developed this syndrome (which I discussed on the Plot section since I saw some loopholes, as I have said), I feel more bad for her. The thing is, her reactions are believable. If she had never had snapped and acted rude toward Sehun, I would not believe her and I might had stopped liking her character. But thank god, you did not go to this ultimate martyr type of character. She is just a woman who has loved the wrong person who will never love her (in her view since Sehun is such a coward to admit his feelings) She curses, she snaps, she cries, she sometimes feels down and that is what I love about her! She's a human, after all! I mostly dislike Original Characters here on AFF since most of the time, they are perfect. Chung Ae is not perfect and that is good since she possesses normal human reactions.
One thing though is this: Sehun ends his sentences with 'friend” whenever he talks to her and that tone (maybe it is just my imagination, but no! Sehun loves her too!) implies that for Sehun, she is more than a friend.
I had this friend who ended his sentences with “friend”. I am not stupid. I instantly knew that he liked me. We did not end up together (I am only 13) but we still stayed as a friend. For Chung Ae's age, she should have noticed that tone. Or maybe she's just too afraid to hope? Poor Chung Ae. But I really like her.
Seohyun: Just like what I have said, thank god you did not write her as this bad girlfriend stereotype character. She is not blind, unlike Sehun. She knows that Chung Ae is in loved with her boyfriend. She cannot give up with Sehun. But at the same time, she cannot give up her friendship with Chung Ae (though I doubt that their friendship is THAT strong)
But still, there is something I did not like about her as a reader, and not as a reviewer. I think she knows too that Sehun is in loved with Chung Ae. Now, she also knows Chung Ae's undying love for Sehun and yet she never tells a word about it to Sehun. I know that she just really loves Sehun but she's still selfish. Now, maybe she doesn't know that Sehun love Chung Ae but I doubt that. It's only Sehun who is stupid in this story (sorry for calling him stupid but he is, at least in my eyes)
At her death bed, she has finally realized that Sehun should be with Chung Ae. It's still kind of selfish for me. It's like this: “Oh hey, I am dying, now you can have my boyfriend. But if this did not happen, I would not let him go and I'll still let both of you SUFFER!”
All in all, they have their own reasons, they have motivations, not much character development aside from the two women, but still, they are likable characters with believable actions (except Sehun, not beause of his syndrome though)
Plot: 30/40
Now, before I discuss the biggest loophole I have found in your story, let me just get there slowly but surely.
The plot is not really that original, of course and it does not matter. At least it has a twist.
This story is not for people who hope for happy endings because this story has none of t hat. It is heart-breaking but not disappointing. After reading, I have asked so many “what ifs” What if at least just one of them (Sehun and Chung Ae) had at least been brave enough to confess? Would it change everything? Would they even meet Seohyun? Would there even be an accident? What if Chung Ae had told Sehun the night before that tragedy her real feelings? Would Sehun leave Seohyun? (Sehun is learning to love Seohyun too) What if Seohyun did not invite them to the amusement park? What if this and that? So many questions and yet none of them would be answered.
It's kind of a usual story wherein a best friend falls for her best friend. This best friend is supposedly in loved with another. The thing that you have changed is, as I have said before, Seohyun is not that a bad girl. She's just a little bit selfish which is understandable since she loves Sehun.
Then there's this amnesia thing after a very tragic accident. Sehun does not remember Chung Ae until the very end. The moment he threw the paper and thought of it as nothing but just a thing he did not even know, that broke my heart and still, it's a breath of fresh air. I would raise my eyebrows if at the last moment, Sehun would suddenly remember Chung Ae. Good thing he did not. As much as I wanted him to remember Chung Ae, it was really good that you aimed for realism. It would be really pathetic (and in not a sad way) that Chung Ae's death would bring back Sehun because in reality, that is impossible.
Speaking of impossible. I have done a lot of research about this Kluver-Bucy syndrome. Since I don't trust internet that much, I had also asked my friend's mother who is a doctor. Ha, I guess I was taking your story too seriously but I was really intrigued of how you have used this syndrome to create a conflict in your story.
Now, as a reader, I really did love how you used this syndrome. I love how Chung Ae stayed with Sehun despite the fact that Sehun would never return, he would never come back. Sehun is dead and yet he is alive. Sehun is alive and yet he is dead.
Now, let me see this story as a reviewer. I know that Sehun's case is the first in Korea and maybe as well in Asia.
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