Author: signupb*tch

Main Characters: Sehun, Luhan and Kai

Genre: Romance and Tragedy

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
Fate sweeps everything away from Sehun.

Story Title: 5/5

This one word title works amazing for your story.  Your story doesn’t need any more words in the title than this one word. It’s sharp, unique and very original. It does suit the storyline perfectly. If you read the title, you may suspect a very emotional story but my lord.. I was blown away. I could already suspect the emotional side of the story, but it drove me literally to tears. It captures the attention of the readers but moreover it triggers their curiousity to start reading. I won’t stop anybody from reading your story. 

Description and Foreword: 10/10

As far as your description goes, don’t change it! That one sentence gives you enough information to continue reading. It’s mysterious, angsty and full of emotion. The readers won’t know what hit them. Also by keeping it simple and sophisticated you can send another feeling to the readers than the one they should be having. You actually can interpret your foreword as the start of a cliché love story OR you can guess something might happen without you know the severity of the situation. To be honest, you surprised me in a good way. I like that very much about stories.

I like your foreword, it gives us already a taste of the story and introduces us to 2 of the main characters.  Those two last lines of the foreword are breathtaking. They are very simple but with so much meaning. They set the right tone and mood for the story. You talk about the word “untitled”, well you could easily have named your story like that as well. Although, the impact of that word would be different from the title you have chosen now. Did you maybe rename your story do “Unfelt”? Could it be that before it was called “Untitled”?

Character Development: 15/15

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 5/5

As far as the credibility goes from your characters, you’re spot on. The characters are very much intertwined with each other. They react to each other in suitable way. When something tragic happens, you can see the characters change from completely happy and bubbly to a robot with no emotion or the complete opposite which supposed to be a complete emotional mess. Let’s meet the characters we have in the story. Your story is about the LUSEKAI  pairing or in which order you would like to place them.  Sehun is this bubbly and happy persona who lives together with Luhan for more than thirteen years now. As they already live that long together, they are beyond best friends. They are very close to each other. Actually they are full of desire for one another but they are apperantly to scared to admit it. Which lead them to the situation they are in right now. Someone else has captured Sehun’s heart. That would be Kai, but he on his turn is wel aware that he can’t acquire the love that Sehun is actually feeling for Luhan. But he doesn’t want anyone else to know what he knows. Especially not Sehun. So he hides it and at a certain point actually confronts Luhan with the fact that he does know about his feelings towards Luhan. But eager as he is he doesn’t want Sehun to leave him. So he intimidates Luhan by doing the one thing that will crushes Luhan. Luhan is the lifelong childhood “friend” from Sehun and one of the best friends to Kai. Luhan is the sweet deer who wouldn’t hurt a fly. But by loving Sehun so dearly, he is actually hurting himself more than he would ever admit to. Unfortunately, fate isn’t at their side when something tragic happens. This causes Luhan to completely go in overdrive and changes from very positive person slowly into a wrecking mess. For Sehun and Kai, it’s much worse though.. Because of the terrible thing that happened to them the old Sehun is completely gone and there is a new Sehun on the horizon. For new Sehun, the old one is completely vanished which makes Luhan devistated. Kai, unfortunately, can’t do anything more than being there to inform Luhan about his desires and wishes and promises he made. You did a great job on implenting all the different character changes upon them suited for things that are happening

b. Evolution of Characters. 5/5

The evolution of your characters is amazing. At a certain moment is goes very fast, but actually I didn’t mind that. I can understand why the evolution happens so fast in your story. It’s very realistic though, it would be the same in real life.  In the beginning, we have to admit that not everything was all sweetness and light but still, it did go well. And than fate took the better hand of the situation. Was it because of Luhan’s dark wish, his jealousy or jus