"ALYNM,"

Author: Miro-chan

Main Characters: Suzy, Jiyong, Seohyun, Xiumin (and also 'The Mistress')

Genre: Angst, Mystery, Romance, Schoollife, Tragedy

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
"I need you, Suzy....we can stick together and work something out"
"Well first, act like you need me, "

Story Title: 3.5/5

Story titles are one of the key ways you can hook your readers. Titles not only need to be catchy but also give you an idea of what the story is all about. I've read some stories before that the title seemed completely unrelated to the story. Well, honestly, titles aren't that important; however, it plays an important role in potentially marketing your story. Many people do look at the titles to guide their choices, and if the title isn't related to the story, then the reader might be turned off from that author in the future. There is a high probability that that'll happen. Generic titles aren't really necessary. You just have to make sure that it is very relevant to the story, but at the same time, catchy, wherein it attracts the readers' attention.

In your case, well it is somehow relevant. To be honest, the title kind of piqued my interest. I knew the meaning of ALYNM [Act Like You Need Me] beforehand so there's no issue with that. The word 'b*tch' though. I was a bit curious about it, but I had a hunch that this story was probably badass, and it turned out I was right. For uniqueness of the title, well it is unique. I have never come across a title like yours before. Probably because of the word b*tch since most of the author that I know of here on AFF are kind of afraid to include curse words in their titles. As for the relevance of the title, well I can say it's relevant. I mean, act like you need me is something that is relatable to Suzy's character, but the meaning of that acronym cannot be incorporated to her as of the moment, for me at least. I do understand that she's looking for some attention from her friends, but meh. Maybe in the following chapters I would understand it more. Overall, I think there's no problem whatsoever with your title. Honestly, readers' might get intrigued with that kind of title, so good job. I deducted a point and a half since the title looks a bit informal; plus, the relevance of that title in the story is a bit blurry at the moment.

Graphics: 7/10

I don't exactly fancy your poster. First of all, I would really love it more if the other elements of the poster didn't change [from the animation] except the characters at the middle part of the poster. There were times where it gets too dark then a bit brighter than the previous one. It was a bit too 'old-fashioned' for me as well. I mean, the blurry or something effects of the poster. I would've preferred it having a clearer design since it looks like of low quality, but hey. That's just me. I'm very sorry for the designer. It suits the story though to be honest. It's just too blurry for me. As for the characters displayed, I prefer them without Xiumin to be honest. Actually, I would prefer it if there was only Suzy at the poster. That would kind of arouse the curiosity of the readers, but at the same time, making it clear that Suzy is the main character in the story. I think it would exert more power since Suzy's the badass one in the story who wants revenge. Well that's what I think.

From the poster and the other dividers you used at the description, I could tell that you love flowers. Well, I kind of know that from before but yeah. I've noticed.  As for the background, well I have no issue with it whatsoever. The plain black background with the simple title etched on it was fine. They were readable and visible at the same time, which is a good thing ofcourse. Overall, the graphics are fine, but there some loopholes for me.

Description and Foreword: 6/10

First of all, there wasn't any description at all. To be honest, they were merely two dialogues from two characters in the story. I presume it's Suzy and one of the girls... or Xiumin? Or not? It's a bit mysterious too so I guess readers might read your story due to curiosity. Heck, even I got curious. Anyway, I would've loved it if you placed something like a brief description before you place those dialogues. It did somehow portray a part of the general plot of the story wherein the other one was a bit badass considering the word 'b*tch', but since this is a chaptered story, it might be a good idea to attract more readers by providing a catchy and interesting description. This is just me wanting an interesting description though. You don't have to add anything just because I said so. As for the main genre being 'revenge', I didn't really feel that through your description. It only told me that someone was telling her that they should stick together and work something out, but the latter only said that he/she needs to act like he/she needs her. Well, for one, it was connected to your title, so kudos to that. However, the revenge feel wasn't that well-felt, but meh. Maybe that's just me.

For the grammatical errors, well I found some. For example is the ellipsis you put at the first dialogue. First of all, there's no such thing as a four-dotted ellipsis. You should fix it and make them three, then put a space after. To be honest, I think an ellipsis is unnecessary. For one, you didn't really need to continue the sentence; rather you have to divide it. For instance, it should be "I need you, Suzy. We can stick together and work something out." For me, this makes more sense than that with an ellipsis. As for the second dialogue, I think it would sound better if it was "Act like you need me first, ." There's no need for the word 'well'. Using that word would somehow make it seem that the person who said that was thinking about it. By removing it, it would seem like she said it without hesitation. Oh, and don't forget to put periods at the end of your sentences.

As for the foreword, I think it's a bit messy; messy because it took unnecessary space. For instance is the credits section. You could align them in the center, with the banners placed beside each other. You could arrange the links together as well. Just lessen the space used. It looks a bit messy for me. That goes the same for the posters placed below. Try aligning them at the center, and maybe place the designers or credits of them above or below. Your choice though.

Characterization: 6/10

First of all, when you're analyzing characterization, you are analyzing how a character has been shaped within a work of fiction. It is best to analyze the characterization of each character individually first. Sometimes, after you’ve analyzed three or four characters, you begin to notice a pattern in how an author chooses to characterize the characters in that story. As the author, you might specifically use dialogues to characterize, or actions, but it is important to isolate these concepts and avoid making assumptions about the work before you’ve looked at it closely.

For Suzy, well she's the character you characterized the most. However, you still lack in elaborating her personality. For instance, I don't really know what her life is. I don't even know the clear reason as to why she wanted revenge in the first place. I do know that it has something to do with Seohyun and Jiyong, but that's it. You just mentioned something along the lines of those two not sticking up for her. I mean, what do they exactly have to stick up for. I'm assuming that it would be her getting locked up somewhere, but that's still unclear. I'm also presuming that she's bipolar or something. Well, a lot of things confused me to be honest. At a personal level, I think you should create a link between the reader and the your characters as an indication of your craftsmanship. An indifferent character leads to an indifferent story. It may still be a good read, but it won’t be a memorable read. A tip is to make your readers feel empathy/sympathy for the lead characters because that'll make them remembers you and the story as well. For instance, there were scenes whereas Suzy was a bit surprised that she was crying. You could've emphasized that part. You could've added a few more sentences that depicts her emotions and whatnot. That wouldn't be a big problem since you're using a first-person's point-of-view.

As for the minor characters, they weren't really that explored still. I, or we, only knew of the basic information for them. I think it's a good thing since it didn't make the story seem r