Calling for illumina_dain

"The Grandmaster"

Author: illumina_dain

Main Characters: Sehun, Jongin, Kyungsoo, Luhan, OCs

Genre: Fantasy/Supernatural

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Everyday, they walk the same path we walk
Everyday, they talk with language we use
Everyday, they breath the same air with us
But
They have something we don't have
They use something we can't even imagine to have
They can do anything
And
They already live among us for centuries
They are The Grandmaster

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 5/5

Your title is definitely unique, original and relevant to your story but I wasn't interested. It felt old-school, victorian and to me just boring. Now that was my first impression so I haven't read the story yet, but it didn't pique my interest and gave me mixed feelings.

 

Graphics: 9.5/10

Your poster was CRAZY. Especially Kai, it looked like he was going to kill someone XD None the less, it gave of the dark, angst, fantasy feeling and I enjoyed it. Everything complemented eachother well and I felt slightly creeped out.... because of Kai BUT he does give of the 'master' vibe so I am slightly interested in the story ^^

 

Description and Foreword: 10/10

For the description you kept using Everyday, which is alright as it's repetition but it can get quite annoying I think you should've put the first three lines in a sentence. But then it would ruin the next couple lines as they are the same except they begin with 'they' so... it's quite hard, none the less it did get my attention and I was interested to read it ^^

 

Characterization: 7/10

The first person you described was Sehun and right away I knew alot of things about him. He didn't like waiting for people, he didn't really have hobbies, his bestfriend was Kai, he has a phone (duh ~ XD), the obvious; he breathes in bubble tea XD, grumpy. You describe things, sometime