Calling for PinKyPurPle13

"SpoRt Boy TomBoy GiRl"

Author: PinKyPurPle13

Main Characters: Kim Jongin aka Kai, Son Naeun and Yoon Bomi, Byun Baekhyun

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Friendship, Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Kicks sports car ? Son Naeun never forget . Because of that incident , she involved with a handsome guy but very annoying . That Sport boy very severe . That's the name she gave to Kim Jongin aka Kai . She always feels resentful because of Sport boy , very annoying .

Kim Jongin aka Kai . Who doesnt know the handsome guy like him ? Had many fangirl , however . . . he dont interested ! He only feels interested when plays with girls's heart . It's because of his lover left him for another guy !  However , after he meet Son Naeun , Tomboy Girl who always appear in his life , he always be incoherent . Somehow , he always make trouble with that Cute girl .

 

    Critique:

Story Title: 1.5/5

First of all, your title was very informal. The capitalization was way too off, to the point that it looked a bit childish. There are certain rules and guidelines in terms of story titles, and I think you should read about them. Try searching it up in Google and read. Furthermore, that kind of a title is a bit, how should I say this, grammatically incorrect? Somehow, you could've completed it instead, like "The Sport Boy and the Tomboy Girl". That way, it would've made more sense since it the phrase was complete with the conjunction 'and' and the article 'the'. I also corrected the capitalization. Now, it's your choice whether you'll change your title or not. Either way, do think about it, since I strongly think that some might get turned off with that kind of title. I'm not saying that your title is 'that' bad though. What I'm saying is about the capitalization, since normally, readers wouldn't want to read a story with that kind of title as it might look a bit childish in some people's eyes.

In terms of relevance though, I could say that it's relevant to the story. I mean, from the description itself, I can already see the relevance since Kai was being termed to as the sport boy whereas Naeun was being termed to as the tomboy girl. However, I couldn't say that it's original since it was a bit too common for a title, and I didn't find it that special, though it was slightly intriguing for me. It was a good thing that it stated something about the plot itself, which is good since the readers would know what the story will be about, though it could be a bad thing as well since it might've ruined the surprise along with the story. Likewise, I hope that there are way more twists in the next few chapters ahead, so that the readers, including me, would love to continue reading and to continue anticipating your future updates.

 

Graphics: 6/10

I'm not really that good in doing poster/graphic reviews; however, I'll still try by best. First of all, I don't quite understand why you included Baekhyun and Bomi in the poster. I mean, I would've understood it if they were somehow included in the description, but they weren't. Furthermore, the poster kind of looked a bit too crowded with how the characters' sizes were way too big for the poster. Moreover, their clothes didn't quite match. For instance, Kai's picture was of the Miracles in December era, right? If you'd ask me, I would choose a picture of Kai wherein he looked cool, like maybe if he was smirking or something. That way, his arrogance would me more evident, and his character would stand out from the poster itself. It's kind of like Baekhyun's expression in the poster. The title was too little compared to how big the characters were in the poster as well. Moreover, like what I've said in the past section, your title sounds kind of weird, especially because it didn't have a pause at the middle part of the word 'boy' and 'tomboy'. A comma would've simply done the job, though I'd think otherwise.

Anyway, I do admire you for requesting for a graphics, and please do not dwell on my judgment for this part since you did not make the poster yourself. The same goes to the designer. I'm just stating what I think will look better and such. I'm not really forcing you to change your graphics, but if you will take my advices/recommendations into consideration, then you might as well request for another round of graphics. You could request from the same shop you have requested before. Just make sure the credit them both to avoid problems in the future. Furthermore, you could also request for a character chart. That way, you'll no longer need to put individual character descriptions in your foreword. You could also put Bomi and Baekhyun there if you want. Just make sure not to crowd it that much or else it'd literally be an information overload for us, readers.

 

Description and Foreword: 4/10

I'm sorry to say this, but your description was not enticing at all, mainly because of the numerous grammatical errors I spotted from the moment my eyes laid upon it. Relevance-wise though, I'd say do did a fine job. I actually didn't mind the amount of information you had provided since that amount was fine enough. However, as I've said earlier, you had a lot of grammatical errors, and they were really distracting. First and foremost, I recommend you to change the font style. This is just a recommendation though, so don't feel burdened. It's just that that specific font is one of the font styles that most people loath here in AFF. How did I know? I have talked to most people here, and that was one of the things that I had concluded. Furthermore, you could either align them in the center, or justify the first two paragraphs, to make them look more presentable. 

(Original Version) Kicks sports car ? Son Naeun never forget . Because of that incident , she involved with a handsome guy but very annoying . That Sport boy very severe . That's the name she gave to Kim Jongin aka Kai . She always feels resentful because of Sport boy , very annoying . 

Kim Jongin aka Kai . Who doesnt know the handsome guy like him ? Had many fangirl , however . . . he dont interested ! He only feels interested when plays with girls's heart . It's because of his lover left him for another guy !  However , after he meet Son Naeun , Tomboy Girl who always appear in his life , he always be incoherent . Somehow , he always make trouble with that Cute girl .

"Well , we meet again right ?"
She was speechless . That Sport boy yesterday ! ! !
"Hurm . . . " replied Son Naeun , indifferent .
"You're being too crocky , right ? "
" So what if i'd have puffed ? Do You have any problems if I'd have puffed with you ?"

But , who knew ? They're meant to be . . .  

I don't mean to be rude here, but I hope you compare my revision with your version. I'm not saying that mine's better though. Well, basically I made it better, but I do hope that you understand my reasons of revising your description. Please don't feel the least bothered by this. I only want to show you what needs to be done and such. I hope we're on the same page here, okay? I hope there are not hard feelings or whatever. :) By the way, I might have changed a few words or phrases, but I will explain them below the revised version.

(Revised Version) Son Naeun would never forget how he kicked that sports car. Because of that incident, she got involved with a handsome yet a very annoying guy. That sport boy, the name she gave to Kim Jongin A.K.A Kai, was very severe. She had always felt resentful because of the sport boy.

On the other hand, who doesn't know a handsome guy like Kim Jongin? He has many fangirls, though he wasn't particularly interested with there. The only thing he was interested with is playing with girls' hearts. That was because his past girlfriend had left him for another guy. However, after he met Son Naeun A.K.A the tomboy girl, who always appeared in his life, he became incoherent. Somehow, he would always make trouble for the cute girl.

"Well, we met again, right?"
She was speechless. That was the sport boy yesterday!
"Hurm..." replied Son Naeun.
"You're being too cocky, right?"
"So what if I puffed ? Do you have any problems with me puffing?"

However, who knew that they were meant to be...

First of all, what did you mean by "Kicks Sports Car"? Is there a specific brand for sports ca