Calling for signupb*tch

"Tragedy of the Three Butts"

Author: signupb*tch

Main Characters: Suju, GG, Nuest, Bap, Exo, 2ne1, Big Bang, After School, BTS, Red Velvet,
f(x), DBSK, Infinite, Lee Sooman, Yang Hyunsuk, and Jinyoung Park

Genre: Crack

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
How could the three butts put the whole world in tragedy?

    Critique:

Story Title

The title seemed unique for me, especially since I don't read crack fics/stories. It was simple too, and intriguing if I might add. The "three butts" sounded really interesting, and I could already tell that the story was a crack one because of the title. That's quite important as one should determine a hint of some sort after reading the story title. However, I didn't really feel like that's the most proper title for your story. Those three butts didn't really have that much parts in the story, though they did end the story as a whole after pooping, and I understood that randomity of like after they pooped. Well, I'm not so sure myself, but I do like the title. I just didn't feel the existence of those three butts much.

Anyhow, I think it would sound better if you add an article for your story title. I think that the article 'the' should start it, making it "The Tragedy of the Three Butts." It sounds more interesting and intriguing, and it sounds utterly complete. You don't have to change anything though.

 

Description and Foreword

There's nothing much to say at this point. Actually, what I'll be saying at this section is relatively similar to what I've been telling on my reviews for your other stories. You actually design your foreword with the same format, though the format is not that attractive to be honest. It was simple indeed, but there's nothing special with the format that screams "effort." Maybe you could ask for a poster and a background from a graphics shop? Try to put a few pictures and maybe put some dividers. Aligning some of your text in the center would look good, too.

As for the description, it was short, simple and straight-forward, and I honestly think that there shouldn't be any words to add anymore as there aren't anything much to add anyways. It was fine though as it already talked about what the story is all about, though I really hope that your future readers would understand how random life really is after reading your story.

 

Plot

I'm not really a fan of such vulgar words and scenes like that, and some parts were extremely disgusting for my liking, especially when it involves boogers, menstrual blood and such. It made me cringe, but I did enjoy the story and some parts made me laugh out loud. At first, the plot was utterly confusing, and that was mainly because the first part seemed pointless. I mean, even the first sentence was so vulgar that it made me extremely shocked. However, the last part of your oneshot did clear up things, and that gave me such enlightenment that all those parts that I deemed pointless were actually the opposite. As vulgar as those parts may seem, you had a point, and it made me question myself of why I existed in the first place.

Now, I would've enjoyed it even more if things were more elaborated yet descriptive. It kind of flowed in a very fast pace, and I didn't quite understand a few parts that easily. I do understand that they were doing random ways, because like what you've explained in the story, life was indeed random. The thing was that it was too fast and random that it got confusing at some point. It would've been better if at least one scene had two of three sentences of explanation. It would've been even better if they were given longer segments so that we would be able to see how random they really acted with each other.

I would also like to point out some of the terms included. Not all readers here are aware of those terms. Heck, even I got confused with some, though I understood them at some point. I guess it would be better to put a history of those terms and provide their descriptions so that those curious readers would be able to understand them even better.

I also thought that only SM, YG and JYP idols would be involved, since the three CEOs were mentioned.

I didn't quite feel the 'three butts' in the story either. They weren't given much lines/parts, and those idols mentioned were normally those whom fans fathom for, so typically, they're given more attention than the three butts. Seeing how you made named them like that as your title, I guess it would be better to elaborate their parts more. Indeed, life can be so random that when the three gods pooped, the world got buried in tragedy. However, since you used them as your title, I deem that they should've had more parts, even if how random they were was portrayed. See, your explanation wasn't really necessary. A story should be understood without the author having to explain anything. 

 

Grammar and writing style

I'm not quite sure how you want me to grade this section seeing how this is the only section that you asked me to do from the rest, so I decided to just point out all the mistakes that I saw as I read through your chapter. Thankfully, there weren't that many, and most of them only required minor revisions. Here are those errors with my revised version and their individual explanations afterwards.

(Original Version) Donghae's poop sat down on Eunhyuk's ears; Siwon and Kibum ate the toilet, and they knocked at the torch and enveloped Kyuhyun's tissue.

(Revised Version) Donghae's poop sat down on Eunhyuk's ears, while Siwon and Kibum ate the toilet and knocked at the torch, enveloping Kyuhyun's tissue.

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