Calling for hotLover5

"Airport Confession"

Author: hotLover5

Main Characters: Jiyoung (Kara), Sehun and Kai (EXO)

Genre: Fluff, Friendship, Romance, Schoollife

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Maybe when you're too comfortable with the label 'best friend'.
You won't know that you are actually in love with them.
Being in love with someone who doesn't even look at you isn't the worst thing that could happen.
It almost like - that kind of exhale, where you haven't been rejected yet,
although you pretty much know how it's going to turn out.

    Critique:

Story Title

The title was a bit... simple for me. First and foremost, it's unoriginal in a sense that there are many more stories out there with the same title as yours. Second of all, it wasn't that alluring not intriguing. Thirdly, it was a bit predictable, probably because the title was too straight-forward. Last but not the least, it didn't suit the story's format. Why? That kind of title would've worked better for a oneshot story. However, this is a chaptered one. It might be the main point of the plot itself; however, the title was a one time thing. The story won't evolve on the airport confession only. On the good side, the title wasn't too long. I'd say that it was neutral in between being generic and bland. It was also easy to understand since they weren't really sophisticated, but like what I've said earlier, it was too simple yet too straight-forward.

A good title should be connected to the other elements of the story, especially with the plot. The main problem that I noticed, however, was that it wasn't related to your description. For instance, if a reader reads your title and then read your description next, wouldn't he/she be confused? Why? Because there was no connection with the title. I'll elaborate this further in the description section. Now, I'm not forcing you or whatever to change your title though. This is just my opinion that we're talking about here. There is a possibility that it's just me. 

 

Graphics

I like the graphics. It's elegantly designed, and it absolutely elaborated the story title. The airport was shown at the bottom, with an airplane as well. The positioning of the characters turned out great as well. I like how Kai was facing the left whereas Sehun was facing the right side, and Jiyoung was at the middle, clearly portraying a love triangle. The poster looked warm and romantic as well, which is totally my style. I like how the graphics focused on a skyblue color. What I disliked though is the bright highlight of the characters, like the highlight for Jiyoung. For instance, those highlights affected Kai and Sehun's pictures. It looked like an angel effect or something, too, which I'm pretty sure that Jiyoung is not an angel. Did you get what I mean though? Haha. Sorry. I'm not a graphic designer, so I don't know what it's called. Anyways, you didn't make the poster so there's no need to elaborate. What's important is that the graphics definitely matched the idea of the story. Good job.

 

Description and Foreword

Like what I've said in the Story Title section, I will be elaborating the connection between the title and the description. A reader who would happen to stumble upon your story would, of course, look for your title first. If the title itself is alluring in its own way, then it's probable that the reader will automatically read your story. However, there are most people that prefers to read the description first in order to understand the plot given beforehand. Now, if we take this to your case, I'd say that the two of them can be related with each other, though it wasn't shown. For instance, the description talked about a best friend getting in love with the other one. However, the title talked about a confession in an airport. Don't you think that it didn't really make sense? In my opinion, I think it would be better if the description was somehow connected to the title, like maybe 'he' began on planning for a confession or something like that. That's not the best idea out there, but I hope you're getting what I mean here. 

Appearance-wise, I'd say that you should stick your font colors in simple black. The colored text didn't really made sense. Moreover, those colors didn't even complement the background nor the poster of the story. If you're worried about the spacing as well, then remove them. You can also increase the sizes. I think it would look better that way. As for the character chart, well... it didn't really look attractive or something, but I love how the pictures of the characters as they were pictures of them in an airport. It would've been better if Kai's picture was in an airport as well to match the others. Again, I think it would be better to stick with simple black font colors for this one as well. As for the credits section, I think you should make it more organized, in a way that it looks attractive yet at the same time organized. Actually, an issue for me here is the large space that you dedicated for the credits section. Credits aren't really that important though. It's more important to focus on the more important things such as the description itself. 

Oh, here's my version of your description by the way:

(Revised Version)
Maybe when you're too comfortable with the label 'best friend', 
you won't know that you are actually in love with them.

Being in love with someone who doesn't even look at you isn't the worst thing that could happen.
It's almost like that kind of exhale where you haven't been rejected yet,
although you pretty much know how it's going to turn out.

For some reason, I like your description. It had that certain attractive vibe in it, and I got hooked. Apart from the lack of connection with the story title, your description was great. There were minor grammatical errors here and there as well, to which I corrected, as seen above. For instance, the first and second line was supposed to be connected with each other through a comma, but you separated them with a period instead. As for the fourth line, the auxiliary verb was missing, hence the 'it's', and the hyphen was unnecessary. I think it was meant to be a dash, but you used a hyphen instead. Dashes and hyphens differ from one another.

 

Characterization

Characterization is very important in your story, especially since the plot is a bit cliche, so you should do well with your characters. Characterization is the way in which authors convey information about their characters. Descriptions of a character's appearance, behavior, interests, way of speaking, and other mannerisms are all part of characterization. For stories written in the first-person point of view, like yours, the narrator's voice is essential to his or her characterization.

You used the first person's point of view for your story. First-person point of view is in use when a character narrates the story with I-me-my-mine in his or her speech. The advantage of this point of view is that you get to hear the thoughts of the narrator and see the world depicted in the story through his or her eyes. It was fine, though it surprises me sometimes when the person narrating the story changes. Maybe you should enlarge the font for the names before a particular scene starts. Anyways, I also had some confusing moments whilst analyzing their characters.

“ Yah, we thought you might be a cool person. So, we never talk to you. We didn’t know you actually a lovely girl. “ I smile. Yes, I’m lovely 3 years ago, but these girls make me feel warm again. I feel like I’m return back days when my family still on the top.

I can't remember which chapter had this paragraph. Nevertheless, this one kind of confused me. Hara and the girls told Jiyoung that they thought she might be a cool person before. This was when Jiyoung came to school wearing the contact lenses and the clip that Kai bought and gave her. It was a bit weird since they thought she was 'cool'. More so, if they thought she was cool, then they should've at least talk to her once. However, they stated that they never talked to her because she was 'cool', when you stated that she kept herself isolated from the class, and she was nerdy. Typically-speaking, where is the 'cool' in that?

I also noticed that most of the interactions of Jiyoung and Sehun involved cheek-caressing. This was a bit compelling for me. I consider that move as an affectionate and endearing one. I mean, I don't think I can do that to my best friend; more so to a male best friend. That would be completely weird. I don't know if it's just me, but it was just too affectionate for my liking. I do think that they were indeed best friends, but that move made me question it, especially when it comes to Jiyoung's personality. She didn't really seem like the affectionate type of person. She was more of the shy, introverted girl, whereas Sehun was the opposite. I just can't imagine the two of them doing that with each other.

Anyway, a scene on chapter six make me think as well. It was the scene wherein Kai hugged Jiyoung. Jiyoung said that she felt like Kai was being daring and such. I found it weird because Sehun would always do and act like that around her, yet she didn't mind. I do understand that they are best of friends, which is a bit acceptable. However, I think that she may have acted a bit out of character at some point, or maybe you just lacked on elaboration. For instance, you can state the reason as to why she felt like Kai was being daring. Moreover, it was just a hug. You could've stated something along the lines of she felt different from Kai's hug as she couldn't help but compare it to Sehun's. I do think that she should've felt awkward yet warm though instead of thinking how Kai became daring. I mean, she did blush around with him, so it's evident that she 'admires' Kai in some way. Anyway, this is just my opinion. I became confused with my words as well though. Haha.

Because characters are such an important element in short stories, the kind of character that the author presents is also of the utmost importance to the development of the story as a whole. In general, characters are found in three forms: individual, developing and static. So far, we have not yet encountered Suzy, who was obviously an antagonist of the story. Jiyoung, on the other hand, was a developing character. She had developed and had improved from isolating herself from the others. She had gained friends and more confidence, to which was also questionable as she wasn't really that affected with her past anymore. You kind of focused on the love triangle instead.

Sehun is a bit complex in terms of his personality. Basically, I can't really read his mind nor his actions; more so his heart. His feelings for both Suzy and Jiyoung was irritating since he couldn't make up his mind. The fact that there were no particular scenes with Sehun and Suzy made it worse as well as it was hard to