Calling for JunJunJi

"Is That Mr. Playboy?"

Author: JunJunJi

Main Characters: Seohyun & Sehun

Genre: Comedy, Romance, Schoollife

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
She was an ‘icy princess.’ Nobody dares to mess with her. He was known as ‘Mr. Playboy’. Many girls drooled over him. She’s a ‘rejector’ while he’s a ‘heartbreaker’. What happened if they meet?

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

Your title didn't really leave that good of an impression to me. It was too common of a title, and honestly, I didn't get intrigued by it. A good title is paramount to grabbing people's attention and, most importantly, making them remember it.  You don't want something too long not too typical. You do not want something too generic or too bland.  As for its relevance to the story, well it was indeed relevant since Sehun is a playboy. However, it would've been better if your title incorporated both Seohyun being an ice princess and Sehun being the playboy. I'm not saying that you should entitle it as "The Ice Princess and Mr. Playboy". No. I just think that with that title, you only focused on a particular character which is Sehun, when you described both characters in the description. It would've been understandable if you used Seohyun's point-of-view for your chapters as well. Anyway, that's your preference so I guess I'll just back off. Please ignore that one. One the good side, your title definitely suits the genres of your story which are comedy, romance, and somehow, fluff? Definitely a plus for that.

Remember that titles have always been important. Everyone knows that. The problem is deciding just what constitutes a “good” title – keeping in mind that fashions for titles change at least as frequently as fashion for shoes. Furthermore, a good title must fulfill multiple functions. It must have some relationship to the content of the story it designates. It must be notable, comparatively unique, attractive to potential readers, & nowadays, it must also work-well for online search engines. Fulfilling all these functions can be difficult, to say the least.

 

Graphics: 7/10

Well, for one, I am not a pro in poster reviews so I'll just state what I think. First of all, it's simple, yet at the same time cute. It suits the genres of the story which are fluff, romance, and comedy. The colors were too bright though. I mean, it would've been better if the design for the title was of a different color since Seohyun and Sehun's colors, or rather clothes, were a bit colorful. The color blue stood out too much, and it was a bit distracting, but nonetheless, it still looked cute. The font color for the author's name at the top of the poster was not visible as well. Since the background was a tad bright, it didn't become visible in the eye with its while font color. I think making it black would've been better, and it would complement the simple credits for the graphic shop at the left-bottom part of the poster. Other than that, the background did complement the poster well, so I guess we're all fine here.

 

Description and Foreword: 5/10

Descriptions and forewords are important factors since you are mainly marketing/attracting your potential readers into reading your story. A description is your chance to speak directly to your readers about why you wrote the story, what it’s about, and why it’s important. As it is an introduction to your story, a description should include information about the plot. For instance, you should give a brief description of the story; the main characters, or themes. Give just enough to get the reader interested in reading more; don’t give anything away. Make sure your description fits all the elements of your story. Remember not to put too much information as it may ruin the surprise/twist of the story. Your description was fine and simple yet straight-forward, but then again, your point was understood. There were some errors though. Here's my revised version:

(Original Version) She was an ‘icy princess.’ Nobody dares to mess with her. He was known as ‘Mr. Playboy’. Many girls drooled over him. She’s a ‘rejector’ while he’s a ‘heartbreaker’. What happened if they meet? 

(Revised Version) She was considered as the ‘ice princess'. Nobody dared to mess with her. He, on the other hand, was known as ‘Mr. Playboy’. Many girls drooled over him. She was the ‘rejector’ while he was the ‘heartbreaker’. What happened when they met? (OR What will happen when they meet?)

~> This one's a bit confusing since I didn't know if you wanted it in present or past tense. I think it would be best heard in past tense though, but it's your choice so... I didn't know what to make of of the last sentence. I first though of settling it all out in past tense, but then again, that question would sound good if it was in future tense to create some kind of anticipation. Either way is fine, but it falls upon your hands, meaning that you have the final decision.

For the character chart, well it was a bit unnecessary for me to be honest. It looked like you gave out too much information about the characters beforehand, thus decreasing the level of anticipation amongst your readers since they'd have the basic idea of how that characters are in the story. Basically, you just cut of some potential twists in the story. I don't particularly suggest removing them all, but I guess reducing the information would be a better strategy. As for the grammar, I decided to place my revised versions as well.

(Original Version) People knew her because of her icy attitude. Her hobbies was reading and reading. She did not like to waste her time because for her ‘time is gold’. She was Kris Wu’s stepsister but many people misunderstood they were a couple, well an ‘icy couple’ actually. Many guy want to be her boyfriend but she rejected all of them because she didn’t interest with ‘love’.

(Revised Version for Seohyun Wu) People knew her because of her icy attitude. Her hobbies were reading and writing. She did not like to waste her time because for her, time is gold. She was Kris Wu’s stepsister, but many people misunderstood them as a couple—well an ‘icy couple’ actually. Many guys wanted to be her boyfriend but she rejected all of them because she wasn't interested with love.

~> There were constant tense changes along the way, and it was disturbing to be honest. I was confused with the second sentence. You used was instead of were when it pertained to two things, but what disturbed me more is that they were the same (reading and reading). That's why I changed the second verb into 'writing' for it to make more sense. You also tend to use single quotations marks. I think italicizing them instead would make it look more interesting. Only use single quotation marks when necessary. Excessive usage is a big NO.

(Original Version) He was very handsome and intelligent one. He was really dislikes books, why? Because he thought that, he was brilliant enough. The heir of Samsung Technologies and Communications. A womanizer and a ‘heartbreaker’. Did not believe with ‘love’ because he already dumped by a girl. He start his interest with Seohyun after the bet that his friends made, but he didn’t know that it was indeed trouble when he want closer with her. 

(Revised Version for Oh Sehun) He was very handsome and intelligent. He also despised books. Why? Because he thought that he was brilliant enough. Although he was  a womanizer and a heartbreaker, he was the heir of Samsung Technologies and Communications. He did not believe in love because he was already dumped by a girl. His interest with Seohyun started after the bet his friends made, but he didn’t know that'd eventually emit trouble as he got close to her.

~> I am not proud with the changes I made to be honest, but it sounds better than the original one. You should really watch out for grammatical mistakes since your sentences might get misunderstood by your readers. There were a lot more errors to be honest.

On the other hand, a foreword is a usually short piece of writing sometimes placed below your description. Typically written by someone other than the primary author of the story, it often tells of some reason as to why the author wrote the story. It is written by the author of the story and generally covers on how the story came into being or how the idea for the story was developed, and may include thanks and acknowledgments to people who were helpful to the author during the time of writing (credits). Try putting something like how you came up with the story. Try explaining some deep words you may have used in the story, how you came up with this plot in the first place, and what inspired you into writing this story; however, there are no hard and fast rules about forewords, so there’s room to be creative and have fun!

I planned on correcting that little sneak peek you put in your foreword, but I thought against it since it's too long, and it would make this review too long that it already is. Please please do get a beta-reader soon. The