Calling for clasicoustic-

"Back in Time"

Author: clasicoustic-

Main Characters: xue lin (OC), zhang yixing, oh sehun

Genre: Angst, Friendship, Romance, School Life

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
In the year of 2023, Lin received a letter from a mysterious stranger and said that he is her high school crush's best friend, in which she didn't believe because the one she loved before never had a best friend. But she decided to read it, anyway. Her hands trembled as she read the letter, she never thought this person would send her something like this, something that shouldn't be brought up again after nine years. Why? That question kept ringing on her mind. Why would this person send her this?
And that's when she realized that she has to find out the answer.

  Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

The title reminds me of something sci-fi like, and I love that, it’s interesting and is sure to pull readers in. Actually it reminds me of a lot of things, such as shows as well as movies too, so I wouldn’t say it’s totally unique. However, as of now, it doesn’t have much connection to the overall story and it’s not like I can blame you otherwise since you only have a prologue up at this moment. Hopefully though, as you continue this story, you’ll be able to connect it back to the title and give readers a more clear understanding why you picked it.

 

Description and Foreword: 6.5/10

The quote you used in your description is interesting to say the least. It has enough of a cliff hanger that would pull readers in. However you might want to add a period at the end of the quote like this “If you want to save him, please follow me.” Just so that it’s more grammatically correct (I will be addressing your grammar as you wanted your reviewer to focus on that, I hope you don’t mind me becoming a bit of an editor). 

Now on to the actual description of the story, I’m confused but maybe that’s the point. I’m questioning who this person is who’s contacting Lin and just what is hidden nine years in the past. It’s interesting, but what I see so far you have a bit of a problem between past and present tense, I don’t blame you. English is annoying as hell man. 

A quick suggestion though, based on the fact that your story—what I skimmed in the prologue so far—is mostly focused on present tense, wouldn’t it make sense for the description to be as well? Or the other option, since majority of your description is in past tense right now anyways, with a few words here and there are iffy, you could stay that route and have it revised, which I’ll do so below.  

Ex: 
Original – In the year of 2023, Lin received a letter from a mysterious stranger and said that he is her high school crush’s best friend, in which she didn’t believe because the one she loved before never had a best friend. But she decided to read it, anyway. Her hands trembled as she read the letter, she never thought this person would send her something like this, something that shouldn’t be brought up again after nine years. Why? That question kept ringing on her mind. Why would this person send her this?
And that’s when she realized that she has to find out the answer. 

Revised – In the year 2023, Lin received a letter from a mysterious stranger that said he was her high school crush’s best friend. She didn’t believe it because the one she loved before never had a best friend. But she decided to read it anyways. Her hands trembled as she read the letter; she never thought this person would send her something like this, something that shouldn’t have been brought up again after nine years. Why? The question kept ringing on her mind. Why would this person send her this?
And that’s when she realized that she had to find out the answer. 

Generally words such as “is, are, has” are words that are present tense, but other than that, your past tense in your description isn’t that bad.

Quick note, “cast” does not need an “s” at the end since it is already plural. Love the layout of the gifs for the characters, it’s cute, and your foreword is informative in a sense it tells us what we might need to know before we read the story so that’s good. 

 

Characterization: 5.5/10

There’s not much I can say in this category since you haven’t really properly introduced the characters. 

All you’ve done is your prologue so far is address Lin that kick-starts the whole story and we’re given an idea that she is married and unhappily so to an unknown man. The unknown man of course raises a lot of questions and wants the best for Lin, even if they do not love each other. He just wants her to be happy. 

As of right now, they’re intriguing and I want to know the identity of the man, as well as further insight as to why Lin is so sad. I apologize for the low mark here, but there’s not much I can adequately grade the characters right now, but hopefully you’ll build upon these two and create a more defined personality for each of them.

 

Pl