Calling for babyfanfan

"Falling In Love With My Maid"

Author: babyfanfan

Main Characters: EXO KRIS CHANYEOL, SNSD YURI SEOHYUN

Genre: Drama, Fluff

Status: On-going

Description of Story:

...lost her parents since a car accident. She haves to do a lot of work to live by her own. Then one day, she found a work, a dream work. Be the personal maid of Kris Wu - an A-list actor, every girls's dream. What will happen? Just like you thought, they surely will fall in love with each other. But how?

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 3.5/5

The title, I admit, suggests a very uninteresting romcom. But it suits the plot well and tells the readers immediately what your story will mainly be about. Also, it's one of those catchy titles that are easy to remember and not too confusing. It's incorrect grammatically though. The words "in" and "with" shouldn't be capitalized.
Edited: Falling in Love with My Maid

 

Graphics: 6/10

Your graphics are cute overall and the colors definitely match the story's genre. The poster and background are both decently neat. I love the animation included in the former, especially bouncing Yuri. But I'm not sure why you added two pictures of Seohyun and not for the others. Is it to show her two contradicting sides? Nevertheless, the title presented in the poster could've been positioned better. At first, I couldn't make out the word "in", and without the flashing, it's quite hard to see the whole title.

As for the background, I have to say it seemed rather crudely made. The red arrow looks unprofessional and you can't see the word "maid". I highly suggest you request for another one/fix it so at least the entire title is visible. Besides those points, your graphics are nicely done and easily portray the story's theme.

 

Description and Foreword: 5/10

You seemed to have put lots of effort into perfecting the description. Although the characters' icons add to the appearance of the story, there's an excessive amount of them. Altogether, each character has three different icons, while only one or two is necessary. The description listed underneath doesn't sound polished, but this isn't a huge issue since I think your level of English fluency is the cause. I liked that you have a trailer available. Unfortunately, it's really short and didn't have any information about the story. 

The excerpts you pulled from the story helps introduce the characters, but it gives away too much of the plot. After reading just the foreword, I can predict exactly what will happen between the various relationships. By doing this, you're taking away the suspense/surprise factor that can excite your audience. Giving a little preview into the story is fine, but don't give away the main points of the storyline. Another big thing is the grammar. I don't want to criticize you on this part for English isn't your first language. I'll point out some obvious ones and focus more on this in the grammar section:

Hates it when people calling him by his real name.
Edited: He hates it when people call him by his real name.

Many girls's dream boy.

Since your descriptions of the characters are written as incomplete sentences like this one, you should add a bullet point or a dash in front. If not, then change them to complete sentences.

Edited (1): -Many girls' dream boy
Edited (2): He is many girls' dream boy.

 

Characterization: 7/10

Not meaning to sound harsh, but out of the four main characters, I only found Chanyeol and Seohyun interesting. Kris and Yuri both have very cliche personalities that are weren't developed throughout the story but told too directly. To put it simply, you went ahead and showed what they were all feeling right from the beginning instead of gradually letting the readers see for themselves through the characters' actions/thoughts. In addition, I personally think the characterization of Kris, especially, is really rushed. I understand he's the cold-outside-warm-inside type, but realistically speaking, it's weird for him to get close to Yuri so quickly.

What I love, though, are the surprises of Chanyeol and Seohyun that were revealed in various chapters. Like Chanyeol's old feelings for Seohyun and the latter's situation with Yonghwa. Those really add to the storyline. 

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