"Broken Past"

Author: Dukkuu

Main Characters: Kai & OC

Genre: Angst, Schoollife

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
It's destiny that brought them together. And fate that kept them apart

 

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 4/5

Your title is appropriate to the genre and relevant to your story, though there are other fics with the same title as yours. Also, when I first saw your title, it seems ordinary.

 

Appearance: 8/10

a. Poster and Background. 3.5/5

I don’t like how the quote is put on your poster. It seems like it’s hastily put there. I suggest not to make it in all caps, and preferably it must be in a more classy font. Also, maybe you can put quotation marks and a period there.

And what are the two thick black lines on ‘past’? Is that a piano or something? On the lower left of your poster, what is that? Spilled ink on Soojin’s shirt? And why is Kai in a darker contrast while Soojin isn’t? I prefer that they should be equal in contrast. If Soojin is in a more gray contrast, Jongin must too. Both of them are the main characters, and they should be given equal weight on your poster, unless you will focus more on Kai on your succeeding chapters.

Also, at first glance, your poster doesn’t look very nice. It’s angsty, yes. I can feel the sadness with its color, but it lacks some artistry. I think your designer still need to gain more experience.

Now, your background. I can feel what you’re trying to let me feel, but after reading your story, I don’t know what’s the relevance of that image. Maybe you’ll mention that dark cave with a river on your upcoming chapters? As much as I remember, the river on true beauty doesn’t look that dark. Or that image has some metaphoric meaning? Like Soojin and Kai are living in that darkness or something? I don’t know.

b. Lay-out and Formatting. 4.5/5

I like the layout of your description and foreword. I’ve deducted half a point because the font of your fic is not consistent. There are also some chapters where it is not justified. You know what I mean here.

 

Description and Foreword: 9.5/10

I like your description. Poems really have some impact. Though on your first line I think you interchange ‘brought’ and ‘kept’. Also, maybe you should put proper punctuations on your poem. Put commas and then put periods after every stanza. Then correction, put apostrophe on ‘the pain is there, and its growing.’ Other than that, your description is excellent.

 

Character Development: 15/15

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 5/5

Bravo. They are all realistic. You describe them very well. Their appearance, actions, feelings—everything. You have revealed your characters in different ways—on what he/she thinks, says, does, or what others perceive him and other stuffs. What else should I say here? You know it yourself.

I just want to share that I can relate with Soojin and Kai. I dance too…and I like writing. Perhaps you’re the same? It seems that you exactly know how they feel. If you’re not, well I can say that your characterization is really great. You as an author have placed yourself in your character’s world.

b. Evolution of Characters. 5/5

Evolution…as far as I see, Jongin is the only one who has evolved in your story. Evolve I mean, he is the dynamic person here, I saw him develop with his realizations. Other than him, the characters are so far consistent and static.

c. Point of View Used. 5/5

Perfect. You know what that means.

 

Plot: 33/35

a. Originality. 3/5

You made the story originally yours. Almost all authors really strive to make an old theme theirs. However, it is inevitable that others will perceive it as not that original because yours is a typical romance story. So there are two dancers falling for each other then there is a misunderstanding and then they cry and then they go back to each other and other stuffs. There’s nothing special in your plot. What makes your fic special is the way you write.

b. Setting of the Story. 5/5

I like it. The transitions are smooth and the settings are well-described. What more else?

c.