"So It Begins"

Author: PearLee

Main Characters: IU and EXO

Genre: Fantasy/Supernatural, Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
The girl was devastated when she believed the boy had died. After a year's time of avoiding the truth, she's finally back to the city. The girl thought that she was only back to gain ownership of her deceased guardian's inheritance. But she met her guardian's 'friends', it seemed like her guardian's death was not a mere car accident. Not only that, the boy was alive. Then, she found herself on the run from a mad murderer. While finding out her family background and came across with the 12 supernatural beings. A sequel of the story, 'That Summer'.

 

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

I give a perfect score for this section if your title has the following: originality, appropriateness to the genre, relevance to the story, and impact to the reader. For every element lost, I deduct a point. 

(minus 1pt) I have searched your title on AFF and omo, I found so many ‘So It Begins’ fic. So that’s a deduction for your title not being unique.
Anyway, your title is appropriate and relevant to the story. After reading chapter 25 did I realize why your fic is titled like that. The ‘it’ pertains to their fight, right? Or maybe it also pertains to something figurative. Or I don’t know. I won’t actually know the scope of your title right now because your story is still ongoing, but yeah, I find your title relevant. 

(-1) The title doesn’t have an impact on me. It did not get my attention at first. It is ordinary, so yeah. I did not become that interested reading your fic because you did not give a unique and catchy title for it. 

 

Graphics: 7.5/10

I grade this section based on the following: overall layout of the fic, and then the poster’s content, attractiveness, appropriateness and relevance, and organization. Two points for each element if they are perfect.

I’ll only give 1 pt for your layout, because ugh, it is not good. The description layout is okay, but the foreword? Ugh. Messy. Why does the first paragraph has a little font size? Your author’s note and credits even have bigger fonts than that paragraph, when actually the A/N and credits should have the smaller fonts. And why is it that the first paragraph is not in bold and the succeeding are in bold? Just choose whether it will be bold or not.

For your chapter layouts, ugh again. Make them all in the same font type and size. And please, justify the indentions so it will not look messy. 

For the poster content, I’ll only give 1.5 pts. I can barely see the word ‘breathing’ on the poster quote. The letters b,r,e,a, and t must be put in a brighter font, since the background of those letters is Kyungsoo’s hair. You know what I mean…so that it will be more visible. 

Only  1.5 for the relevance. What is the relevance of the arch? Like, did I miss the part in the story where a setting with an arch is mentioned? I understand the leaves, yeah because there is a forest setting in the story, but what is the arch and the ceiling doing there? I don’t know. 

Only 1.5 for organization. I’m a bit confused why Kyungsoo’s head needs to be tilted like that. I don’t know. It just looks kinda weird, when his head can be put straight. And uhm, where is he looking at? Why is he not looking at IU? Like I mean, hey Kyungsoo, IU is in front of you!

For the attractiveness, I’ll give a perfect 2 points. Honestly, I love your poster even if it has flaws. It looks neat and elegant. 

 

Description and Foreword: 9/10

Well, your description and foreword is good and kinda catchy. There’s just something wrong on the punctuations. On the first three lines of the description, just put periods and not ellipses. On the second to fifth line of your foreword, put a period, like this:

I know nothing about my birth parents.
Such mockery (…) doorstep, announcing her death.
I have one unspeakable summer (…) in a total different  aspect.
Why? Because he’s a human and a wolf too.
Not only that,
I fell in love with him, 
When he decided to disappear.

After ‘him’, put a comma. Notice the excerpt of Sparks that you put in your story. For its every line, there is punctuation at the end. Do that too.

 

Characterization: 10/10

Your character descriptions are very well done. Shall I say nearly perfect, or perfect? You know what, I admire your descriptions. I am a fanfic writer too and I really find it hard to form descriptions. I’m a beginner, and whoo, I’m taking hours before I can write a paragraph of description. Anyway, your descriptions are really clear and precise. Their appearance, thoughts, actions were given details in an effective and elegant manner. They act realistic enough.

I just want to rant about some characters. Omfg, I want to bang Krystal’s head on the wall. Like why the freaking hell is she like that? And omo Kai, what’s the point of making IU jealous? Why just show IU your sincere love for her? Why omo why? 

Why does IU want to escape from them? She seems to be treated nicely, so why is it that she wants to get away? Wow, I mean, if I were IU, I would just stick to them even if they are supernatural beings. They are good, they take care of me, plus, they are effin handsome! Yes, there are some conflicts between them, but still, that environment is good enough for her to stay. Anyway, that’s just my opinion.

And anyway, there are some characters who are still strangers to me even after I finished reading the 29 chapters. Taeyeon, Jessica, Seungho, Ren, Sooyeon—who are they in the story? Will their identities be revealed on the next chapters, or are they characters on the prequel? I don’t know since I did not read the prequel of this. I actually want to deduct a point here because yeah, these characters are strangers to me, but yeah, I realized that maybe they are characters from the prequel. Or did I just miss their descriptions here? Or I’m just a stupid reader who can’t read between the lines? Or I’ve actually read their descriptions and I just forgot? But yeah, you know, I’ve read a comment on your story which has the same concern as me. She also doesn’t know these characters. Lolz.

 

Plot: 31/40

Your story is still ongoing, so I can’t judge the whole of your plot. I have only read the exposition and rising action in your story.

Your exposition is good. You have introduced the characters and settings well. Your narration, as I’ve said, is something that I adore. However, your exposition became too much. Because you have written the point of views of each Exo member for just a single issue, the story became dragging. I had expected the story to flow, but all I was reading was just thoughts here and there. I mean, come on, enough for those thoughts and proceed to the next exciting thing. I will elaborate this more on the consistency section.

You have put many unnecessary scenes that made your story dragging. And sometimes, I felt that your descriptions are going way longer than enough. Also, your first chapters are not exciting. After reading chapter one, I was like meh. I did not feel the crave to click next. That also goes for the next chapters, until about chapter 18. All they are saying is ‘We must take care of IU because that was what Red said’, ‘We must protect her’, and stuffs like that. As a reader, I want to read something new for every paragraph I read. I want the story to move on and not settle with just one issue and hold that thing for many chapters.

Now, to the conflicts, I got confused. Actually, I got confused with your story. You have made me ask so many questions, but as I read your story, all of them were still not answered. What is IU’s role in here? What happened to Kyungsoo? Who the hell is Red? Why does she want Exo to take care of IU? What is Krystal doing here? What is Taeyeon’s role in here? And so many more. You should at least answer a question for each chapter. Actually, I got hopeless as I read because you are not giving answers. The questions on my mind did