Calling for blueleeyoorae

"So, It's You"

Author: blueleeyoorae

Main Characters: Luhan, OC, Baekhyun

Genre: Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Hi, my name is Kim Kyungmi, Kim Taeyeon's sister.
My life has been hard, mostly because of how famous my sister is.
But then, she introduces me to a newly-debuted boyband called EXO.
My life changed.
Especially after I met him. That guy.
"So, it's you..."

    Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

Your title was simple, a bit unoriginal, but the relevance to the plotline was there. I knew what the genre of the story was from the moment I read your title, and that's a positive thing, of course. However, it didn't really intrigue me that much. It might have something to do with the simplicity of the title. Moreover, I'm positive that I have read a story with the same title before, clearly dissipating the sense of originality of your title. Nevertheless, it was fine, and a simple title is commonly preferable in romance stories, although a positive nerve-wracking and intriguing title is, of course, better.

Anyway, I think the comma you placed in the title isn't necessary. I don't know if you used 'so' as a coordinating or subordinating conjunction, but from my perspective, you used it as a coordinating conjunction. Either way, commas are placed before the conjunction; that is, according to the FANBOYS, commas should go before the word, not after. Moreover, the comma's function is to set off a word, phrase or clause that has no grammatical connection with the entirety. In your case, you used an introductory 'so', making the comma unnecessary. 

 

Graphics: 4/10

I'm not a professional poster reviewer, but since you included this in the entire grading, I'll try my best to grade your graphics appropriately. However, please do not be discouraged with the results. Anyway, to tell you the truth, I didn't necessarily like the poster. Why? Well, it came out too plain for me. First of all, in entirety, it wasn't really attractive. It was too simple for my liking, and it didn't really execute the main genre of the story, which was supposed to be romance. Second of all, it looked too much of a fluff story that a romance. From the very first place, after reading your description, I felt the romance and a bit of an angst aura coming out of your story. For romance stories like yours, the main characters, the male and female lead, should be put closely together to emphasize the romance. If you want to make the final couple a mystery, then at least align them in a way that the 'romance' can still be felt.

Moreover, I don't quite understand the checkered gray and white background. The same goes as well for the pictures of the three males at the left side of the poster. In conclusion, I think it would be better to request for new graphics. Maybe this time, you should request for a matching background as well to lessen the dullness when you scroll down. Just make sure to tell them that the poster and background should complement well together. Moreover, try to lessen the characters in the poster as yours looked a bit too crowded for my liking. Try to make it look as romantic as possible. Try to match it with the story's lay-out as well.

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

I didn't see anything wrong with your description's grammar. However, if you'd ask me, I think your description was way too simple, and it was written in a narrative way, with Kyungmi's point of view. To put it simply, it was like she was just stating the basics in a not-so-enticing way and it was way too straight-forward. Moreover, I have read multiple stories before with that kind of introduction, and as far as I can put it, it might discourage your readers into reading. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it would've been better if you went deeper instead of putting too simple words for that brief summary. On the good side, it did introduce the story in a way that your readers will understand the plot beforehand. However, that would also be a disadvantage because of the familiar plotline. As a recommendation, I would say that you should generalize yet dig deeper; as if to intrigue your readers with the plotline. Make it to appoint that your plotline is intrigue-worthy.

As for the appearance of your main page, I'd say that it would be better to change the fonts, and to re-arrange the spacings and whatnot as your page was a bit messy. Moreover, you can align your lines at the center to make it look better than simple leaving them aligned at the left side of the page. I have also noticed that you put too much effort for the credits. Credits are not that very important in the story, you know. By looking at your main page, it was as if your credits were way more important than your description. It perfectly good and important to give proper credits to those people/shops/etc. that helped you with your story. However, you should also mind the final appearance. The excessive line spacings didn't help as well. As a recommendation, I think you should compile those credits in an easy and manageable yet organized way, wherein there are no unnecessary spaces. Moreover, those banners do not need to be placed in large sizes. Remember that you should give a greater emphasis in what's more important. In your case, give more focus on the description as it is one of the first things that a readers will find once he/she visits your page.

 

Characterization: 6/10

I think your characters were too plain. One of the things that I disliked was the fact that Taeyeon had minimal to zero flaws. The same case goes to Kyungmi. She was way too innocent for my liking. I mean, she had a lot of flaws, which was only according to her. I mean, she should've improved in other aspects. For instance, she was disliked by a lot of people, according to her of course. She also discovered that a lot of people only befriended her because she was Taeyeon's sister. Till then, she isolated herself from others to avoid instance like those. In this case, wouldn't she had evolved in analyzing things and such, like determining who's fake and whatnot? Moreover, she should've become more independent. Nevertheless, she was just way too innocent for my liking, and I don't necessarily believe that there are still people as innocent as her. That itself made the characterization of their personalities not that much believable.

On the other hand, Luhan was too sweet and caring for Kyungmi, and honestly, I ship them. However, I didn't really received that much background or supporting information/scenes that may help me ship them more. For instance, it takes a lot before one can say that he/she loves another, right? That was what I was looking for, actually. Moreover, like Taeyeon's case, he was way too perfect as well. He seemed like the typical prince charming in the story. He did have some flaws like the sudden mood shift from a particular chapter, but I need more of that. I also had an issue with the romanizations of words like brother and sister such as eonni and such. I don't know. There are just times where they suit a particular sentence. So far, you sentences were too redundant, and reading too much 'eonni's would be irritating.

I also noticed that there were much descriptions to their actions, appearance and emotions. Apparently, it was too much narrative that you only narrated the scenes. You need to describe her surrounding as well for the readers to better understand and imagine the environment that she is in. For instance, if she was feeling sad, elaborate her feelings like why exactly does she feel like that? What does she want to do to solve that? Does she want to give up? What does make her happy? Etc. Even such simple descriptions as important. Moreover, you should also describe how they look. Normally, people say that you can describe a person's personality with how they dress. This factor is extremely important to Kyungmi. Based from what I have read from your story, she thinks of herself as someone plain and simple compared to her perfect sister. In that case, describe how she dresses and how she looks like to help enlighten your readers that she is truly plain. That is easy considering how the story is relayed through her point of view. The downside for this one is that you stated that Taeyeon and Kyungmi looked like twins. You should thoroughly compare the two of them for better understanding.

 

Plot: 22/40

I'm giving your a low grade for this section mainly because I have read multiple stories with the same plotline as yours. As far as I have read, I have yet to identify special points in your plotline that would help me differentiate it with the others. Personally, I think you should add a lot more twists in the story to make it more interesting. You should also avoid writing cliche scenes and such. Try to think of scenes realistically. For instance, have you had a relationship before? If not, it's better to ask for references like your mother, maybe? Ask how your parents met and such. Try to think out of the box as well. You should not stick with the typical sc