"My Turn To Cry"

Author: shuwara

Main Characters: Kris, Sooyoung, Hyomin

Genre: Drama, Friendship, Romance

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
Kris met accidentally with a girl on his way to escape from cops.Without him knowing, that girl is also a cop.

Story Title: 3/5

A title is a story’s first impression. People make a first impression with appearance, wardrobe and body language. Stories do it with a title, that's why titles are extremely important. A title creates anticipation and expectation or, perhaps, disinterest. Often the title is what will determine whether or not someone reads a story. Let's think of it as the first step in officially advertising/promoting your story. It's with an attractive title that makes a reader want to read a story, to be honest. Here in Asianfanfics.com, stories are commonly placed in section through tags, or through categories in general. Frankly, there are thousands of stories here on AFF, so clearly, there's no assurance that you're story'll be read by readers' that suddenly. So yeah. You have to really do a good job with choosing the right title.

Titles have always been important. Everyone knows that. The problem is deciding just what constitutes a “good” title – keeping in mind that fashions for titles change at least as frequently as fashion for shoes. Furthermore, a good title must fulfill multiple functions. It must have some relationship to the content of the story it designates. It must be notable, comparatively unique, attractive to potential readers, and nowadays, it must also work-well for on-line search engines. Fulfilling all these functions can be difficult, to say the least. In your case, I don't think that kind of title suits the mood of the story. It sounded way too angsty for me to be honest. It would've been better if you had a strong and powerful title, to which sounds badass and all since your story involves gangsters and cops. Well, the title was somehow connectable, but only for the last few chapters I guess. That is because the last few chapters contained such heartbreaks and surprises that it somehow depicts a certain character's turn to cry. But still, I don't think it suits the mood of the story. The story wasn't overall angsty if you ask me as well. There were a lot of crack and funny scenes on your chapters. 

Graphics: 0/0

Since you don't have a poster nor a background, I'll be removing this section from the over-all grading. I suggest requesting from a graphic shop though. Graphics are important like the other elements of the story as well. It helps you attract more readers. Frankly, most readers tend to read a story with good graphics since our eyes would always deceive us by attractive colors or designs. There are a lot of graphic shops out there who'd be more than willing to provide you your graphics. Make sure to request that of what suits the main genres of your story. Make sure to request for a complementing background as well. It'll add to the physical attractiveness of your story; plus, your readers won't see your poster all the time, so a complementing background would make the story less dull in a reader's eyes.​ Since your story is gangster-like, a dark poster would do. It must look a bit mysterious since your story held a lot of mysteries on it. Also, when requesting, don't include a lot of characters. Only include the main characters that hold the most important roles in the story such as Sooyoung and Kris. They should be in the poster indeed. Honestly, I think it would be better if they'll be the only ones in the poster.

Description and Foreword: 3/10

You didn't really provide a brief summary of your story in your description. This is so important since this is what readers commonly look for when browsing for stories. Take it like books. Wouldn't you read the back cover of the book before buying it? It goes the same her in Asianfanfics. Descriptions and forewords are important factors since you are mainly marketing/attracting your potential readers into reading your story. A description is your chance to speak directly to your readers about why you wrote the story, what it’s about, and why it’s important. As it is an introduction to your story, a description should include information about the plot. For instance, you should give a brief description of the story; the main characters, or themes. Give just enough to get the reader interested in reading more; don’t give anything away. Make sure your description fits all the elements of your story. I've read stories before wherein their description was indeed interesting, but once I read the story, I was disappointed because it wasn't connected, and it really didn't match my expectations. Make it sound as unique as possible. It's what usually readers are after once they visit your story, so if your description is more than enough to attract them, they might read your story. You should also describe the story along with the characters. Remember not to put too much information as it may ruin the surprise/twist of the story. Basically, the description is a short summary of the story itself; however, it is what comes out of the listing pages here on AFF, so it's better to make it as unique as possible so readers would be attracted into reading it. Remember to keep it short! You don’t want the description to drag on and on. A good rule is to try to keep it to one paragraph, two at maximum, and be sure it is free of spelling and grammatical errors.

Some use poems as their description since it comes out unique. Avoid putting something like "Hi guys! This is my first ever story here on AFF. Do check it out," as their description. This is what you did to be honest. I don't think I'll read it if you put it like this. I'm looking for the summary of your story. You could put this in your foreword instead. This would considered as an author's note, which should be placed on the foreword itself.

You did put some sneak peak dialogues in your foreword, right? Well, they were a bit confusing. They somehow sounded a bit angsty, but I think it would be best if you chose a particular scene as a sneak peak instead of giving out unnecessary dialogues like that. They weren't really that important for me to be honest. I don't even remember those dialogues. I think putting up a sneak peek would be a better tactic, like choose the peak of the story as your sneak peek, but make sure that it doesn't give off the outcome/the result of the conflict you'd like to show since that'd ruin the surprise. It would also make your readers curious as to what will happen in that particular scene, hence attracting more readers and more constructive criticism.

A foreword is a usually short piece of writing sometimes placed below your description. Typically written by someone other than the primary author of the story, it often tells of some reason as to why the author wrote the story. It is written by the author of the story and generally covers on how the story came into being or how the idea for the story was developed, and may include thanks and acknowledgments to people who were helpful to the author during the time of writing (credits). Also, as much as possible, avoid putting unnecessary words like "OMG! My first story eva! Please read and support this story! Thank you!" I think it's a bit unprofessional. Try putting something like how you came up with the story. Try explaining some deep words you may have used in the story, how you came up with this plot in the first place, and what inspired you into writing this story; however, there are no hard and fast rules about forewords, so there’s room to be creative and have fun! On the good side, it's your decision as to what you want to put in your author's note so it all goes to your hands.

Characterization: 3/10

Characterization is a crucial part of making a story compelling. In order to interest and move readers, characters need to seem real. Authors achieve this by providing details that make characters individual and particular. Good characterization gives readers a strong sense of characters' personalities and complexities; it makes characters vivid, alive and believable. In your case, it is very important that your the scenes coming from your story are believable since there was a lot of drama, and gangster are real. Personally, I think you really lack at this section. There were a lot of confusion coming from their personalities, and most of them came from the fact that you used too many characters in your story. Frankly speaking, you didn't even use all of them. Some of the characters were only spoken of in two or three chapters max.

You should learn to create characterization by choosing details that make real or fictional characters seem life-like and individual. To create characterization in both fiction and non-fiction stories, you should tell the reader directly what a character's personality is like. For instance, you should describe a character's appearance and manner. A perfect example for this one is what gangsters usually wear. You could've said that Kris was wearing all black as to emit that dark and gangstery-like aura on him. Likewise, you could've described what the other gangsters are wearing in contrast to what gangsters usually wear. Another one is to portray a character's thoughts and motivations. This one is important since by portraying their thoughts and motivations, you are somehow emitting their feelings about a certain thing or event. You are also giving out more information regarding the characters. Next is to use dialogue to allow a character's words to reveal something important about his or her nature. You did fine in this part for me. However, you still lack in some elaboration when it comes to their dialogues. Frankly speaking, their dialogues were too short, which made me somehow confused in some parts. Next is to use a character's actions to reveal his or her personality. I barely felt this one as I read through your chapters. You didn't exactly portray their emotions through their actions. You rather did so through stating them straight-forwardly, which became too boring if you ask me. This is a great tactic especially with stories like yours since you're letting the readers know of their plans or somewhat schemes through their actions. The last one would be to show others' reactions to the character or person you're portraying. You somehow lack on this part since there weren't that much reactions from the characters.

I'll start with the individual characterizations now. First of all, I think it would've been best if you elaborated his appearance, especially since he changed from the nerdy Wu Yifan to the gangster Kris. You didn't really compare then which was highly needed since I really wanted to know what changed. For example, was he wearing any braces before? Was he wearing any thick glasses before, and if yes, was he wearing contacts as Kris to get over his poor eyesight? These simple things are needed to make things clear. As for his personality, well his feelings were a bit confusing for me. At the first few chapters, you clearly portrayed his admiration or somehow love for Hyomin. They were best friends, yet he had these deep feelings for her even though she likes someone else. Then t