[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for KPOP_ILOVEYOU[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]A Cute Stranger[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: A Cute Stranger

Author: KPOP_ILOVEYOU

Main Characters: Lay, Minji (OC), EXO

Genre: Romance

Status: Completed

Description of Story: Lay first met her in a cafe when he was ordering coffee and.... she was what he called, "a cute stranger" She first met him when he came and order in the cafe she works at and.... he was what she called, "a cute stranger"

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 2/5

Personally, I am not a huge fan of the title. It does not have the quality to drag someone to click on it or anything and it is definitely not something I would check on when I happen to stumble across it. It is not exactly overused, though, so I would have to applaud you for that! I also think that Cute Stranger might have a better ring to it than A Cute Stranger, but then again by removing the A it will end up being a common title so I am not sure which one you would prefer.

 

Graphics: 0/0

It is understandable that you do not have any graphics since it is a oneshot. I am not taking any points for this because that is completely your choice.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

Okay so first of all I would like to talk about the visual part of both the description and foreword. As for the description, I really do not get why you put another Description there because there is already a subhead provided by AsianFanfics and it ends up being repetitive. Also, I know that you are trying to make an impact with all the choppy cuts, but it only made it harder to read for some reason. I would also like to advise against using colors; black is the best choice when it comes to font color, at least to me. The author's notes on the bottom part is better of at the foreword simply because that way it will not hinder the flow between the description and foreword should you have another narration or maybe an excerpt of the story in the foreword. You do not have it though, and instead have a character chart of some sort. Now, I will have to tell you that I do not approve of character charts no matter how vague or how detailed—to be honest one of the points in the story is to have the readers get to know the characters by reading, and providing the characters' information beforehand is kind of like cheating to me. The traits you put on the character chart are pretty pointless too, in my opinion, so it might be better if you get rid of it instead.

Onto the content, to be honest I have pretty much nothing to say about it. It is the type of foreword I like (the repetition style) and there is this simplistic vibe to it that I do not want to change. I would have to admit that it is not the most intriguing of forewords though; it is something I would check on when I have time, but if I were to miss it and forget the title or something, I will not frantically search for it or anything. I still think that the simple and cute feeling it gives will attract readers of this genre, though, and it definitely is not a bad choice. Most of the points taken from this part is from the appearance of your description and foreword instead of its content, so do not feel discouraged about it!

 

Characterization: 6/10

Okay, so first of all I would like to say that it is hard to perfect this section when it comes to stories under five thousand words in length, although I am not saying that it is impossible. The thing is that both Lay and Minji do not have any particular flaws that stands out and both of them seem so perfect in their own way. Lay is kind, sweet, handsome and rich while Minji is the usual girl, nice and sweet, too. They have no cons whatsoever; at least judging from what I have read, and while I understand that it is a little hard to elaborate on character traits when it comes to such a short story, I believe that you can put a little more effort in just mentioning it as a passing at least.

For example, you can have Lay to be a little prideful or snobby, seeing as how he is rich and that is how the stereotypes work. You can also have Minji as a stubborn girl who refuses help from just anyone; she can be prideful, too. You can make both of them shallow—seeing as how they 'judge' based on first impression of some sort. There is also an option of making Minji a little bit of a pushover, since she does accept Lay's offer of taking her home when they barely know each other. There are a lot of traits that you can put into both of them instead of having them all dandy and perfect, so I would like if you could elaborate on that. The character Hyunsik is pretty random there; he did not contribute to anything at all and I think it is better if you remove him altogether.

As for the realism of conversations (which I always stress on in each and every review I write), my first piece of advice would be for you to talk it out. Imagine your characters as you or someone around you—would my friends say that to me? Would I say that to my friends? If the answer is no, then it is more likely that the conversation you are writing is unrealistic and has little chance to happen in real life. If the answer is yes, you are good to go. I feel that this is the aspect many writers are still trying to improve on, including me. It is something you definitely can work on, so nothing to worry about here. This is what I remember most from your story: "It's okay. I'm rich so this is nothing" I said and smiled at her. She smiled and nodded back. If I were to be in Minji's place, I would not be smiling; I would probably about being such a boaster while inwardly reminding myself never to contact Lay ever again. Lay also does not seem to be someone who would boast about his wealth, so you might want to change that, or change Lay's personality altogether. A better choice if you want to continue with this kind of Lay would be: "Don't worry about it." or "It's okay.". Overall, I feel that you need to inject more flaws to both Minji and Lay, and the only trick to that is simply to elaborate.

 

Plot: 21/40

The plot is not exactly something I would clap on; it is a very common and overused plot that I have come across tons of times before. There are no twists to it and each and every aspect of it is v