[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for jessica_kim[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]Her Misery[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: Her Misery

Author: jessica_kim

Main Characters: Kim Shinyeong and Xi Luhan

Genre: Angst, Schoollife

Status: On-going

Description of Story: Kim Shin Yeong was a lucky girl. She had everything in her life. -Rich life- -Natural beauty- -A loving parents- -Amazing boyfriend- -True besties- etc. But, she knew that all of that were a deceit. Her father was cheated behind them and her mother just ignored it. Her brother who was a good boy before, was a gangster. Her amazing boyfriend was cheated with her true bestfriend. After she knew her perfect life was actually a trick, she changed. She was not a bubbly and a cheerful girl anymore. She bacame a mysterious girl. Everyone in her school were really pitied with her. But, what happen if one guy come into her life ? Is she still the same ? Or changed because her PAIN was ERASE ?

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 4/5

Personally, I like your title. It wasn't that unique, since if you try searching it up on AFF, a lot of stories with nearly the same title as yours will pop up. I'm not saying it's a bad thing though. What's more important is that the story reflects your plot, your characterization, your description, your poster - everything, and I think you did well on the part. The title was angsty, which is good since your story is angst, right? 

 

Graphics: 7/10

First of all, the designer did a good job with making the poster look angsty. It did look a bit sad, complementing your plot, however, it came out too simple for me. There's something lacking, but I can't point out what. Maybe it's the effects, since the pictures of Luhan and the girl were a bit blurred, which I'm not sure if it's a part of the effects, but I prefer it natural, since an effect like that would make the poster look old-fashioned, as if the storytime was from a long time ago, which is not the case for yours. The quote too did not complement the rest of the elements. Maybe it would be better if there wasn't a quote at all, or if it has a better design.

 

Description and Foreword: 4.5/10

Well, I think the lines you put in the description should be on your foreword instead, and vice versa. Those lines from who I assume to be the characters should seem like a sneak peek, so I think it's better to put it on your foreword. As for the summary you put on your foreword, place it on your description section instead, since it IS your description. A description usually contains a short summary about your plot, giving only necessary information that can make your readers more interested.

I saw a lot of mistakes in your description/foreword, so I corrected some. I might have changed a few things, though I'm not forcing you to change anything. This is just based on my personal opinion. I just want to clear things; I'm not forcing you. K. Here it is:
 

Description: 

Kim Shin Yeong was a lucky girl. She had everything in her life - her rich life, her natural beauty, her loving parents, her amazing boyfriend, her true besties. It was basically everything, but she knew that all of those were deceit. Her mother knew her father was cheating behind her back, but she just ignored it. Her brother, who was a good boy before, was a gangster. Her boyfriend cheated on her with her bestfriend. After knowing how her perfect life was actually a trick, she changed. She was not as bubbly and cheerful as before. She bacame a mysterious girl. Everyone in her school pities her, but she didn't care. What will happen if one guy comes into her life? Will she still be the same as before? Or will she change because her PAIN will be ERASED?

Foreword:

"No one knows my pain."

"Please... I've had enough."

"I'm begging you. Please, don't hurt me."

♦♦♦

 

"Didn't you know she was suffering?!"

"Oh please! She's just your toy, right?"

"I'm begging you. Please don't hurt her."

♦♦♦

"I knew she was suffering a lot!"

"She was never my toy."

"I'm begging you. Please, save her. I love her."

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