Calling for snowflake16

"It All Began With A Lawsuit"

Author: snowflake16

Main Characters: Kris Wu, Jung Eun Mi (OC)

Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
"A member of Korea's biggest boy bands decides to sue his company in the midst of their comeback period.
Fighting alongside him is his lawyer and an intern.
The media explodes as he mysteriously vanishes.
The fans implode.
Will he escape the clutches of the company or will he stagger back to them?
To an onlooker it may seem that the choice is his but is it really?
And amongst all this can a thing such as friendship and true love really be found?"
**This story begins on the day the media reports about Kris leaving SM and will progress for the duration of a 5 year span.

    Critique:

Story Title: 4.5/5

Your title sets the story immediately, knowing the readers that they’re going to be in for a bumpy ride in this story. It’s a title that fits the story nicely. Although, this title does fire up a little bit of our the keyboard warrior instincts since Kris’s lawsuit does have mixed opinions. But this doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing because a slightly controversial title is what makes a potential reader click your story.

 

Graphics: 0/0

I can’t really grade you on this one since you don’t have a proper poster and background for your story. I suggest you go ahead and request for one but that’s completely your choice since the story is finished. It would improve your story aesthetic-wise though.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

Having the rhetorical questions in your description intensified your description ten-fold. Just from reading the description, I could tell that I probably would need to buckle in because the story will be a roller coaster.

Me personally, I’m not a fan of authors introducing their characters in the front page. I’d rather have the character background integrated in the actual story than have it separated. I think it’s easier for the author to get to the point of your story if you have your characters introduced beforehand. But based on other stories that I’ve read, it’s easier to lose clarity of the story and becomes harder to understand, since all of the information about the character is on the front page and not shown along the storyline. I suggest showing a little piece of the character as the story progresses because not all the information you’ve placed on the background is more suitable to be placed in the story itself.

 

Characterization: 8/10

Your main characters are finely developed. They have reasonable personalities with realistic reasoning. I’m just a little confused about Kris’s subconscious. I want to know each of their personalities because they are interesting characters. And I feel like they just lacked description.

 

Plot: 37/40

The whole basis of your plot - which is Kris’s departure - is not entirely unique but your story did stand out compared to the rest because of the development of the story’s plot. The series of events that happened in your story was deeply developed and it drifted apart from the issue at hand, which is what made your story positively unique compared to the mediocre ones. At some points, the story became emotionally-provoking, tugging on my heartstrings or pressing the red anger button in my head. But that’s what I like about the plot. There’s a good amount of drama mixed in with the positivity.

 

Consistency: 2.5/5

Is it Kris or Yifan? Because you have a tendency to jump between the two names. Sometimes when you overuse a word too much (like ‘said’) you tend to hit google or a thesaurus to see the synonyms for the word.

But names are a very different case. You shouldn’t be changing up the names once in a while because you feel like the readers will get bored with it or for any other reason. Stick to one name and use that name throughout the whole story unless you have a plot rule that allows you to use a different name. In the story, I don’t see a clear plot rule that states Kris has to be called Yifan at a certain point so I’m assuming you throw in ‘Yifan’ blankly.

For instance, you have a plot rule in your story that when Kris goes into his subconscious, there is a group of people that come out; The Entertainer, The Boy, Jiaheng and The Wolf. This is acceptable because the plot rule is evident. But when you swap Kris’s name to Yifan and vice-versa, there’s no plot rule or a reason why this happens. So therefore, this counts as an inconsistency. And inconsistencies have the tendency to distract a reader.

The flow of your story was actually pretty solid in the first half. I liked the speed your story was going. But then things got a little bit