Calling for ILuvSkyDragon

"Until She Came Along"

Author: ILuvSkyDragon

Main Characters: 2NE1's CL and Big Bang's G-Dragon

Genre: Abuse. Angst. Drama, Friendship, Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Kwon Jiyong's life was great. No, it was perfect. He had the looks, the popularity, friends, and a wonderful girlfriend.
Until she came along.

 

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

The title "Until She Came Along" isn't really a great title from my perspective. The title gave me a feeling that the main character is rolling his eyes at me. But it is simple and fitting, though not as eye catching. If I was to look for a interesting book to read from a huge list, I don't think I would find it very unique, even though there is no title the same as yours here on AFF. It doesn't give me that feeling that it gave me in the story.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

The description is really, really short but I immediately understood why the title is what it is now. Though I feel you could have gotten a little more deeper, explain a little of how his life has become imperfect. Or throw in some quotes. It was too little so I didn't get pulled in as much.

The foreword didn't seem that important to me. To me, you could have just placed the main characters in the foreword if you wanted to introduce them. Like Jiyong and CL. From the order the characters was placed, I didn't find Sandara more important than Bom in this story. She was mentioned only when Jiyong is with her. The rest of the boys and girls could have been introduced through the chapters since they didn't seemed to have a big life changing role by the way you wrote the story.

The trailer was nice, I really like it. And maybe you could put it above the posters and backgrounds since it would be neater to put the credits at the bottom.

 

Characterization: 4/10

To be very honest, your characters are not portrayed very realistically. There wasn't enough details for us to guess what their real personalities are. Plus, I don't think your characters would do what they did in the story to be honest.

If I was Chaerin, I would have isolated myself, hoping that no one would notice me and hurt me like others did. I don't think anyone would risk of making friends again when they had a horrible experience in the past. It's really weird that Chaerin went with Bom even though she was scared that she'll be beaten up. This is the weirdest thing that I've found in the story, she is very fierce with her when her mother was apologetic and then she become scared with a girl her own age... I understood why she was angry when she was with her mother, but isn't she scared that her mom will beat up again if she is shouting back at her? Her character is really bipolar to me.

Jiyong as well, is there any reason why he got curious of Chaerin in the first place? She didn't do anything that caused her to become more interesting.  Maybe her act but normal people would just think she's a weirdo or a freak, but he just suddenly went chasing and bothering the girl even though she did many things trying to get away from him. And I could sense that he is also falling out of love with Sandara already... when did this happen?! He stared at Chaerin instead of his own girlfriend and he is suppose to be in love with her deeply. What happened to that? No one can just suddenly make a U turn and then drive away like nothing happened. I'm sorry, I didn't like the way you made your characters.

 

Plot: 17/40

I don't think the p