"Thrown Aside"

Author: Liltibbers

Main Characters: Yongjae & Daehyun

Genre: Angst, Friendship

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
He was a boy with a puppy.
The boy and the puppy soon developed a unbreakable relationship.
But every relationship has cracks, no matter how far they try to save it.
Soon, years of bonding will shatter to pieces like delicate glass and it takes someone along with it.
Daehyun loved Youngjae as a best friend, and Youngjae loved him back as much as a dog can.
What if only one stops loving the other?
How far are you willing to keep your special someone by your side...even when it's a dog?



 

Story Title: 4/5

Story titles are the most important determiners of whether your writing will be read. It's all based on first impression. Your plot, characterization, consistency and your graphics may be over-the-top, but if your title is not that eye-catching, your readers might not get attracted and may just walk over your story without sparing a glance. Normally, people make a first impression with appearance, wardrobe and body language. Stories do it with a title, so I think titles are extremely important. A title creates anticipation and expectation or, perhaps, disinterest. Often the title is what will determine whether or not someone reads a story.

Your title was absolutely perfect for your title. I would have to deduct 1 point though because it wasn't that unique, but then again, the title really suits your story. Also, I think that by your title (plus your description and foreword), the element of surprise was a bit ineffective since you've stated a lot of information, which really didn't surprise me with anything as I read through your chapter. I like the title though. I mean, it is relevant as it already said something about the general plot of the story, which is getting thrown aside.

Graphics: 8.5/10

Your poster was wonderful. I was this at bi and ca graphic shop before and I didn't know that it was yours, so I got a bit surprised when I saw your poster. Moving on, your poster was brilliant. The blending was just perfect, and it definitely fits the mood of the story. It showed something about being "thrown aside" with the dumpster picture below. Also, the pictures used for the characters were brilliant. It matched the story and the blending somehow, although it's a bit weird since Youngjae's included in the picture, and some readers might misunderstand your story as a supernatural one, wherein Youngjae transforms from a dog into a human from time to time. Well, that's for me though. As for the background, I think it's a bit too dull for me. It did match the color scheme of the poster, but it's a bit unpleasing in my eyes; but I guess it's just me though. I'm not really a fan of dull colors. I'm used to dark fics with really really dark poster and backgrounds, and when I saw dark I mean with black as their base color.

Description and Foreword: 8.5/10

First of all, I really love your description. It was enough to rise up my curiosity, but it wasn't really that over-the-top for me. I think that you may have said a lot of information that you should've but I guess it all goes off to the twists in the general plot. As for the foreword, well I love it as well. Those sophisticated words did the trick, and the emotions were well-portrayed through your words. The foreword had that deep meaning into it that made me more curious that I already was. It was a bit mysterious, but by looking at your description, I think I've already plotted that ideal plot in my mind, which is both a good thing and a bad thing I think. I would've preferred if you didn't identify who's the owner and who's the dog though. Well, it'll add to the 'mysteriousness' of your introduction for me.

(Original Version) The boy and the puppy soon developed a unbreakable relationship.
(Revised Version) The boy and the puppy soon developed an unbreakable relationship. [Article 'a' should be 'an'.]

(Original Version) How far are you willing to keep your special someone by your side...even when it's a dog?
(Revised Version) How far are you willing to keep your special someone by your side... even when it's a dog? [Put a space after the ellipsis.]

As for the foreword's mistakes, well there were only minor ones; mostly with regards to comma usage. (Errors: [1] for every time he remembered his loss, it was another cut to his already damaged mind ~> Put comma after the word 'loss'; [2] dulling him and killing off his other emotions until it was the only one that remained. ~> Put the conjunction and at the middle of 'him' and 'killing'; [3] and no matter how bright the day was, he would feel no sun and hear no bird song. ~> Put comma after the verb 'was'.) Well that's all I found. They weren't really major as it only consisted of minor mistakes. For the first mistake, I added a conjunction since it sounded weird; plus it's grammatically wrong. Oh and for your last sentence which was aligned at the center and italicized, do put a period at the end. I didn't include it at the top since it'll just take unwanted space. Just remember your periods. As a tip, you should watch your commas. Try searching for more information with