Calling for yehet061190

"Last Glimpse

Author: yehet061190

Main Characters: EXO

Genre: Angst, Friendship, Tragedy

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
EXO caught in a plane explosion together with other innocent lives which only Suho survived.

 

 

  Critique:

Story Title: 4/5

I honestly don't have anything against the title. However, upon hearing the words, one would immediately think of something along the lines of tragedy, which in fact is the genre the story revolves around. I don't think the title is catchy but it is enough to stimulate the readers' thoughts. Also, I believe that titles are meant to keep the readers interested in the story in such a way that they'll be guessing what happens as the story progresses, however the title already revealed what the story was about, death and tragedy. Still, your title is appropriate with the story's plot, hence the rating. 

 

Graphics: 8/10

I believe that you deserve a high rating on this aspect since the poster, and the background complimented each other. I especially liked the gif aspect of the poster where it shows the other ten members and Kris suddenly vanish in an explosion effect, which somehow appears as a sneak peek to the readers aside from what the title implies. I do have a question though. In the explosion effect, does Kris really have to be included? It was stated in your description that in exchange for Kris, the rest of the EXO members were to be the bargaining chip. So I don't really think Kris was necessary in that explosion effect. I understand the poster was made by someone else so I know it was out of your control. Another thing I liked in the poster was the color. It almost appeared as sepia which even emphasizes the mood of the story, sad, dark, and full of regrets. I think the color really suited the story, as well as the background. 

The background was simple with only one pattern, however I believe it's not something to really bring emphasis on since the color of the background already did it. 

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

The description was enough to keep the readers intrigued, since there was a question that has to be answered as they read along. The content was okay but I find it awkward when right after each statement, the name of the person appeared as this: -Sehun.

I think it would be more appropriate if you made it look like an excerpt from the story.

For example: "Let's not fight and I hope WE CAN LAST UNTIL THE END HAPPILY." Sehun exclaimed as he bounced excitedly around the dorm. 

There were errors in sentence construction in both sections. Let's take the sample dialouge from above, which was taken from the description. The sentence doesn't sound awkward but it looks like it is, which is true since the sentence doesn't observe Parallelism. I would elaborate more on this later in the Grammar aspect. 

I like how you decided to take an excerpt from the story and put it on the Foreword. For me, the Foreword was what really hooked me into the story. Just imagine how intrigued I already was when I read the title, and saw the poster of the story. Double that and you get how you made me anticipate to read the story after I read the excerpt.

 

Characterization: 6/10

For me, establishing well the characters in the story is the second most important aspect. In this part, I am impressed at how well Suho was described as the meek, but responsible leader. I also liked how you incorporated Kris' departure to Suho's anxiety as the sole leader of the group. Even though the other members' parts were small, you were still able to establish their personality well in the story, including Detective Sangwook and his team. 

Setting aside those, I think Yerin's and Yana's character were not properly explained, including their relationship. At first, I thought Yana's character was someone mature and practical, judging on