Calling for yifannie

"A Regret to Belong"

Author: yifannie

Main Characters: Kai, D.O and Chanyeol of EXO

Genre: Angst, Romance, Tragedy, 

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Jongin concealed everything from Kyungsoo, almost everything. It took Kyungsoo forever to find out the reasons behind Jongin’s laughter and tears. And when Kyungsoo found those reasons, he was already too late to fix everything.   

 

 

Disclaimer: You said that you’d like if your review was long, and I don’t know what you mean by “long” but I’m writing as much as I think is necessary and that is all, I hope you find this satisfactory enough. 

  Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

I have to be honest about this as the title doesn’t make much sense to me. “A Regret to Belong”, every time I try to make sense of it, the meaning slips right past me. I believe it’s simply because how can a person truly regret belonging somewhere? Do they feel regret in trying to belong somewhere or it is something else? Isn’t the whole point of belonging somewhere is to not feel regret? Why is regret an issue in belonging? 

Like what? I don’t know what you’re trying to say and maybe that’s a good thing, because it’s confusing my mind immensely that I sort of want to continue on to actually understand what you’re talking about. In terms of the theme of angst, I feel the title is fitting and somewhat compelling, it’s also original. The only problem is the awkward English you’ve used. 

 

Graphics: 9/10

The blending of the poster as well as the mood of it all is very nice. I love how there’s an emphasis on Kaisoo (love that ship yo) and the colour through the whole poster really brings it all together. In fact that sadness that leaks through the poster is significant as there winter trees in the background only aids towards the emotions conveyed through it. Its eye catching for sure, but it’s not as captivating in the first glance.  It’s melancholy and overall very simplistic, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing because simplistic at times is the best route for things. 

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

Your description is short, sweet and concise. It’s intriguing and leaves a lot of questions that go unanswered, in conclusion it’s able to pull readers in and encourage them to read more. The only problem is, it’s a bit too short and so it falls flat. I have this general idea, that if your story isn’t a one-shot (two-shot, etc) then maybe you should try lengthening your description since you’re planning to develop the characters and plot right? The reason for this is because you have more to talk about and so it makes no sense to leave it hanging like that. Also I’m pretty sure you can add more things to your description without giving anything away from the story. 

Onto your foreword, it’s well-ordered and has the necessary information I would expect from a foreword. I especially enjoy the photo you used of Kaisoo and the quoting because it really adds to the mystery of this story and the feels, they’re just bubbling at that.

This is somewhat irrelevant and isn’t an issue but it is something that I’d like to bring up. When you’re listing your genre, and even your little author’s note that you have, it’s like you’re beating yourself up and then giving people a bad interpretation of your story already. It’s as if you have no confidence in your writing and you’re trying to warn people ahead that it’ll be bad. You know what that does to readers? They won’t bother to read it because of something like that. Because why should they read it when the author of the story doesn’t even believe it’s good enough. 

Why do you write? Maybe you write because you just love to, you ship Kaisoo so much you had to express your feels through a fanfic, you wanted to attempt angst because it’s just one of your favourite genres. I don’t know your reasons, but whatever they are, find it in yourself to never put your story as a failure, because it’s not okay? 

Love your story like it’s your baby, sure you might have some problems and issues, even low self-esteem at times (trust me OTL, writing is such a roller coaster that I can’t even begin to explain) but by the end, you should be proud of your work. Because you know what? You did it. 
(Holy crap, I didn’t mean for this to turn into that, sorry but I just felt like I needed to say something.)

Anyways back to the actual description and foreword, overall it’s neatly laid out and nicely done. No complaints other than the fact the description could be longer and more in depth (especially about the characters).

 

Characterization: 8/10

The characters have their distinct voices and I find myself enjoying the different personalities of everyone and how some contrast with each other more than others. The only thing at this point is that the characters lack depth right now, especially Chanyeol and Jongin, but you’ve only had the first few chapters so I’m sure you’ll divulge more into their past and quirks more later on. No complaints here, just continue doing what you’re doing. 

 

Plot: 34.5/40

I’d say that the plot is unique and it’s something I haven’t seen before which is great (granted, I’m not really adventurous in terms of this type of genre xD). So far it’s very interesting and the way you create details in just spins adds more depth each time you have a new chapter. Such as the way you incorporate Chanyeol’s character and how he connects with Kyungsoo.

However as it’s still in the beginning stages in terms of plot; it’d hard to adequately judge where it’s all going and thus I can’t really focus on this as much as you wanted me to. To be honest, there are still too many unanswered questions like the problems with Chanyeol as well as the intrigue of Jongin. Nonetheless the progression is well done, and I’m sure you’ll answer the questions along the road. 

 

Consistency: 4/5

The timing is nice, and I find there’s nothing wrong with the events that happen although the only thing that’s somewhat confusing is the Kyungsoo and Jongin’s relationship is sort of quick as there’s not much explanation of how they become closer, or at least more thoughts and actions to express them. Know what I mean? Otherwise I find the progression of the days, etc well done and there’s nothing that is too crazily done either ^^ 

 

Readers' Response: 3.5/5

You have consistency in your readers which is a good thing because that means they’ve loved it and stayed for more. In terms of attention as well as comments, there could be potentially mor