Calling for Moony_Kat

"His Story"

Author: Moony_Kat

Main Characters: Minho,Jung Min Hee (oc), Jonghyun, Key, Onew, Taemin

Genre: Romance

Status: Completed

Description of Story:
"If a kiss was a snowflake, I'd send you a blizzard."
One single hey can change everything.
One look and I knew he was the one.
Just kidding.
"Can a warm love blossom in the midst of a cold winter?"

 

R/N: I apologize in advance for any misunderstandings.
You'll know later on in the review. OTL ~ yeolwho05 Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

Your title was too simple, and a bit overused as well. That kind of title is something you'd definitely cross paths with here on AFF. It was indeed relevant to the plot though since it talked about Kris' story about that lawsuit against SM Entertainment. Moreso, it was still too broad for my liking. I would prefer a better title to which is relevant at the story yet at the same time, it held a deep meaning behind it. It's just that I don't think your story would be that much remembered with that kind of title. It was too common, and with a lot more stories with the same title, potential readers might have a hard time remembering your story. By that, the power of word-of-mouth wouldn't be that effective.

 

Graphics: 7.5/10

I actually like your poster; kudos to the designer. From one glance, you could already tell that a professional designer did it. It was fun to see how it had a light shade at the top, and a darker shade at the bottom. Kris' posture was good as well. He looked like he wanted a fight there. He looked like he was leaning from a table as well, whereas it complemented the dark shade below which made it seem like a table of some sort. Overall, it was fine, although I would like to question the bottom part of the poster. What was the relevance of the buildings? Other than that, I'd say that it would've been better if the title had a bigger size. The word story wasn't that readable. I like the title's design though. Moreover, it would've been better if you had a complementing background for your story. When you scroll down, you page looks a bit dull without a background. I'm not deducting point because of this, though I highly suggest getting one. You could request from the same graphic shop you requested your poster from.

 

Description and Foreword: 7/10

I absolutely loved your description. You gave a brief description of the story; the main character and the theme of the story. It was of the right amount as well. You gave just enough to get the reader interested in reading more. It sounded unique as well, and since a lot of readers here are aware of that lawsuit, sure enough, you'll get a lot of readers. It's what usually readers are after once they visit your story, so if your description is more than enough to attract them, they might read your story. You had some grammatical errors though. To get straight to the point, here's my revised version:

(Revised Version) They said that it wasn't about the ending but the story itself. Many reached out to Kris for an official statement, but he chose to remain silent till the very end for the good of his group--his friends. He had to protect those which remained untouched by the media in order to shield himself a little longer. However, when the fans began to turn against EXO, he had to step out of his comfort zone.

I changed some of the words from your description as seen above. I reconstructed your sentences as well. For instance, I replaced the conjunction 'but' into 'however'. I also changed some of the verb tenses. I also removed the ellipsis you placed at the end of the last sentence. Use an ellipsis when omitting a word, phrase, line, paragraph, or more from a quoted passage. Ellipses save space or remove material that is less relevant. They are useful in getting right to the point without delay or distraction. Ellipses can also express hesitation, changes of mood, suspense, or thoughts trailing off. Writers also use ellipses to indicate a pause or wavering in an otherwise straightforward sentence. In your case, you didn't omit anything. You rather used an ellipsis to end your sentence, which is grammatically wrong. There wasn't any hesitance nor a change or mood as well, so there's no need for an ellipsis.

The same goes with the quote you placed at your foreword. Do remove the ellipsis at the end of the quote since there wasn't any hesitance nor a sense of omitting some words. Other than that, I have nothing else to say. Your main page looked organized. It looked simple, but it was in a good kind of way. I think your description would look better if aligned in the center though. That's just my opinion though. You could also divide them into lines to balance the length if aligned at the center.

P.S. Your disclaimer had some grammatical errors as well, but since it's just a disclaimer, I won't provide a revised version. I recommend fixing it though, because there are some that read those type of things as well, and a few do get turned off with messy grammar. Just sayin'.

 

Characterization: 8/10

Okay, so one thing I'd like to question in this part is the reporter. There was a bit of a romance in the story, right? I mean, between the reporter and Kris, there was some kind of romance considering the fact that they met quite a long time before. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it was mentioned in the first chapter. It was just that I didn't expect you to combine the reporter with a fan herself. I mean, I kind of expected her naturally as a fan and not as a reporter. It just came out weird for me. I mean, she was a fan, yet a reporter as well. But I guess that's one of the reasons why your story was unique in the first place. Moreso, their emotions were still very much evident in the story, specifically with Kris' emotions and thoughts through dialogue, and the reporter/the fan's emotions through words. It was a good thing that you made it in the reporter's point-of-view. She represented the fans that believed him as a whole, right? 

Understanding the role of characterization in storytelling is very important for any writer. To put it briefly, it helps us make sense of the behavior of any character in a story by helping us understand their thought processes. A good use of characterization always leads the readers or audience to relate better to the events taking place in the story. Dialogues play a very important role in developing a character because they give us an opportunity to examine the motivations and actions of the characters more deeply. Dialogues was a lot of help through your story. I admire you for not indicating any name for the reporter as well. Naming her would ruin the whole point of her representation of Kris' fans as a whole. I also liked the fact that you didn't include the other members in the story. That would ruin the whole point of the story; which is to portray the possibility of Kris' purpose in leaving EXO. However, my perception of Kris kind of changed because of the interview you provided in the second chapter. He came out as an arrogant person who wanted sympathy, but that's only for me. I don't know. It's just that he wanted to clear things out for EXO, yet his words seemed like he was still complaining.

Other than