"The Leader and the Mobster"

Author: terrachipzx

Main Characters: Bora (OC), Sehun, Other OC's, etc.

Genre: Action, Angst, Drama, Family, Mystery, Tragedy

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Lee Bora is the leader of Seoul's top gang, the Alphas, and to those who don't know her, she's the Dark Rose. Each day, she pretends to be a normal schoolgirl. What happens when she catches the eye of the leader of Korea's top mafia, Oh Sehun, and he wants her? What happens when her long lost brother is with the people she hates the most? What if a deadly gang is on I'll kill you when I see you terms with her? Life with persistent mafia and deadly gangs on her tail isn't exactly the so-called-perfect life Bora imagined she would have.

Story Title: 3.5/5

The title itself is the first in AFF and no other fic exists but titles with the words ‘mobsters’, ‘gangs’ and ‘leaders’ are plenty. So the concept is common and bland. Although, for seasoned readers who are looking for gang-related fics, the title is a clear indication of the type of story it is and manages to lure readers in like catnip. Additionally, it relates to the main characters of the fic. So, for that great, the tile is good.

For future reference, this site might give you an idea or two. [http://blog.karenwoodward.org/2013/05/4-things-to-keep-in-mind-when-choosing.html]

Graphics: 6/10

In the graphics department your poster did a great job. It fits the theme and we see multiple shots of Bora, but I could really see a clear image of the black rose that seems to be her token. The black rose is her gang name, it should’ve been more prominent in the poster too. But, you didn’t use a background and left it plane. Doing that reduced the edge of the story since it’s a badass, gangster story with outrageous fight scenes and basically showdown between the three top bosses. Please add a dark background so that it can enhance the drama of the events we are reading about.

Oh, way the text is presented is also too bland. I’m not asking you to get a chapter layout but just increase the font size maybe? Also you could stylize the description for example, but I’ll talk about that in the next section.

Description and Foreword: 7.5/10

I’ll skip ahead and first talk about the foreword. Your foreword was well written had had me curious about both the main characters and what would happen in generally. It was short, simple and to the point, like a handgun. Thumbs up!

Now to the description, you used a character chart to introduce the characters and their basic characteristics, which honestly was not needed at all. Whatever you said in the chart, you mentioned in the fic and that truthfully is the better way to do it. Since you don’t say much about them anyway, it might be better to omit the section altogether. This is merely an opinion, not the law; but if you do decide to keep it, might I suggest you pretty up the presentation a bit. At least put the text in centre alignment and maybe write the names or characters in italics or something. I hope you get what I mean. Right now, it looks like you didn’t care enough about it to spend time sprucing it up.

Characterization: 7/10

The marks I cut are for the fact that all your characters haven’t made an appearance yet. As for the ones that are there, you are doing a good job exploring their personalities and tendencies through action. Sehun’s attitude when he ordered that they sell the 8 year old daughter of one of their debtors to earn mo