Calling for Rainbow_fairy

"seven reasons why"

Author: Rainbow_fairy

Main Characters: Hunhan, Sekai, Taohun, Krishun, Chanhun, Sebaek, Seho (Basically sehunxeveryone)

Genre: Angst, Friendship, Mystery, Romance, School Life, Tragedy,

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Luhan found a journal that belong to Oh Sehun, his junior who committed suicide a few weeks ago. There are seven people that are involved and became part of the reason of his death. And he is one of them.

        Critique:

Story Title: 3/5

My first impression of your story wasn't really that good. Why? Well, it had something to do with your title's capitalization and the originality of the title. It's good to design your title with your own style; however, there are certain designs that can either product advantages or disadvantages for your story. In your case, it kind of turned me off. Most of the title that I have read so far with uncapitalized titles were commonly informally written; no offense to those authors. Either way, you have to be formal, and it's quite important to know the basics, with properly capitalized titles included. A title a story is the first impression the reader gets and the first one the author gives. We all try to come up with catchy, cheeky titles, but what can really get us in the end is putting it all together—meaning knowing what words to capitalize. If you don’t get your capitalization right, it’s like picking out all the pieces of a great outfit, but not wearing them the right way and messing up your whole look—and that’s not what anyone wants. Remember that. Hence, I suggest to properly capitalize your story. It should come out like: "Seven Reasons Why". It doesn't really look that bad now, does it? Please do inform me if you have any other reason for putting up a totally uncapitalized title so I could understand.

On the other hand, your title wasn't that all original as well. I have read stories with nearly the same title as yours, and that itself kind of destroyed the originality criterion of your story, though titles are not copyrightable, of course. However, if I may guess, those seven reasons have something to do with the seven people involved in Sehun's suicide, am I right?

 

Graphics: 6/10

I don't personally like the poster, but it was carefully and simply designed. On the bad side, it was too dark, and I didn't really get the angst feeling out of it. It was too dark for my liking, or for the fic's liking, that is. I don't exactly understand why a dark blue color was used for the poster to represent an angst story like yours. A softer, lighter, and a more vibrant yet sad poster would've looked better so that the mood of the story would be better portrayed through the graphics. Moreover, the pictures used for Luhan and Sehun, the second and third pictures from the top, definitely looked like on-stage taken pictures, which kind of ruined my perception for your story. I really thought that your story involved idols from that poster, so I had to read your description again so that things are clear for me. The lay-out used for the poster was kind of... off as well. First of all, putting up four boxes like that would make you think there are four characters illustrated; but that wasn't the case, was it? In my opinion, the poster shouldn't have those boxes as well if you just have to portray Luhan and Sehun. I think that's the case since the two were the story's main characters, and adding a few more characters, even one or three, might ruin the chemistry of the 'couple' or 'pair', and it would make the poster crowded. Moreover, it would be understood clearer as only the main characters would only be put there.

Nevertheless, if you were to ask me, I would choose the poster made from Mister Graphics instead since the seven people who were allegedly the ones concerning Sehun's death were displayed. However, some of the characters had mics on them Sehun and Tao. It would've been better without'em. The black background suits the mood of the story as well even though it was more of an angst as the story's of a mystery type, and the dark background made it even more creepy and mysterious unintentionally.

 

Description and Foreword: 8.5/10

Your brief summary relayed in your description section was short, simple, yet straight-forward. It really didn't give too much information away; rather it only gave the necessary information that will make readers even more curious of your story. However, it contained a few errors of its own, so I suggest correcting them as summaries are important. There are some readers who are picky when it comes to grammar, and once they read a description will a few or even more grammatical errors, what do you think they would do? Anyway, I provided my own revision of your description, though I'm not forcing you to change anything though. You are free to do, change, and/or ignore anything you want since this is your story.

(Original Version) Luhan found a journal that belong to Oh Sehun, his junior who committed suicide a few weeks ago. There are seven people that are involved and became part of the reason of his death. And he is one of them.

(Revised Version) Luhan found a journal that belonged to Oh Sehun, one of his junior colleagues, who committed suicide a few weeks ago. There were seven people involved and became part of the reason for his death, and Luhan was one of them.

I changed quite a minimal amount of words from your original version, primarily because of the verbs and tenses used. Remember that you should only change the tense when necessary. The additional words I placed after 'Oh Sehun' isn't mandatory. I only placed them there since 'his junior' sounds weird, maybe in a erted way, but yeah. People might misunderstand your point, though that's highly unlikely. Anyway, that was just a random revision, so don't pay that much heed to that. For the last sentence, I replaced the pronoun 'he' into the proper noun 'Luhan' because 'he' wasn't really exactly pertaining to Luhan in particular. Moreover, you mentioned Sehun and Luhan before, and even though that the one who was involved in Sehun's death is Luhan, it still sounds wrong. You have to write precisely to make sure that your readers won't get confused whilst reading even the story's description. This is not particularly necessary, but it's better to make everything perfect as much as you can.

As for the foreword, well I don't really have anything to say on that part as you can freely write what you want on that section. However, I would like to point out the relatively large spacing you put for the lay-out. The unnecessary and wasted space on the credits' section were distracting as well. You don't really have to pay that much attention to credits as well. If you want to display the posters made for your story, try to compress them in maybe one line, then line the shops' names at the bottom of those posters. Other than that, I have nothing more to point out.

 

Characterization: 6.5/10

The first thing I was concerned about was the typical personalities that the characters had. For instance, Kai, as usual, was portrayed as the playboy in the story. This is not really much of a problem, but putting up his character like that would somehow bore some readers since most stories had already contained that kind of personality from him. Think of it as if the readers were looking for something new; something that might even trigger their interest even better. Edging up their personalities would be a good idea for me. Try to make their characters more interesting for the next few chapters ahead.

Another point I'd like to discuss what the fact that you focused on Sehun's journal too much. I would've been better if Luhan's life was progressing as well. You could've mentioned some tips and whatnot to what the main conflict of the story is as well to make things more interesting. Moreover, Sehun's love life wasn't that all interesting for me. Luhan's reactions weren't that believable as well. This is quite related to what I will discuss on the plot section as well.

Kyungsoo's sudden disappearance was quite mysterious, though I'm getting a feeling that he played a big role in Sehun's suicide,