[CONTENTID1]Archive : Review for -Xotichllovee-[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]The Classical Elements: Aether[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: The Classical Elements: Aether

Author: -Xotichllovee-

Main Characters: Sehun, D.O, Suho, Chanyeol and Cheonsa (OC)

Genre: Action, Angst, Drama, Fantasy/Supernatural, Mystery, Romance, School life

Status: Ongoing

Description of Story: Cheonsa grew up living as a normal human being, but when she gets accepted into Chronic Acadmey, her normal life turns into horror and disbelief. At chronic she learns her real nature and who she was always meant to be. Secret's about her life, hidden in the deepest of Chronic. What could possibly be so secretive about Cheonsa that she was kept hidden from it from birth? Sehun, the Prince of the Air nation. Ever since Cheonsa has arrived at Chronic, his life has never been the same. A connection the brings those two closer to eachother, a strong connection that no one can break. Just, what is that connection?

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 5/5
For some reason, I find myself liking the title. It is rather vague in a way that it does not spoil anything that is not in the story. Another thing is that these type of titles give more room to making a whole series and I think that it is a good thing to have. I have yet to see any relevance between the title and the story, but I am pretty sure that it is just because you are still on your early chapters.

 

Graphics: 0/0
I am not grading your graphics because you do not have one. I would not want to take points from what you do not have, but I personally think that posters and backgrounds are great to have in a story.

 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

First of all, I would like to thank you for not making any character profiles or anything; trust me, it means a lot. Personally, I really like the way you phrase your description and foreword both, but I would advise you to proofread your stories because there is a whole lot of spelling and grammatical mistakes (not to mention run-on sentences and comma splices). Description and foreword are the faces of the story, and I think it would be a turn off if there is already a lot of mistakes even before the start of the story.   Another thing I would suggest just to make it look neater, although not necessary, is to put the snippets from the story in the foreword so that the only thing in the description is the summary, or the one in bold. I would also like to recommend not aligning the sentences in bold to the center, although it is okay with the snippets. Here is your foreword and description after a little tweak from me:  

Chronic Academy — a school beyond the borders of Asia. One day, Cheonsa received a letter telling her that she was accepted into Chronic Academy. She had heard a lot about how it was the best school in Asia but never had she dreamed of going there herself. Everything started to change when she attended that school.

"I couldn't tell the difference between what was real and what I wanted to be real."

"Who am I?"

"I'm not a monster."

 

"As long as you're with me, I'll keep you safe," Sehun said.

"Promise me that," I replied.

 

Characterization: 5/10

As I said before, I could not judge fully since most of the main characters have yet to appear. For some reason, however, Cheonsa seems to be on her way to being a Mary Sue. She has good grades, great family, a best friend, okay finance and she is good at multiple sports. Not to mention the fact that she might have a power of some sorts that is amazing enough for the academy to go out of their way to have her. I think you should try to be more thorough in explaining her character in the story and go in more depths when it comes to exploring her flaws. I know that it may be just because of the fact that I have only red two of many chapters to come, but I think this serves as a fair warning before Cheonsa actually turns to a complete Mary Sue.

Even for the minor characters, I really do not see any flaws or anything. Her parents are the ideal parents everyone would like to have, only wanting their daughter to be the best. Ahreum is accomodating and willing to help and console her; everyone wants a best friend like that. Again, this maybe just because you are on your early chapters, but I would like you to think of the minor sides of your various characters and incorporate them in the slowly. I think this will definitely give your c