Author: whiteknight

Main Characters: Sehun, Chanyeol & Kris

Genre: Angst, Comedy, Crack, Drama, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Mystery, Romance, School Life, 

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
Three guys, two targets & one mission.

Story Title: 2.5/5

Your title is original in aff, congrats for that. However, it doesn’t have much impact on me. It was a meh, an ordinary title without a mysterious vibe or appeal. Plus, I didn’t find it relevant to your story. Maybe it’s because your story is still ongoing, so their “ghost mission” is not yet there. Anyway, I don’t get it. Why “ghost”? You should make it clear to the readers if ever. And, I don’t find it that appropriate to the genre. It sounds more like a horror. It can be fit in action because there is the word “mission”, but yeah you know, horror is the first thing that I thought.

Appearance: 4.5/10

a. Poster and Background. 2/5

No background, so it’s automatic minus 2.5. Sorry. Anyway, your poster could have been better. It’s not creative enough for me. It looks dead. It’s not attractive. No wow factor. Your fic is action, right? So there must be some elements of action. You may put a gun or something. Take City Hunter’s official poster for example. Lee Min Ho had a gun there, the other characters have fierce face projections, so it’s a clear message that City Hunter will be an action drama. Now, your fic is a comedy too, right? So maybe try adding some colors.

b. Lay-out and Formatting. 3/5

Justify your chapters. Plus, I’m not a fan of the default font because it looks like you didn’t make an effort to make your fic look good, so I suggest that you change it. Your lay-out is okay. I did not see much effort, but it’s okay.

Description and Foreword: 7/10

I am not satisfied with your description. I suggest you to add some more lines. Give more clues on what your story will be about. Give your readers the thirst to read your story.  However, don’t give out the whole of your plot. Just tease them. Entice them. Make it attractive.

And wait…like what? Their status is ghost? You mean they are ghosts? So, their world is the world of ghosts? So Kai, Baekhyun, Jongdae and the others have third eye? Or they are ghosts too? It is very vague. If ever their setting is the ghost world, you could have described their place. How was their world different from the world of mortals? Eh?

Character Development: 10/15

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 2/5

I really don’t get it. So, they are really ghosts? Read the article on this link: http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative1/shortstory/

There, you will find tips on characterization and settings. I don’t like your characterization. It is very lacking. You didn’t describe them well enough. Their actions too are not well-described. Try to improve it by practicing more. Read more tips on story writing and apply them as you write.

b. Evolution of Characters. 3/5

Your characters are static and your story is still ongoing, so yeah, I still can’t find evolution.

c. Point of View Used. 5/5

It’s good that you have used the 3rd person POV. You have been able to explore the thoughts of each character.

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