[CONTENTID1]Archive: Review for grainsofbap[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]Speak To Me[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

Story Title: Speak To Me

Author: grainsofbap 

Main Characters: (In order of importance) Kim Saehee(oc), Yoo Youngjae, Moon Jongup, Jung Daehyun, Zelo, Kim Himchan, Bang Yongguk

Genre: Romance

Status: On-going

Description of Story: Kim Saehee is a teenage girl who hates the fact that her dad is a mafia boss. Refusing to be optimistic, she only sees the bad side of life. But what happens if 6 normal, happy guys who live just as bad lives as hers enters her life? Will her cold exterior change, and will she able to see the bright side of life?

 

 

 

CRITIQUE:

Story Title: 4/5

I personally think that the title is not exactly unique or anything, but I really like the way it sounds and what it implies. It does not reveal anything from the story at all and I think this if I ever come across a story with this title, I would definitely check it out!

 

Graphics: 10/10

I do not really review graphics because I think I should focus more on the writing, so because you have both a poster and a background, I am giving you full marks! On another note, I actually really like the poster.

 

Description and Foreword: 8/10

 

To be honest, I do not fancy too much colors and/or formats when reading a story. I think it is distracting and that it could be so much better if you just justify everything and leave it like that (although as for the excerpts, aligning it to the center is okay). The different sizes of fonts in the description makes it just a little inconvenient to read, but otherwise I find it interesting. I advise you to keep the author's notes to the very end of foreword instead though, so that you are not cutting the flow between description and foreword.

As for the foreword, I dislike the excessive amount of spacing you put in between each paragraph, but I will talk more about it later in writing style. What I would suggest to make the whole thing seem neater is to put the prologue in a separate chapter since it is pretty lengthy. This way, you can separate the introduction to the explanation along with your authors notes. To clarify, what I mean is that you can put the She... He... in the description and the rest in the foreword. The content of it intrigues me, definitely. I like the repetition format of the start and the ending—it gives a firm emphasis, which I really, really love. Everything else is okay here!

 

 

Characterization: 8/10

 

In my opinion, the personalities are pretty good. Saehee is no Mary Sue, which is great. The only advice I have for this section is remain constant; is she cowardly, brave or does she act courageous when in truth she is just a scaredy cat? In the first few chapters, I noticed how the mood seems to alter quickly. Like how one moment she is scared as freak because she is going to be killed, but after that she is poking fun at Daehyun and being her usual sarcastic self. Writing in first POV might be the hindrance in this case since you cannot simply say "I'm a coward although I act brave." because sometimes, we ourselves do not realize those kind of things. Do, however, try something like: "It's when it comes to these situations that I find myself forced to accept the reality that things get pretty scary.". Another inconsistency (I think) is on chapter three, when Saehee told Youngjae that he was amazing. What I have been grasping from her personality all along is her being sarcastic, so instead of "You're amazing.", I was expecting something more of like "How kind of you, ready to sacrifice yourself for an idiot." or something with a more sarcastic lilt to it. I can imagine Youngjae snorting afterwards because well, he can read minds.

I think Youngjae is a great character with all his complicated background issues, although towards the end I don't even know anymore since the story is still ongoing and I cannot really judge his mentality for now. I just would prefer if you could give him more flaws since he still seems a bit too perfect; what with his amazing skills, mind-reading ability, smart brains and stuffs. Not to mention the fact that he could cook. Talking about cooking, how did Youngjae and Saehee even learn how to cook? As far as I know, Saehee used to have those servants, and to think that she cooked a lot for Daehyun's breakfast during the early chapters is a bit weird, since she is no pushover. Little, minor details like this matter, so I would like it if you could pay more attention to these kind of stuffs. That aside, there is not much else to say about this portion. Just remember: consistency is the key!

 

 

Plot: 32/40

 

While in the characterization part I keep on stressing about your consistency, here I need to stress on elaborations. You rarely ever elaborate the details, and that makes the whole thing seems choppy and too fast-paced, which is not too good since it ends up seeming rushed instead. Before anything else, let us talk about Youngjae's mind-reading abilities. I believe that since everything else besides the foreword and the little epilogues on the last few chapters is told on Saehee's POV, you have to make it more vague in her case. During the early chapters, she had yet to know about Youngjae's abilities, so you should have not mentioned stuffs like ...Youngjae gives me a look as if he read my mind, but shrugs it off... and keep it for the later chapters instead. This is because we are not geniuses, and Saehee is definitely not a genius, either, so there is no way that she could make such a spot-on assumption upon first meeting. There will be more impact when you go further into the chapters and put something like He looks into my eyes and for a second I thought he can read my mind...

Still on the first chapter, why did you say that it is her first time doing mafia-related stuff? Is she already familiar with the idea of her father being in the mafia and her having to take part into it? Why did she readily agree if she is scared less afterwards (with such a miniscule reason such as skipping school, too)? Why did her father let her go just like that? Did he want her dead? Elaborate, elaborate, elaborate. It is good to give readers questions to answer, but not confusions. It would have been better if you just gave a few answers and answer the rest in the next chapter instead of just bombarding readers with questions, because the