Calling for BearLover

"Woo young's Guide on How to Make a Playboy Fall for you"

Author: BearLover

Main Characters: Jang Wooyoung and Kwang Chansung of 2PM

Genre: Romcom, ,

Status: Completed

Description of Story:

Our transfer student Wooyoung has set his eyes on the
school’s playboy, Hwang Chansung.

  Critique:

Story Title: 2.5/5

First of all, the title was way too long. Your readers may have a hard time remembering your story, and that's one of the key factors in a story. The length is very important. The title of your story is the first thing your readers see, and it is important that your story is eye-catching that they'd be interested immediately, but if your title is too long, they'd have a hard time memorizing it, and it'll be hard to differentiate your story with the others. It's important to clue your readers in the theme, focus and genre.

An enjoyable short story like yours might not be read by a lot of people if the title doesn't do its job. In AFF, a good title is like a good opening paragraph: it should be interesting. It should attract the reader's attention, and at the very least, it should be appropriate to the rest of the piece. Remember that he title will be what represents your work to the rest of the elements of your story. Choose it wisely.

Here are rules and sources to jog your imagination. I know all of these might now be useful for your story, but still, I'd like to share it to you since it might help in the future. (x)

Titles should not be dull. When you normally browse for stories here on AFF, for example for interesting fantasy stories to read, aren't you drawn first to the more unusual titles? Titles should be easy to remember. It's hard to someone to read a story if the title's too long and complicated, or hard to pronounce. Titles should be appropriate. It should stick to the genre/focus of your story. A title can be a popular expression. A title can be a play on words. (Sometimes a "twist" of an existing expression.) A title can have a hidden meaning, which can be later revealed in the story. I always find titles like these interesting. A title can be a person's name. This one is a bit effective, but a lot of authors used this technique on AFF already, and since the idol population's a bit small, I don't really recommend using this one. A title can be a place's name. Make sure that the place is relevant to the story though. A title can be an association of ideas. Often these are words that have a "double meaning," and refer to more than one thing in a story. A title can be an "event" or "activity." (Use "ing" in the first word.) Pleading Guilty, Romancing the Stone A title can be a memorable line from the story itself. ex: Tell No One, The Eagle Has Landed, They Shoot Horses, Don't They? A title (if long) can have a "rhythm." Another kind of "play on words," this makes a longer title more pleasing to the ear--and easier to remember. ex: The Spy Who Came In from the Cold A title (if it fits the story) can be simple. ex: Jaws, Shogun, Cathedral, Airport

I suggest changing your title with a shorter but relevant one, but seeing that this is an entry to a writing contest, you might not be allowed to change it anymore. You can just correct the word "Woo young." Remove the space in between since romanizing a Korean name is written without a space in between for the given name. Also, you should fix the capitalization of "you.". Always remember to capitalize nouns, pronouns, adjectives, verbs, adverbs, and subordinate conjunctions, while articles such as "a, an, the", coordinating conjunctions, and prepositions should be in lowercase. Your title should be "Woo Young's Guide on How to Make a Playboy Fall for You."

 

Graphics: 5/10

Your poster was fine and simple, but the title, especially the first part of the word "make," is not quite visible because Wooyoung's hand is a bit bright. For the title's style, I would prefer if "Wooyoung's Guide" was bigger than the rest, since "How to make a playboy fall for you" is kind of just supporting the first one.

As the the characters in the poster, well they were clear and visible, although I might have preferred a better picture for the characters, but the way Chansung gazed at Wooyoung was satisfying, seeing how it's related to the title which is Chansung being the playboy. You definitely have a plus on that one.

On the bad side, well, I would have given you a higher grade if you had a background complementing your poster. Your poster wouldn't be seen by your readers all the time, but if you have a background, it would add more effects for your story and it would add more color, life, making your story more attractive, I guess. The simple white background seems too dull and boring, right? I guess you could request for a background at the same shop you requested for a poster, or you could request again at another shop, just make sure to credit them and that they allow stories with poster already because most of the graphics shop here don't allow stories with posters from other shops.

 

Description and Foreword: 4/10

Your description was too short that it only contains one sentence, but it's quite understandable since this is a oneshot after all. I would have preferred it you put a description saying something about how Wooyoung started this guide and all, and the sentence you put kind of disappointed me because I was expecting a mind-blowing description, but still, that sentence was interesting, especially because you stated that Wooyoung set his eyes on the school's playboy. That definitely stirred up my interest. Remember that a great description helps the reader to build a fully formed picture in their mind’s eye; to understand what your character is going through and how the character sees his or her world.  It creates a sense of the whole scene.

Oh, before we start, I would just like to point out the characters you put. "2pm and other idols." Since this is a one-shot, it's best if you just stick to the main characters. You should just put Jang Wooyoung and Hwan Chansung. Don't put 2PM and other idols since they're not that important in the story anyways, and I didn't really find those "other idols" in the story at all.

Your sneak peek was interesting, especially that last dialouge which is the fap fap fap you. 

My last issue would be the writing style you used, like the font usage and the size. For the description, I suggest sticking to black font, and unitalicizing it. I don't really see the point of italicizing it, and I see that you're not really pointing out something. As for the font, I recommend changing it. Maybe Georgia, Tahoma or Avira Grande with a size of 14? Tahoma may be good since I think Tahoma is the font you used for the chapter? This is just my opinion though. I just don't really fancy the font you used for the description & foreword. The spacing as well. For the sneak peak, why not align it in the center as well?

As for the author's note, maybe you could put it in a smaller size, and unbold it. Author's note and credits aren't that important anyways. You should focus on the description instead since that's what readers then to focus once they encounter a story. Like the banners of the review shop. You should decrease its size.

 

Characterization: 6/10

Your story was character-driven. In character-driven stories, characterization is all-important. It has been said that 'character is conflict'. This means that the conflict in the story comes out from who your character is and what they do. Characters should come across to the reader as real people with whom they can identify. That means that what the character thinks, feels, and does should feel to the reader like how a real person thinks, feels, and acts. I think you did quite well in this part.

Characterization is just as important in a oneshot as it is in a chaptered story. You just have less space to do it in. You have to be very efficient with your use of words. Make them do double or triple duty. Short stories may seem easier to write because they are short, but they are, in fact, very difficult to write well.

Chansung and Wooyoung's personalities were shown clearly. I don't want to be biased but I like Wooyoung's personality the most. He was persistent, and he really di