"Net Connection"

Author: turisiya

Main Characters: Kwon Jiyong and Sandara Park

Genre: Romcom

Status: On-going

Description of Story:
If a stranger asks you..
"R U ?"
What would you reply?

Story Title: 5/5

It’s a nice, unique title that definitely fits the story. As soon as you see the title, it’s easy to grasp the concept of the story. There’s a light-hearted, fun and slightly cute feel to your story so ‘Net Connection’ is quite a nice title since there isn’t much of a deep meaning behind the title (thus giving the story the light-hearted feel I mentioned). Overall, I wouldn’t be able to suggest a better title to you so I give you full marks here.

Graphics: 6/10

The color scheme chosen in the poster in the story is vibrant and fun, contributing to the light-hearted feel of the story. Looks-wise, the poster is spot on. But the poster seems disconnected to the story. It’s almost like the poster was for another story but they just added your story’s title on it. Since ‘Net Connection’ is the title of the story, it would make more sense in my opinion to make it more related to the title by adding a picture of a laptop or something along those lines. Don’t get me wrong, the poster looks amazing, but they don’t have much relevance to the story in my opinion other than the fact the two main characters are there.

Description and Foreword: 6.5/10

For your description, it’s short and sweet and leaves you with a rhetorical question. I like it since it doesn’t give too much away and make your story predictable. But I’d like to point out a couple of things.

(Original) If a stranger asks you..
(Edited) If a stranger asks you,

The ellipsis are used incorrectly here. The main reasons why ellipsis are used is either to indicate that a quote has been abbreviated or an indication that there is a pause or trailing off happening in speech. A comma would be better to use than ellipsis. Also, ellipses are meant to have three dots, not two.

Although your description is nice and does not reveal too much, it is too broad of a description to describe your story. Fit that description in to a similar story and I guarantee it will fit in just fine. Have something in your description that is unique to your story.

Now for your foreword, it is nicely formatted. Disclaimers and copyrights are not necessarily needed when it comes to fan fiction since it’s not an official publication and it just turns into a bunch of words that not everyone will read. So in my opinion, it’s a waste of space to add those in. But it’s a nice thought to add documentation in. The warnings and credits are alright to add so there’s nothing wrong there.

You don’t necessarily need the character introductions. Any reader of your story would already know what they look like. Therefore, the character introduction only serves as an aesthetic enhancer since you only placed their names a GIF of them. This for one is a waste of space and a killer to mobile users who are loading your story using their 3G or 4G (since GIFs take up a lot more bandwidth).

Instead of visually showing them on the front page, let the story introduce the characters instead of you introducing them through the foreword. It makes the story more understandable and the content considerably longer.

Characterization: 8/10

Your main characters Jiyong and Dara are well introduced but I have never imagined Dara to have a ‘short